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#1 hannahb712

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 11:33 AM

Hi! This is the first I've written a synopsis, and I have 4 main characters, so I've been struggling. I had someone already edit this once, but I know it definitely needs more help. I would be forever grateful if someone could give this a read through, and as I wrote, I will give back any feedback to those who want it in return, as well!! If you help, thank you so much, it really means a lot!

 

___________

 

With all the courage that seventeen-year-old STEPHANIE ANDREWS can muster, she asks her Mother, “When is the right time to have sex?” As expected, her volatile parent quickly turns the situation around, crushing Stephanie’s hopes for an answer. Left without guidance, Stephanie decides to take matters into her own hards, regardless of her Mother's opinion, and sets a goal to lose her virginity with her boyfriend, as soon as possible. 

 

However, despite Stephanie's momentary confidence, it quickly fades to the point that she's still left with doubt, and confesses her uncertainty with her best friend ELLA O'CONNOR. Ella though, a sophomore in college, has no experience to share from. She wants to lose her virginity as well, but unlike Stephanie, Ella's looking for a quick fix to her 'problem.' And while it truly doesn’t matter with whom, she does happen to have her sights set on KYLE, a promiscuous frat boy at her college. Ella’s roommate thinks she’s crazy for wanting to lose it to the most sexually active guy on campus, but Ella doesn’t really care about his reputation. She just wants to use him for sex, and leave.

 

Unlike her friends, YASMEEN CARTERS has had sex with men, but it was awful. And due to her experiences, she’s struggling with taking that step with her current girlfriend, JESSICA. Yasmeen is concerned that her feelings towards sex are more related to her pending sexuality, rather than the people she's slept with, and fears sex with Jess could be just as doomed. Despite Jessica's wish to do more, Yasmeen remains abstinent, too afraid to risk their relationship over the unknown. Because it's true, Yasmeen could find out that she likes sex with Jess. Or she could find out that regardless of the gender she's with, Yasmeen doesn't like sex at all. JADE RIVERA, Yasmeen's friend from her internship, doesn’t understand Yasmeen's choice, but Jade has her own issues to worry about when ADAM, who they also work with, asks Jade on a date. It’s no secret that he’s been pining after Jade for a while now, and even though Yasmeen tells her to go for it, Jade can’t. In her eyes, Adam is ‘husband material,’ and she’s too young for someone ready to settle down. 

 

As the weeks go on, Stephanie and her Mother are at a stalemate, but regardless of what her Mother thinks, Stephanie has decided that the right time is now. She’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, and as suggested by her close friend from high school, she’s going to do it on prom night. However, a kink in the plan occurs, when Stephanie's boyfriend doesn’t seem to be as ready as Stephanie is, and is taking some time to warm up to the idea. Over at college, Ella too is having issues, after coming to realize that maybe giving it away to just anybody isn’t really the best idea. However, Kyle doesn’t get the hint, and keeps pursuing her aggressively. Yasmeen, Ella’s friend from class, tells her that Kyle is the kind of guy where ‘no means yes,’ but Ella tries to convince her that he’s harmless. 

 

In the coming weeks, Yasmeen continues to avoid the elephant in the room when she’s home with Jessica, until one night she’s hanging out with a group of her friends from school. One girl tells Yasmeen that she needs to stop trying so hard to identify herself, and to stop doubting that Jessica won’t love her despite how Yasmeen feels about intercourse. Yasmeen is upset with herself after her friend’s eye-opening advice, and decides that there’s no excuse anymore why she can’t slowly give herself over to her girlfriend.

 

Jade is happy for Yasmeen’s realization, even though she isn’t happy at the moment. The past weeks for Jade had been hard as Jade avoiding Adam like the plague, so that she didn't have to face his feelings. During the same time, Jade sought out another guy, someone she thought would satisfy her craving for reckless abandon. Except he didn't. And the longer Jade was with him, the more she wished he was Adam. However, Jade convinces herself that she doesn’t deserve Adam after all that she had done to ignore his feelings, and decides to keep her own emotions bottled inside. It only works so long, until Jade loses her virginity with the other man, that the whole charade she had been maintaining, collapses in on itself. 

