Thank you for your comments on mine!
Adira, an eighteen-year-old peasant girl where?, learns from a dying soldier that a long-banished demon overlord has resurfaced. Now she finds herself targeted for death, just for knowing he exists. Forced to flee her home
after her adoptive father is killed by men who pledged their allegiance to the demon, Adira vows revenge. If the point of her father's death isn't crucial for the query, I'd cut it. It's a pretty long sentence.
Seeking refuge at a faraway outpost, Adira learns to fight alongside well-trained soldiers and grows eager to use her new skills against the enemy. When an ageless and powerful Seer arrives, Adira finally decides to reveal her knowledge of the demon’s existence. This knowledge, coupled with a shocking revelation about her adoptive father, convinces the Seer that Adira’s encounter with the dying soldier was more than mere chance. She may be the only key to stopping the demon from spreading his evil across the land. So if others didn't know about the demon, who were they training to fight against?
As Adira struggles between seeking her own revenge or fighting alongside new friends to defend the kingdom, a conspiracy begins to unravel that could lead to death for everyone. The demon overlord’s true motives come to light and Adira finds out that the only chance for success may be by sacrificing her own life.
I honestly don't have much else to critique. I can tell you've honed this a lot, it reads easily and is clear and easy to understand. Good work!
THE WARRIOR’S CROWN is a YA Fantasy novel with series potential, complete at 94,000 words. It may appeal to readers of Joe Abercrombie’s First Law series.