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My opening lines (would return the favor)


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#1 Dahlia Baker

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 05:46 AM




Hello, everyone! This are my opening lines, any sort of feedback would be terribly appreciated. Thanks




*********


I’ve always wondered about anniversaries.

Birthdays, weddings, death anniversaries. But birthdays, most especially. Maybe that's because I never celebrated one, or because it took a very, very long time before I even knew what a birthday was. Either way, I wasn’t terribly awed with the idea of commemorating something that had happened years back every year for the rest of my life. Nothing could be that special.

I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

Now, I have my own special day. Just that instead of the blaring music and the jollof rice and drinks that accompanied celebrating these anniversaries, I'll probably acknowledge mine by locking myself in a very dark room, crying my eyes out. Wishing I'd never been born, or wishing I had the decency to die or bury myself or ... or that sort of thing.

October eight. It was the day I officially graduated from the prestigious Seals Tailoring Institute at Victoria Island, and earned my freedom. It was also the day I lost my virginity. Make no mistake, both events are totally unrelated. Some people might think because I earned the certificate to cut and sew clothes, I got ecstatic and decided to celebrate by ripping my clothes off and doing ‘the deed’ with my boyfriend. I actually have friends who had planned to do that, (we'll get to them later) and considering my present situation I probably wouldn’t have minded if that was what happened.

You know, leave the venue of our reception and head on to a pre-arranged hotel with my unbelievably good-looking muscular boyfriend. The room, dolled up in red drapes and scented candles and beautiful congratulatory cards would have a wide, wide bed laid with velvet bedspread, a bunch of those exotic flowers sprinkled over it. Soft music in the background, and… then he’ll hold up both arms, reaching out for me. I’ll be shy of course, I’ll smile coyly and look at the floor. This tells him what he already knows, I’m a virgin, and –

And I’m getting carried away. I’m bound to do that a lot. Kindly pull me back any time you feel I’m veering out of point in future.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, wishing I’d lost my virginity to my boyfriend.

But as I have no boyfriend, at least not in Lagos State, so that didn’t happen to me. At the risk of sounding like ‘Miss goody shoes', I’ll like to mention that I was actually a good girl. A very good girl. An exceedingly good-mannered girl – the type that never bats her eyes invitingly at men, the type that did all her chores without complaining, the type that never wore tight or revealing clothes, the type that held on to her virginity like it was a life line. I was never impressed with the huge cars or the expensive looking men that always offered to ‘take me out’. And considering the fact that I had a face that was quite pleasing to the eyes, I got eons of this offers. But I never took them, I knew where taking me out would lead to. At least ninety-five percent of the time. So I avoided all of them like the plague. I had someone waiting for me back home. Attahiru, my betrothed.

My virginity was taken forcefully, and by someone I’d least expected. Mr Bamidele Cole, my boss’s husband.

#2 Pen

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 09:31 AM

How soon was this character raped? If it was recent. That should be the thing first on her mind. Perhaps have her self asking why such a thing would happen, have her questioning herself, then later on have her thinking about what she wanted her first time to be like.

 

Feel free to ignore.



#3 Dahlia Baker

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 03:58 PM

Thank you so much for your response. Do you mean the first thing she thinks of should be something directly relating to rape?



#4 Pen

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 06:01 PM

Yes and no. If the rape recently happened (for example a few hours ago) that should be first and foremost on her mind. If it was something that happened last year then certain things can trigger that horrible event that she tries to bury. As a matter of fact, that is something that may happen for the rest of her life. But the more time goes on, the easier it will be to deal with that, depending on how strong she is.






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