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Hook for YA sci-fi: AWAKENED (will return crit)

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#1 ddcash80


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Posted 22 April 2017 - 03:09 PM

When two friends enter the forest and run into a psychic-powered creature called a Hollow, only one makes it out of the darkness. Now, fifteen-year-old Dax Carter must overcome his fear and face the monsters to find his friend Seven.

#2 Niambi


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Posted 01 May 2017 - 12:59 AM

It's nice and simple, but nothing really draws me into the story. I'm also having a bit of trouble seeing how it's science fiction.

Also, you can simplify the hook even more if you mention the character's names sooner:

When Dax and Seven enter the forest ... only Dax makes it out of the darkness. Now he must overcome his fear .... (of what specifically? I ask because most people will be afraid to face monsters. Does the Hollow know something about Dax that he doesn't want revealed?)

You have the right stuff though, an MC, an objective, and an obstacle. Now make me yearn to read more.

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