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SYNOPSIS - A Wizard Deceived


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#1 Keledron

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 01:45 PM

Hi all! Thanks so much for your help with my query thus far. I'll be happy to help with your synopses as best I can, though I freely admit these things are THE DEVIL! I thought queries were tough? BAH! The true nightmare lies in the synopsis.

 

A Wizard Deceived

Synopsis

 

MERLIN AMBROSIUS has spent two thousand years hiding from his enemy, MORGAINE LE FEY, ever since their last duel nearly killed him. Today he lives in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania as Marcus Ambrose, a 30-something comic book store owner who just wants to stop running and live his life. After ten years of peace and no one coming to kill him, Marcus finally has gets taste of what a real life might actually be like.

 

Unfortunately, Marcus’s oldest and closest friends SIR KAY and MORDRET arrive and inform him Morgaine has found him again. This time Marcus decides running is not an option. He loves his town and the friends he’s made. He also has a date with JAMIE BARCLAY, his first date in over three hundred years, and he has never stood a lady up.

 

Marcus and Jamie are ambushed by REVENANTS while at a Nine Inch Nails concert. All clues point to them being sent by Morgaine. Thankfully Kay and Mordret showed up to help even the odds in a fight that the crowd mistakes as “all part of the show.” Jamie aids Marcus in the fight as well, revealing she is the half-daughter of HERACLES, an old friend of Marcus’s who sent her to keep an eye on him.

 

They have little time to rest at Marcus’s apartment. A magical explosion a few blocks from Marcus’s apartment brings the group face to face with a Demon destroying the town as it hunts its target: Marcus. The group is barely able to defeat it and Marcus overextends his power in the process and collapses. He's saved from death by NIMUE, the Lady of the Lake and his former lover.  Nimue comes bearing a message from Morgaine: she wants to meet and discuss a truce between them.

 

Marcus agrees to meet despite his suspicions and his friends’ protests that this is another of her tricks, especially considering recent events. Marcus knows that summoning Demons is something even Morgaine would not stoop to, but stays on his guard.

During the meeting, she reveals THE FATES are dead, freeing King Arthur from his prison in Avalon, and also releasing Marcus and Morgaine from their destiny to kill each other. Oh, and her magic has been stolen, much to Marcus's shock. 

 

She begs Marcus for protection from those who would seek revenge for her past actions once they realize she is powerless to stop them. Marcus agrees on the condition that she come to his shop (where he is better prepared for magical deception).

Morgaine arrives, and Marcus learns that she has spoken true regarding her magic. Marcus performs a ritual to discover who has stolen Morgaine’s power, and finds that Morgaine’s power is actually being redirected to a source in the New Forest Park of the United Kingdom. Marcus has no doubt that whoever summoned the Demon has taken Morgaine’s power, but he still doesn’t know why.

 

Marcus teleports the group through The Pathways and brings them to Brockenhurst, a town near the New Forest. They split up to search for clues and information. Marcus learns a large obelisk appeared in the woods the previous day; and suspects it to be the link to her power loss. Marcus and Morgaine go to investigate.

 

They are attacked by Alphans, lake dwelling assassins, and defeat them thanks to Morgaine acting as a decoy. This attack from water-based creatures raises Marcus’s suspicions. They rush to meet with the rest of the group to find out what everyone has learned, when they're surprised by Kay, who appears with news from Asgard, with KING ARTHUR in tow.

 

Kay reveals that stealing Morgaine’s power was a ploy by THE SUMMONER to get her, Marcus, and Arthur in the same place in order to steal Marcus’s staff, Morgaine’s wand, and Arthur’s sword Caliburn for a Ritual that will turn The Summoner into a God. The Summoner immediately attacks and overcomes them easily, taking the Staff, Wand, and the wounded Arthur before teleporting away.

 

THOR appears, bringing the wounded to speak to ODIN in Asgard, who has a “hail-mary” plan to stop The Summoner. Three people will take the place of the dead FATES, and form a new pact that will contain the power of The Summoner if they succeed in becoming a God. 

 

They return to the Forest where they fight the Summoner’s guards. Marcus discovers the obelisk is bound to Morgaine. He can’t undo the spell nor destroy the obelisk without killing her. But he can redirect her power from the ritual unto himself. The ritual is completed, but he harnesses Morgaine’s power hoping their combined strengths are enough to defeat the newborn God.