 

Stephanie is no better, as the internal struggles between her and her Mother, are weighing her down. She knows that she needs to piece together some of the wreckage from past arguments, but building a healthy relationship is a two-way street. In addition to the growing disappointment Stephanie feels towards her mom, prom night finally arrives, only to have CHRIS admit that he doesn’t want to have sex with Stephanie while they're drunk. It’s upsetting for Stephanie to have her expectations crushed, but she understands. Chris wants their moment to be special, and sneaking into a random bedroom at a random person’s apartment during a prom after party, just isn’t how he wants it to be.

 

Meanwhile, college for Ella is coming to a close, and Ella wants to spend the last party of the semester with her closest friends. Though the past few weeks had been filled with the constant stress of studying, the year is ending in the best way possible, well…until it’s not. At the party, Ella is immensely drunk and happens to run into Kyle, who she had been trying to steer clear of for a while. Once Kyle has Ella in his sights though, he grabs her, and pulls her into a separate room where he mocks her by saying, “I thought this is what you wanted.” At his malicious comment, Kyle attempts to rape Ella. Luckily, just before ‘attempt’ becomes ‘succeed,’ one of Ella's friends saves her, and punches Kyle in the face in the process.

 

During the same time, Jade cracks under the weight of her decision to lose her virginity to someone she never cared about, and stays home from work. When Yasmeen asks to come over, Jade finally admits all that she's felt these past months. How she didn't think she was ready to be in a serious relationship with Adam, but she had always had some sort of feelings for him regardless. And though she’s not expecting Adam to want to be with her anymore, Jade acknowledges that she does owe him an apology and explanation for her actions. Yasmeen supports Jade's decision, and so the following day at work, Jade manages to talk with him during a break. Adam admits that he’s hurt by a lot of what Jade said, but also respects her for being honest about it. They decide that if things are to ever work out between them, they need to rebuild their friendship again first and foremost.

 

With prom night thankfully in the past, Stephanie doesn't have much to focus on, until her Mother offers up throwing her a Graduation Party. Surprised by the gesture of trust from her mom, Stephanie agrees, hoping it'll begin to mend the fractures of their relationship. As the final week passes, things starts to feel okay for Stephanie as her Mother at least tries to communicates with her, through arranging the party. As the disappointment Stephanie had felt so heavily before, slowly ebbs away, she allows herself to focus back on her boyfriend. And on a night of loving confessions, he finally agrees he's ready, and together they lose their last bit of innocence. 

 

The day of the Graduation Party, Stephanie feels for the first time, that after graduating high school, things will actually be okay. However, she doesn't have time to linger on her thoughts as her best friend, Ella arrives. Ella is progressively pulling herself back together after the attempted rape, as well as wanting to see a therapist, but she comes to Stephanie's party better than she has been in weeks. While they're talking, Ella's cousin Jessica joins their group with her girlfriend Yasmeen, who apparently knows Ella from one of their college classes. As they talk about the weird coincide, Stephanie's brother- Adam, introduces the girl he brought along. When Stephanie brings Jade over to introduce her to the group of girls she had just left behind, she's even more shocked at the fact that once again, they seem to know one another. This time finding out that Jade works with Yasmeen. The five girls laugh at the bizarre occurrence, and while none of them are truly aware, it's the first time in a while, they’re all genuinely happy.

 

During the middle of the party, Stephanie is pulled from the group by her mother, who has a podium stand ready for her to give a speech from. All the party attendees gather around, as her mother tells of how proud she is of Stephanie, and how she's growing up into a beautiful young woman, without her mother's help. Her mother's meaningful words procure Stephanie to do the same, quickly standing up to tell her family and friends about how she's had difficulties this past year, but she feels she’s honestly prepared for the next chapter in her life, college. She also talks about how, despite everything, she still loves her family very much. When she finishes, her mother pulls her into a hug. And as they're tangled in the embrace, her mother promises aloud, “We’re gonna be okay,” and for Stephanie, that's all the reassurance she needs



#2 hannahb712

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 08:38 PM

Okay, I edited the synopsis myself. But if anyone can have a look at this newer version that'd be great! :smile: 

 

_________________________________________

With all the courage that seventeen-year-old STEPHANIE ANDREWS can muster, she asks her mother, “When is the right time to have sex?” As expected, her volatile parent quickly turns the situation around, crushing Stephanie’s hopes for an answer. Left without guidance, Stephanie decides to take matters into her own hands, regardless of her mother's opinion, and sets a goal to lose her virginity with her boyfriend, as soon as possible.


