Seventeen-year-old Erica is a timekeeper who's capable of stealing people's lifetime (Good hook, but I do have a question or two. Like does she steal the years from someone's life or just takes their lives right then and there?). Whenever she's injured, whether it’s
only a hand burn or a dislocated arm, she uses the time she stole to heal herself. (It does seem silly to use someone's time to heal a hand burn, but I'mma go with it.)
As the last royal timekeeper (There was more of these people? What happened to the others?), Erica is set to become the leader of her people. But (Reads more fluidly than "yet".)
not all the power in the world cannot protect her from Daray: (Either works, but I'd do a :.) the man who murdered her family to be the leader (Question: If her parents, who are the original leaders, are dead, wouldn't the power just go to her instead of him? So, "to be the leader" would be incorrect. I suggest perhaps: "...her family to get one step closer to taking the leader position for himself" or something like that.). The fear of him cut her off from society (How? Did she run away? Show this. - Also, this is when you'd mention that he took the leader position, because now it's available if she did run away.), but now after years of seclusion that has made her a self-serving girl (Sounds strange to me, but could work.), Erica leaves the safety of her hiding place to atone (I'd use a simpler word than "atone" to help keep the flow of the sentence. I had to pause at that word for a sec.) for the life she didn’t live. (You mean to take the leader spot back?)
starts to changes when she meets Kyle, the boy who falls for her (I wouldn't say that. Seems like random info. I want to know who he is and what he believes in. Not about his love life.), despite her dangerous power (What dangerous power? Why are you just mentioning it now?), and shows her the life she’s been missing (What life has she been missing? Be specific. Also, I thought she was going to take the leader spot back. What happened?). For the first time, Erica feels safe (Expand on this more. How does he make her feel safe?) and can’t help falling for him. However, her happy days don’t last long (Or: "...days are cut short when...") when Daray shows up at Kyle’s doorstep, demanding his help to kill Erica. (1. Daray and Kyle know each other? 2. Why would Daray ask for Kyle's help? He has the leader position, doesn't he? Shouldn't he have hundreds of people under him that can do the work for him? 3. Why is he looking for Erica if he has the spot?) Feeling hopeless as ever, Erica discovers that Kyle is part of an old circle devoted to eliminate all timekeepers. (1. That is a complete sentence. 2. What. A circle? Like a group? - Good tension, but I want more. I would change to: "...Erica realizes that Kyle is a member of the _(give name of circle here)__, which is a deadly group aimed at eliminating all timekeepers. They only have one more left to go.)
Caught between her fear of Daray (Why is she afraid of him? Does he have powers too?) and her love for Kyle (But if he truly loves her, he wouldn't be a threat and would betray Daray. もちろん.), Erica finds herself
torn, forced to either make the hardest decision of her life: (This is telling. "Show" rather than "tell".) run away (again?) and leave Kyle alone to face Daray or stay and risk her life t he life she tried so hard to protect for the boy who has the power to end her. (What power does he have??? Introduce that earlier on. That'll build more tension in the query. Also, how long have they known each other? Like how long has it been since she ran away?)
Good draft. The more questions, the more I was curious and interested in your query, so great job. You have a good plot and good set up going here. My main thing is details. I need more details about each other their powers. Like...does everyone have a power? If you introduce something, explain it.