Hi author! See below. Hope this helps!
23 pairs of cloned chromosomes brings Payton back to life. With the same hair, eyes and voice; she’s a perfect match for the dead girl she was cloned from…or at least she would have been if Payton remembered anything about the girl she now pretends to be. The first two sentences aren't doing anything for me. The first one makes it sound like Payton died when she's actually a clone. I think you need a comma instead of a semi-colon in the second, and that sentence changes tenses and sounds awkward when I read it aloud. I'm not a fan of log lines but I seem to be in the minority on these forums so do with that what you will, but I think you can start with your second paragraph.
From the moment 17-year-old Payton awakes, she tries to convince everyone that A) her name is Bridget and B) that she is the girl they lost to a car crash. Living a lie is far from easy however when everyone around her seems to watch and wait for her to slip up -
finally proving that Bridget’s cloning failed. And Payton knows where she’ll be destined if that happens ; back to the lab where she was cloned to certainly be destroyed as a “failed experiment”. These stakes are really interesting - a clone trying to convince others and herself she's truly the girl she was cloned from, even though she knows she's not. Cool!
Terrified of returning to the lab, Payton begins digging into Bridget’s past, searching for the reason she woke up instead of Bridget. This isn't consistent with what we just learned - if Payton is trying to convince everyone she is really Bridget, shouldn't she be trying to learn everything she can about Bridget instead of searching for the reason she woke up instead of Bridget? We know why Payton woke up - Bridget is dead, and Payton is her clone. What Payton uncovers though reveals a darker truth; Bridget’s accident wasn't
never an accident. Between mounting inconsistencies of where Bridget was the night she died and a reoccurring nightmare of Payton’s –which she begins to suspect is actually a memory- Payton’s fears begin to grow. She is sure that the shadowed figure in her dream will not be so happy to hear that “Bridget” didn’t stay dead. These last few sentences are too vague to make me feel invested. How was Bridget murdered? Who does Payton think had a motive? Fighting against her desire to be herself and desperate to keep the life she’s been given, Payton must find a way to be content as someone else, or face a past that never belonged to her and a future that could be the end of her.
I think you need more info about Payton's emotional arc and more specifics about what's going on so that the story progresses logically. I'm sure this is in the book but it's not coming across in the query which is muddling the story for me (how does she end up being called Payton if she's supposed to be Bridget? Does she just wake up and think that's her name?) Maybe something like:
17-year-old Payton wakes up in a lab with no memory of her life -- and the man and woman calling themselves her parents say her name is Bridget. It turns out the real Bridget died in a car crash, and her parents paid XYZ labs to clone their daughter.
Payton tries to adjust to her life as Bridget, but she finds herself drawn to playing soccer and eating hamburgers when the real Bridget was a ballet dancer and strict vegetarian. Her overly-religious neighbors use these differences to label Payton an "abomination," and half the town seems to agree with them. Then, Payton overhears her parents talking to XYZ labs -- if they're not convinced she's truly Bridget, she'll be labeled as a "failed experiment" -- and destroyed.
Determined to keep the life she's been gifted, but struggling because she doesn't have any of Bridget's memories, Payton goes to work learning everything she can about Bridget to convince her parents she's truly their daughter. But when she discovers text messages from someone named Adam in Bridget's phone, warning her to stop blackmailing the town mayor about the toxic sludge being dumped into Battle Creek on the very night Bridget died, Payton suspects Bridget's death wasn't an accident. And when pieces of Bridget's memories start filtering into Payton's dreams, Payton knows it wasn't an accident.
But lacking any physical proof, Payton will have to take down the killer herself, before he strikes again.
That isn't good but it gives you an idea of some things I think you could include so the query doesn't raise so many questions, and adding specificity will help your story stand out in the slush. Good luck!