However, despite Stephanie's momentary confidence, it quickly fades to doubt, forcing her to confess her uncertainty with her best friend ELLA O'CONNOR. Ella though, a sophomore in college, has no experience to share from. She wants to lose her virginity as well, but unlike Stephanie, Ella's looking for a quick fix to her 'problem.' And while it truly doesn’t matter with whom, she does happen to have her sights set on KYLE, a promiscuous frat boy at her college. Ella’s roommate thinks she’s crazy for wanting the most sexually active guy on campus, but Ella doesn’t really care about his reputation. She just wants to use him for what he’s best at, and leave.

Unlike her friends, YASMEEN CARTERS has had sex- with men, but it was awful. And due to her experiences, she’s challenged with taking that step with her current girlfriend, JESSICA. Yasmeen is concerned that her feelings towards sex are more related to her pending sexuality, than the people she's slept with, and fears sex with Jess could be just as doomed. Despite Jessica's wish to do more, Yasmeen remains abstinent, too afraid to risk their relationship over the possibility of being asexual. JADE RIVERA, Yasmeen's best friend from her internship, doesn’t understand Yasmeen's choice. Jade however, has her own issues to worry about, when ADAM from their work, asks Jade on a date. It’s no secret that he’s been pining after Jade these past couple months, and while Yasmeen tells her to go for it, Jade can’t. In her eyes, Adam is ‘husband material,’ and she’s too young for someone so ready to settle down.

As the weeks go on, Stephanie and her mother are at a stalemate in their arguments, but regardless, Stephanie decides she can’t wait any longer. She’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, and as suggested by her close friend from high school, she’s going to do it on prom night. However, a kink in the plan occurs when Stephanie's boyfriend doesn’t seem to be as ready as Stephanie is, and is taking some time to warm up to the idea. Over at college, Ella too is having issues, after coming to realize that maybe giving it away to just anybody isn’t really the best idea. However, Kyle doesn’t get the hint, and keeps pursuing Ella aggressively. Yasmeen, Ella’s friend from class, tells her that Kyle seems like the kind of guy where ‘no means yes,’ but Ella tries to convince her that he’s harmless.

In the coming weeks, Yasmeen continues to avoid the elephant in the room when she’s home with Jessica, until one night she’s hanging out with a group of her friends from school. One girl tells Yasmeen that she needs to stop trying so hard to identify herself, and to stop doubting that Jessica won’t love her despite how Yasmeen feels about intercourse. Yasmeen is upset with herself after her friend’s eye-opening advice, and decides that there’s no excuse anymore why she can’t slowly give herself over to her girlfriend.

Jade is happy for Yasmeen’s realization, even though she isn’t happy at the moment. The past weeks for Jade had consisted of her avoiding Adam like the plague, so that she didn't have to face his feelings. During the same timeframe, Jade also sought out another guy, someone she thought would satisfy her craving for reckless abandon. Except he didn't. And the longer Jade was with him, the more she wished he was Adam. However, Jade convinces herself that she doesn’t deserve Adam after all that she did to ignore his feelings, and decides to keep her own emotions bottled inside. It only works so long, until Jade goes so far as to lose her virginity with the other man, that the whole charade she had been maintaining, collapses in on itself.

Stephanie is no better, as the internal struggles between her and her mother are weighing her down. She knows that she needs to piece together some of the wreckage from their past, but building a healthy relationship is a two-way street. In addition to the growing disappointment Stephanie feels towards her parent, prom finally arrives, only to have CHRIS admit that he doesn’t want to have sex with Stephanie that night. It’s upsetting for Stephanie to have her expectations crushed, but she understands. Chris wants their first time to be special, and sneaking into a random bedroom during a prom after party, just isn’t his idea of that.

