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Query - A Wizard Deceived (UF)


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#1 Keledron

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 11:10 AM

Latest in Post #15
 
Reworking an old query after a fresh re-write. Thanks for any suggestions!
 
--
 
Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED. It’s a pretzel-twist of Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is until his old friends Kay and Mordret show up with some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor Merlin for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is looking to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Merlin usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for, even if that fight means facing down a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series (the second of which is nearing the halfway mark) and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#2 E.B. Rock

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 12:49 PM

First of all, it definitely has my attention. Admittedly, I am not a big fan of fantasy, but that hook intrigued me. 

One tip that I've heard to use in almost all of my writing is to search different forms of the word 'have" ex: has, had, etc) and delete the ones that are not truly necessary. You may find it fairly effective in that query. One last note I don't think 'for putting him there' is necessary. I think it's a detail it could live without. I believe it would add intrigue to their relationship.

This is my first attempt at feedback, so, I hope you found it at the very least a tiny bit helpful.



#3 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 01:04 PM

Reworking an old query after a fresh re-write. Thanks for any suggestions![/size]
 
--[/size]
 
Dear <AgentName>, [/size]
 [/size]
A modern Arthurian legend, with a twist: told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.[/size]
 [/size]
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.[/size]
 [/size]
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old. [/size]
 [/size]
That is until his old friends Kay and Mordret show up with some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor Merlin for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is looking to settle the old score.[/size]
 [/size]
This is the part where Merlin usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for, even if that fight means facing down a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul. [/size]
 [/size]
A WIZARD DECEIVED is an urban fantasy novel, complete at 85,000 words, with crossover and series potential a la Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles, where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration! [/size]
 [/size]
Sincerely,[/size]
 
Me.[/size]


Dude. I'd read this. I made only one suggestion (& hopefully gave you a hook in the process) but overall I think you have a great start for a query; definitely (INfinitely) better than what I started out with.

Give my query a look if you get the chance, DARIUS CARLYLE. Good work, man.

JJW

#4 ddcash80

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 01:16 PM

This is the part where Merlin usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for, even if that fight means facing down a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 

 

Quick comment: This is the one part which is unbelievable. He's been running for 2k years and suddenly just now he's "built a life worth fighting for"? Unless you give us some detail of this, this part is going to fall flat. Does he have wife? kids? Tell us something or else it's just vague statement of the author.



#5 Keledron

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 02:04 PM

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone!

 

JJW, I definitely like your suggestion on the hook. Tightens it up, makes it snappy. Thanks!

 

DDCash, never thought about that, but now that you pointed it out it's all I can see in the query! :) I'll definitely flesh that out a bit.

 

Will rework this a bit tonight.


Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#6 newb

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 11:44 PM

 

Reworking an old query after a fresh re-write. Thanks for any suggestions!
 
--
 
Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED. It’s a pretzel-twist of Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is until his old friends Kay and Mordret show up with some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor Merlin for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is looking to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Merlin usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for, even if that fight means facing down a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series (the second of which is nearing the halfway mark) and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

 

 

I don't have the same issue as ddcash80 on the life he's happy with. Maybe he's tried a million lifestyles and the 21st century plus dungeons and dragons is the day and age to be in. 

 

My issue with the query is all the characters involved here. You have Merlin aka Marcus (that's fine). Arch-nemesis Morgraine (cool), then you have Kay, Mordret, Arthur as well as mentions of settings like Camelot, Avalon, Pennsylvania. It all seems a little bit over-the-top for a 250 word query. It's not hard to follow for someone who's familiar with Arthur etc but it might be better to avoid relying on that.

 

So I suggest trimming characters e.g maybe it's not important how the news comes. It's bad news and he gets it. That will take out two characters. 



#7 Keledron

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 07:34 AM

I don't have the same issue as ddcash80 on the life he's happy with. Maybe he's tried a million lifestyles and the 21st century plus dungeons and dragons is the day and age to be in. 

 

My issue with the query is all the characters involved here. You have Merlin aka Marcus (that's fine). Arch-nemesis Morgraine (cool), then you have Kay, Mordret, Arthur as well as mentions of settings like Camelot, Avalon, Pennsylvania. It all seems a little bit over-the-top for a 250 word query. It's not hard to follow for someone who's familiar with Arthur etc but it might be better to avoid relying on that.

