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Query - A Wizard Deceived (UF)

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#41 JeffJustWrites


    Hal ethrimi! (Keep writing!)

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Posted 21 May 2017 - 02:17 AM

Kel, I really hope you get a request, this story sounds all kinds of awesome. The query looks good, but to me it looks like you're missing a couple commas here and there. Pacing nitpicks, nothing major. The "sparked a fire in his heart" bit, though, I'm honestly a smidge iffy on. If the story is told first-person, I think it'd be a hell of a zinger to end on "Besides, he hasn't had a [second? third?] date in a century." Or something along those lines. It preserves the voice, and this query is dripping with voice. Good work.

Just some ramblings, haha


My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query


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#42 Keledron


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Posted 22 May 2017 - 01:54 PM

Thanks man :) not as of yet, tho I did decide to participate in Query Kombat for the first time... so we shall see where it goes! :) let me check yours out and see where things are at.

Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!




Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!




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