Meanwhile, college for Ella is coming to a close, and Ella wants to spend the last party of the semester with her closest friends. Though the past few weeks had been filled with the constant stress of studying, the year is ending in the best way possible…until it’s not. At the party, Ella is immensely drunk and happens to run into Kyle, who she had been trying to steer clear of for a while. Once Kyle has Ella in his sights though, he grabs her, and pulls her into a separate room where he mocks her by saying, “I thought this is what you wanted.” With his malicious comment, Kyle then attempts to rape Ella. Luckily, just before ‘attempts’ becomes ‘succeeds,’ one of Ella's friends saves her, and punches Kyle in the face in the process.

In the same week, Jade cracks under the weight of her decision to lose her virginity to someone she never cared about, and stays home from work. When Yasmeen asks to come over, Jade finally admits to her friend all that she's felt these past months. How Jade didn't think she was ready to be in a serious relationship with Adam, but she had always had feelings for him regardless. And though she’s not expecting Adam to want to be with her anymore, Jade acknowledges that she does owe him an apology and explanation for her actions. On  the following day at work, Jade manages to talk with Adam during their break. He admits that he’s hurt by what Jade said, but also respects her for being honest about what happened. They decide that if things are to ever work out between them, they need to rebuild their friendship again first and foremost.

With prom night thankfully in the past, Stephanie doesn't have much to focus on, until her mother offers up throwing her a Graduation Party. Surprised by the gesture of peace from her mom, Stephanie agrees, hoping it'll begin to mend the fractures of their relationship. As the final week passes, things starts to feel okay for Stephanie as her mother at least tries to communicate with her, through arranging the party. As the disappointment Stephanie had felt so heavily before, slowly ebbs away, she allows herself to focus back on her boyfriend. And on the night before her party, he finally agrees he's ready, allowing them to lose their last bit of innocence, together.

The day of the Graduation Party, Stephanie feels for the first time, that after graduating high school, things will actually be okay. However, she doesn't have time to linger on her thoughts as her best friend Ella arrives. Ella is progressively pulling herself back together after the attempted rape, as well as wanting to see a therapist, but she comes to Stephanie's party better than she has been in weeks. While they're talking, Ella's cousin Jessica joins their group with her girlfriend Yasmeen, who apparently knows Ella from one of their college classes. As they talk about the weird coincide, Stephanie's brother Adam, introduces the girl he brought along, Jade. When Stephanie brings Jade over to introduce her to the group of girls Stephanie had just left behind, she's even more shocked that once again, they seem to already know one another. This time finding out that Jade works with Yasmeen. The five girls laugh at the bizarre occurrence, and while none of them are truly aware, it's the first time in awhile, they’re all genuinely happy.

During the middle of the party, Stephanie is pulled from the group by her mother, who has a podium stand ready to give a speech from. All the party attendees gather around, as her mother tells of how proud she is of Stephanie, and how she's growing up beautifully, without her mother's help. Her mother's meaningful words procure Stephanie to do the same, quickly standing up to tell her family and friends about how she's had difficulties this past year, but she feels she’s honestly prepared for the next chapter in her life, college. She also talks about how, despite everything, she still loves her family very much. When she finishes, her mother pulls her into a hug. And as they're tangled in the embrace, her mother promises aloud, “We’re gonna be okay,” and for Stephanie, that's all the reassurance she needs to know that it will be true. They’re going to be okay.



#3 secondstar87

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 05:02 PM

With all the courage that seventeen-year-old STEPHANIE ANDREWS can muster, she asks her mother, “When is the right time to have sex?” As expected, her volatile parent quickly turns the situation around, crushing crushes Stephanie’s hopes for an answer. Left without guidance, Stephanie decides to take matters into her own hands, regardless of her mother's opinion, and sets a goal to lose her virginity with her boyfriend, as soon as possible. Poor girl! :( 

However, despite Stephanie's momentary confidence, it Stephanie's confidence quickly fades to doubt, forcing her to confess her uncertainty with to her best friend ELLA O'CONNOR. Ella though, a sophomore in college, has no experience to share from. She wants to lose her virginity as well, but unlike Stephanie, Ella's looking for a quick fix to her 'problem.' And while it truly doesn’t matter with whom, she does happen to have her sights set on KYLE, a promiscuous frat boy at her college. Ella’s roommate thinks she’s crazy for wanting the most sexually active guy on campus, but Ella doesn’t really care about his reputation. She just wants to use him for what he’s best at, and leave. I've read that it's best to have no more than 5 character names introduced in the synopsis, so I'd suggest only naming the characters that are crucial -- like I think you could skip Kyle's name. And ouch! This paragraph kind of makes me wonder why Stephanie is best friends with Ella. 