 

Marcus faces The Summoner, whose face has been concealed with a mask since their first meeting, but Marcus has figured out her identity.  Revenants and Alphans are creatures of the Water, and Morgaine isn’t the only one who can summon them. The Lady of the Lake also has that power.

 

Nimue removes her mask, revealing she's gone insane with lust for divine power. She tells Marcus she's tired of being “second” to Morgaine and has tried for centuries to get him to turn aside from Morgaine to be with her, revealing it was she behind all the attempts on his life.

 

Marcus refuses Nimue, horrified at the evil she has committed to remove her rivals. Driven mad by Marcus’s refusal, Nimue attacks him, their battle shaking the foundations of the world. Marcus falters in the face of Divine rage. As he is about to be defeated, Morgaine speaks to him telepathically, explaining she will sever the connection with the obelisk causing a power surge that will weaken Nimue, and trigger the spell to make her, Mordret and Arthur THE NEW FATES, at the cost of their lives.

 

The result is a surge of magical power never seen before. A mountain rises from the ground thanks to the resultant chaos. As the world screams and heaves, the New Fates and the Divinities form a new Pact which will imprison and keep Nimue dormant until she has enough worshippers to grant her the power to awaken.

 

Magic returns to the world as a result of Nimue’s actions, paving the way for the inevitable clash between magic and modern technology. Finally, a coven of Witches who witnessed the appearance of the mountain see it as a sign of the Goddess’s return, and make their way to worship her there, causing Nimue to stir in her sleep.

 

END


Any critiques on my current query for A Wizard Deceived would be highly appreciated, and I would gladly critique yours in return!

 

http://agentquerycon...rd-deceived-uf/

 

Synopsis critiques would be SO APPRECIATED!!

 

http://agentquerycon...izard-deceived/

 

Follow Merlin's journey to publication!

 

http://scribblersepic.livejournal.com/

 

 

 


#2 Phaust

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Posted 02 May 2017 - 06:20 PM

Cool. I liked your QL. Now I get to hunt the big game....

 

Hi all! Thanks so much for your help with my query thus far. I'll be happy to help with your synopses as best I can, though I freely admit these things are THE DEVIL! I thought queries were tough? BAH! The true nightmare lies in the synopsis.

 

A Wizard Deceived

Synopsis

 

ever since their last duel nearly killed him, MERLIN AMBROSIUS has spent two thousand years hiding from his enemy, MORGAINE LE FEY, ever since their last duel nearly killed him. Today he lives in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania as Marcus Ambrose, a 30-something comic book store owner who just wants to stop running and live his life. After ten years of peace and no one coming to kill him, Marcus finally has gets taste of what a real life might actually be like.

 

Unfortunately, Marcus’s oldest and closest friends SIR KAY and MORDRET arrive and inform him Morgaine has found him again. This time Marcus decides running is not an option. He loves his town and the friends he’s made. He also has a date with JAMIE BARCLAY, his first date in over three hundred years, this is great and he has never stood a lady up. I am curious as to how everyone is able to live forever. Don't know if that is possible to include or if it is truly all that important. But it is a bit of an off-ramp.

 

Marcus and Jamie are ambushed by REVENANTS which are what? while at a Nine Inch Nails concert. All clues point to them being sent by Morgaine. Thankfully Kay and Mordret showed up to help even the odds in a fight that the crowd mistakes as “all part of the show.” Jamie aids Marcus in the fight as well, revealing she is the half-daughter of HERACLES, an old friend of Marcus’s who sent her to keep an eye on him.

 

They have little time to rest at Marcus’s apartment. A magical explosion a few blocks from Marcus’s apartment brings the group face to face with a Demon destroying the town as it hunts its target: Marcus. You could delete the para up to here, replacing "it" with "a Demon." The group is barely able to defeat it and Marcus overextends his power in the process and collapses. He's saved from death by NIMUE, the Lady of the Lake and his former lover.  Nimue comes bearing a message from Morgaine: she wants to meet and discuss a truce between them.

 

Marcus agrees to meet despite his suspicions and his friends’ protests that this is another of her Morgaine's tricks, especially considering recent events. Marcus knows that summoning Demons is something even Morgaine would not stoop to, but stays on his guard.