 

So I suggest trimming characters e.g maybe it's not important how the news comes. It's bad news and he gets it. That will take out two characters. 

That's a great point actually! It's not important (for the query) who delivers the news. I should keep it focused on Merlin and the conflicts he faces. Let me rework a bit. Thanks for the input!


Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#8 Keledron

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 07:55 AM

Update 2
 
--
 
Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend with a twist; told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is until he gets some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 years. It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#9 WriteWesWrite

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 07:29 PM

I know this is terrible, but what is the name of the comic book shop? As a nerd I feel that has some significance. I mean, Merlin is the ultimate wizard. Even Dumbledore couldn't touch Merlin. So the name has to be something epic.

 

Other than that, I suggest placing a connection between the Dresden Files (Urban Fantasy is the connection, I assume?) and the Iron Druid series. Does the series have something other than  UF or MR that connects them to the fan base?

 

Other than those two, I would love to read this series. 



#10 Adelle_Yeung

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 09:01 PM

I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend with a twist; told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. (<--Not a fan of the passive voice, but the emphasis on Merlin is nice.) Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run, creating new identities and blending in with normal society to avoid lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention (or detection?).
 
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of rumbling with fire-breathing beasts of old.
 
That is until he gets (bleh, "get" is such an ugly, passive word) some day-ruining bad news ruins his day. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared, throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming settle the old score. (Well, you could do with keeping this last part, but it's inferred that she plans to finish him off.)
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 years. His new life is worth fighting for and it's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. 
 
This sounds like a really fun read, and you've got some good voice going on here, too :)


#11 gigigriffis

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 04:05 AM

 

Update 2
 
--
 
Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend with a twist;, told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today, over two thousand years later, he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of to rumbling with fire-breathing beasts of old. <-- Grammatically it's prefers x to y, not instead of.
 
Don't double space after a period. This is an old academic style holdover and agents don't want/need it. 
 
That is until he gets some day-ruining bad news. <-- I actually like the way this is worded (I know the other person above didn't, so just tossing in another opinion). It fits the voice of your query and I assume the book very well. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor for putting him there. The Fates have disappeared, throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming to settle the old score. 
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 years. It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul. <-- This is so fantastic.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

 


Love it! I'd read this. The query reads well. Snappy. I get the stakes. I get the character. I get the twist. Well done! 

 



#12 Alexi_Ice

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:54 AM

I don't even like that type of fantasy and I would read this! The hook got me! Super interested in modern day Merlin fighting an epic, age old battle!


If you get a moment please check out my query - http://agentquerycon...r-lies-fiction/


#13 perpetua

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 12:12 PM

As you'll see, I agree with some of the previous commenters on some things and have added a couple of my own. I think you've got a great premise and your query is really shaping up.
 
If you have a second, I'd love you to take a look at mine: So Fine a Line
Perpetua
 
 
Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m currently seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend with a twist; told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run, creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract  to avert Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today, over two thousand years later, (I don't think that's necessary and it slows the reader down) he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and is the owner of owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars instead of to rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is, until he gets receives? some day-ruining (I kind of like that) bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old advisor for putting him there. (can you be more specific?) The Fates have disappeared, throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming wants to settle the old score.
 
This is the part not necessary where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 years. It's His new life is worth fighting for and it's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.


#14 Keledron

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:27 PM

I know this is terrible, but what is the name of the comic book shop? As a nerd I feel that has some significance. I mean, Merlin is the ultimate wizard. Even Dumbledore couldn't touch Merlin. So the name has to be something epic.

 

Other than that, I suggest placing a connection between the Dresden Files (Urban Fantasy is the connection, I assume?) and the Iron Druid series. Does the series have something other than  UF or MR that connects them to the fan base?

 

Other than those two, I would love to read this series. 

WriteWesWrite :) 

 

I'm trying to be SO careful about details in the query and hitting the important points: the shop is called Wizard's Grimoire Books and Games. As far as the connection between the two series, for those that have read both and then read the query the connection is pretty straight up. Urban Fantasy, people who wield magic in the modern day, and deal with being old souls in a new world :) 

 

Thanks for the input sir!


Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#15 Keledron

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 10:38 PM

Update 3! (thank you all so much for the encouragement and input/feedback so far! I'm so excited that so many of you are intrigued to read the novel based on the query! That is what we're going for here, isn't it? You all rock!!!)

 

 

Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention.
 
Today he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and he owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars to rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is until he gets some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old adviser. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 years. It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul.
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#16 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 11:10 PM

Query's coming along nicely, Kel! Feel free to take a look at my new query (Darius Carlyle, it's in this forum somewheres, haha)

#17 dragoness

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 05:29 AM

I love it!  :smile:

 

Here are my (small) detailed comments:

 

Update 3! (thank you all so much for the encouragement and input/feedback so far! I'm so excited that so many of you are intrigued to read the novel based on the query! That is what we're going for here, isn't it? You all rock!!!)

 

 

Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention. (I think you better unite it to one paragraph, as the next sentence is still the setup, and it's the funny part of it - you want it to come sooner and to end the paragraph with it.) Today he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and he owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars to rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old. (great!)
 
That is, (comma) until he gets some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon his old adviser (who? Merlin? name the adviser, don't assume everyone remembers the story). The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos (too abstract, IMO, detail it) , and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. He’s built a life worth fighting for in the past 10 (it's nothing compared to a millenia, not something to risk everything for, so I think you better omit the number. If you live it turn it to a word, numbers are used in queries only for dates) years. It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul. (great ending)
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

 

 

Thank you for critiquing my query!

 

Would you care for looking at my new version? http://agentquerycon...critique/page-2



#18 Keledron

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  • Publishing Experience:Mentality Magazine columnist, Gamespot.com featured community reviewer, Editor-In-Chief of Uncharted Frontier EZine

Posted 23 April 2017 - 06:45 AM

Thanks again all for the input! I'm going to be looking at each of your queries between today and tomorrow and will do my best to provide some useful input! thanks again!


Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#19 Keledron

Keledron

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 06:26 AM

Update 4:

 

Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life.
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention. Today he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and he owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars to rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is, until he gets some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon Marcus for his banishment. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. Sure, running means surviving, but that would also mean standing up his first date in over two hundred years. It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul. It's time to live, not just survive!
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.

Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 


#20 Phaust

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  • Publishing Experience:Played this game once before with a lit-fic piece. Got an agent, but he couldn't sell the book.

Posted 25 April 2017 - 01:38 PM

Update 4:

 

Dear <AgentName>,
 
I’m seeking representation for my 85,000 word urban fantasy novel, A WIZARD DECEIVED, a modern Arthurian legend told by Merlin himself, who is damn eager to set the record straight on his long life. (Nice hook. Even a little attitude in a QL. Huzzah!)
 
On the day Camelot fell, Merlin Ambrosius was nearly killed by his legendary enemy, Morgaine Le Fay. Ever since, Merlin has lived a life on the run creating new identities and blending in with normal society lest he attract Morgaine's deadly attention. Today he’s known as Marcus Ambrose and he owns a comic book shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. (Sweet) He prefers playing Dungeons and Dragons with the store regulars to rumbling with fire breathing beasts of old.
 
That is, until he gets some day-ruining bad news. King Arthur has escaped Avalon and is looking to exact revenge upon Marcus for his banishment. The Fates have disappeared throwing destiny itself into chaos, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Morgaine has found him again and is coming to settle the old score.
 
This is the part where Marcus usually packs up the old wizard’s staff and heads for another continent, except running for millennia has gotten rather old. Sure, running means surviving, but that would also mean standing up his first date in over two hundred years. (wait, what? lost me there.) It's time to face his past, even if that means confronting a mad goddess and risking the obliteration of his soul. It's time to live, not just survive!
 
A WIZARD DECEIVED is the first in a planned series with mythological cross-over potential, and will easily find a home with fans of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files or Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles where well-known mythology is given some fresh, fiery breath. Thank you for your time and consideration!
 
Sincerely,
 
Me.
 
 
 
This is really well done. I'd sign you. You'd be sorry. But I'd do it. 
 





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