Unlike her friends, YASMEEN CARTERS has had sexwith men, but it was awful. And due to her experiences, she’s challenged with taking that step with her current girlfriend, JESSICA. Yasmeen is concerned that her feelings towards sex are more related to her pending sexuality, than the people she's slept with, and fears sex with Jess could be just as doomed. Despite Jessica's wish to do more, Yasmeen remains abstinent, too afraid to risk their relationship over the possibility of being asexual. JADE RIVERA, Yasmeen's best friend from her internship, doesn’t understand Yasmeen's choice. Jade however, has her own issues to worry about, when ADAM from their work, asks Jade on a date. It’s no secret that he’s been pining after Jade these past couple months, and while Yasmeen tells her to go for it, Jade can’t. In her eyes, Adam is ‘husband material,’ and she’s too young for someone so ready to settle down. Yeah, four main characters is a lot to follow. I think you should leave out the names of their boyfriends/girlfriends etc. You might also be able to leave out last names, not sure, but you could look it up. One thought might be to look back at your manuscript and see if all four characters really need to have equal significance, or can one or two rise above the others in the attention you give. Then you could primarily follow their plot lines in the synopsis and exclude subplots. OR haha... try to find some sample synopses for novels that also included multiple main characters. 

As the weeks go on, Stephanie and her mother are at a stalemate in their arguments, but regardless, Stephanie decides she can’t wait any longer. She’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, and as suggested by her close friend from high school, she’s going to do it on prom night. However, a kink in the plan occurs when Stephanie's boyfriend doesn’t seem to be as ready as Stephanie is, and is taking some time to warm up to the idea. Over at college, Ella too is having issues, after coming to realize that maybe giving it away to just anybody isn’t really the best idea. Yes! Good character arch. She's growing on me. However, Kyle doesn’t get the hint, and keeps pursuing Ella aggressively. Yasmeen, Ella’s friend from class, tells her that Kyle seems like the kind of guy where ‘no means yes,’ but Ella tries to convince her that he’s harmless. 

In the coming weeks, Yasmeen continues to avoid the elephant in the room when she’s home with Jessica, until one night she’s hanging out with a group of her friends from school. One girl tells Yasmeen that she needs to stop trying so hard to identify herself, and to stop doubting that Jessica won’t love her despite how Yasmeen feels about intercourse. Yasmeen is upset with herself after her friend’s eye-opening advice, and decides that there’s no excuse anymore why she can’t slowly give herself over to her girlfriend.

Jade is happy for Yasmeen’s realization, even though she isn’t happy at the moment. The past weeks for Jade had consisted of her avoiding Adam like the plague, so that she didn't have to face his feelings. During the same timeframe, Jade also sought out another guy, someone she thought would satisfy her craving for reckless abandon. Except he didn't. And the longer Jade was with him, the more she wished he was Adam. However, Jade convinces herself that she doesn’t deserve Adam after all that she did to ignore his feelings, and decides to keep her own emotions bottled inside. It only works so long, until Jade goes so far as to lose her virginity with the other man, that the whole charade she had been maintaining, collapses in on itself. 

 

One thing I'm noticing is that there isn't much action going on here -- the plot or synopsis at least seems to be primarily conversations, thoughts and feelings. Try writing out an outline of your plot based on the characters' actions and choices and what happens, then working out the synopsis based on that. It will probably feel more interesting and dynamic to a reader. 

 

I'm also wondering at this point what each main character's clear goal is. Is it just to have sex? That could be part of a coming of age tale, but in and of itself I don't find it as compelling. However, if it Stephanie trying to establish a better relationship with her mother, Yasmeen to find a healthy relationship, etc. -- then I, as a reader, find their goals more compelling. For instance, is Jade trying to understand WHY she chooses someone she doesn't care about?