During the meeting, she reveals THE FATES are dead, freeing King Arthur from his prison in Avalon, and also releasing Marcus and Morgaine from their destiny to kill each other. Oh, and her magic has been stolen, much to Marcus's shock. 

 

She begs Marcus for protection from those who would seek revenge for her past actions once they realize she is powerless to stop them. Marcus agrees Why? She was hunting him for eons. Why not kill her Fates or no? on the condition that she come to his shop (where he is better prepared for magical deception).

Morgaine arrives, and Marcus learns that she has spoken true regarding her magic. Marcus performs a ritual to discover who has stolen Morgaine’s power, and finds that Morgaine’s power is actually being redirected to a source in the New Forest Park of the United Kingdom. Marcus has no doubt that whoever summoned the Demon has taken Morgaine’s power, but he still doesn’t know why.

 

Marcus teleports the group through The Pathways and brings them to Brockenhurst, a town near the New Forest. They split up to search for clues and information. Marcus learns a large obelisk appeared in the woods the previous day; and suspects it to be the link to her power loss. When Marcus and Morgaine go to investigate they are attacked by Alphans (CAPS), lake dwelling assassins, and defeat them thanks to Morgaine acting as a decoy. This attack from water-based creatures raises Marcus’s suspicions. They rush to meet with the rest of the group to find out what everyone has learned, when they're surprised by Kay, who appears with news from Asgard, with KING ARTHUR in tow.

 

Kay reveals that stealing Morgaine’s power was a ploy by THE SUMMONER to get her, Marcus, and Arthur in the same place in order to steal Marcus’s staff, Morgaine’s wand, and Arthur’s sword Caliburn for a Ritual that will turn The Summoner into a God. The Summoner immediately attacks and overcomes them easily, taking the Staff, Wand, and the wounded Arthur before teleporting away. Anyway to mention the Summoner earlier so this doesn't feel so out of the blue?

 

THOR appears, bringing the wounded to speak to ODIN in Asgard, who has a “hail-mary” plan to stop The Summoner. Three people will take the place of the dead FATES, and form a new pact that will contain the power of The Summoner if they succeed in becoming a God. I feel myself starting to fatigue here. I imagine this means you need to step on elevation higher with regards to the plot description. 

 

They return to the Forest where they fight the Summoner’s guards. Marcus discovers the obelisk is bound to Morgaine. He can’t undo the spell nor destroy the obelisk without killing her. But he can redirect her power from the ritual unto himself. The ritual is completed, but he harnesses Morgaine’s power hoping their combined strengths are enough to defeat the newborn God.

 

Marcus faces The Summoner, whose face has been concealed with a mask since their first meeting, but Marcus has figured out her identity.  Revenants and Alphans are creatures of the Water, and Morgaine isn’t the only one who can summon them. The Lady of the Lake also has that power.

 

Nimue removes her mask, revealing she's gone insane with lust for divine power. She tells Marcus she's tired of being “second” to Morgaine and has tried for centuries to get him to turn aside from Morgaine to be with her, revealing it was she behind all the attempts on his life.

 

Marcus refuses Nimue, horrified at the evil she has committed to remove her rivals. Driven mad by Marcus’s refusal, Nimue attacks him, their battle shaking the foundations of the world. Marcus falters in the face of Divine rage. As he is about to be defeated, Morgaine speaks to him telepathically, explaining she will sever the connection with the obelisk causing a power surge that will weaken Nimue, and trigger the spell to make her, Mordret and Arthur THE NEW FATES, at the cost of their lives.

 

The result is a surge of magical power never seen before. A mountain rises from the ground thanks to the resultant chaos. As the world screams and heaves, the New Fates and the Divinities form a new Pact which will imprison and keep Nimue dormant until she has enough worshippers to grant her the power to awaken.

 

Magic returns to the world as a result of Nimue’s actions, paving the way for the inevitable clash between magic and modern technology. Finally, a coven of Witches who witnessed the appearance of the mountain see it as a sign of the Goddess’s return, and make their way to worship her there, causing Nimue to stir in her sleep.

 

END

Dig (and dig into) my synopsis (even sounds like a head ache diagnosis) here: http://agentquerycon...opsis/?p=337438






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