Stephanie is no better, as the internal struggles between her and her mother are weighing her down. She knows that she needs to piece together some of the wreckage from their past, but building a healthy relationship is a two-way street. In addition to the growing disappointment Stephanie feels towards her parent, prom finally arrives, only to have CHRIS admit that he doesn’t want to have sex with Stephanie that night. It’s upsetting for Stephanie to have her expectations crushed, but she understands. Chris wants their first time to be special, and sneaking into a random bedroom during a prom after party, just isn’t his idea of that.

Meanwhile, college for Ella is coming to a close, and Ella wants to spend the last party of the semester with her closest friends. Though the past few weeks had been filled with the constant stress of studying, the year is ending in the best way possible…until it’s not. At the party, Ella is immensely drunk and happens to run into Kyle, who she had been trying to steer clear of for a while. Once Kyle has Ella in his sights though, he grabs her, and pulls her into a separate room where he mocks her by saying, “I thought this is what you wanted.” With his malicious comment, Kyle then attempts to rape Ella. Luckily, just before ‘attempts’ becomes ‘succeeds,’ one of Ella's friends saves her, and punches Kyle in the face in the process.

In the same week, Jade cracks under the weight of her decision to lose her virginity to someone she never cared about, and stays home from work. When Yasmeen asks to come over, Jade finally admits to her friend all that she's felt these past months. How Jade didn't think she was ready to be in a serious relationship with Adam, but she had always had feelings for him regardless. And though she’s not expecting Adam to want to be with her anymore, Jade acknowledges that she does owe him an apology and explanation for her actions. On  the following day at work, Jade manages to talk with Adam during their break. He admits that he’s hurt by what Jade said, but also respects her for being honest about what happened. They decide that if things are to ever work out between them, they need to rebuild their friendship again first and foremost.

With prom night thankfully in the past, Stephanie doesn't have much to focus on, until her mother offers up throwing her a Graduation Party. Surprised by the gesture of peace from her mom, Stephanie agrees, hoping it'll begin to mend the fractures of their relationship. As the final week passes, things starts to feel okay for Stephanie as her mother at least tries to communicate with her, through arranging the party. As the disappointment Stephanie had felt so heavily before, slowly ebbs away, she allows herself to focus back on her boyfriend. And on the night before her party, he finally agrees he's ready, allowing them to lose their last bit of innocence, together. 

The day of the Graduation Party, Stephanie feels for the first time, that after graduating high school, things will actually be okay. However, she doesn't have time to linger on her thoughts as her best friend Ella arrives. Ella is progressively pulling herself back together after the attempted rape, as well as wanting to see a therapist, but she comes to Stephanie's party better than she has been in weeks. While they're talking, Ella's cousin Jessica joins their group with her girlfriend Yasmeen, who apparently knows Ella from one of their college classes. As they talk about the weird coincide, Stephanie's brother Adam, introduces the girl he brought along, Jade. When Stephanie brings Jade over to introduce her to the group of girls Stephanie had just left behind, she's even more shocked that once again, they seem to already know one another. This time finding out that Jade works with Yasmeen. The five girls laugh at the bizarre occurrence, and while none of them are truly aware, it's the first time in awhile, they’re all genuinely happy. 

During the middle of the party, Stephanie is pulled from the group by her mother, who has a podium stand ready to give a speech from. All the party attendees gather around, as her mother tells of how proud she is of Stephanie, and how she's growing up beautifully, without her mother's help. Her mother's meaningful words procure Stephanie to do the same, quickly standing up to tell her family and friends about how she's had difficulties this past year, but she feels she’s honestly prepared for the next chapter in her life, college. She also talks about how, despite everything, she still loves her family very much. When she finishes, her mother pulls her into a hug. And as they're tangled in the embrace, her mother promises aloud, “We’re gonna be okay,” and for Stephanie, that's all the reassurance she needs to know that it will be true. They’re going to be okay. Aw :) I'm glad for the happy ending. 

 

Kudos to you, tackling a plot with so many themes and characters. It's tough so don't give up! You could clean this up some, you have a lot of minutiae that weigh it down I think. But I certainly cared about your characters and wanted each of them to learn and grow, and it looks like you've got that going on! Good work. 

 

I'd greatly appreciate thoughts on my synopsis for TO SAIL THE STARS!!


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 






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