Hello, everyone. So after countless revisions, 1 full request, and 22 rejections, I’m back here for more rip-my-work-to-shreds feedback. I’ve updated the query to highlight the protagonist’s motivations while focusing more on the plot as opposed to the plot twist. Have a crack at it (critically of course), and if you’d like I’d be glad to pay it forward. Just leave your query link in the post.
Dear (agent’s name):
Every morning, Rebecca Saunders removes the pistol from underneath her pillow, then steps into a world fraught with peril. The Earth is dying, the blue sun devastates the land, and a rabid race of infected superhumans roam the countryside. So she clings to her gun and a fierce desire to protect her hometown because they are all she has left.
While out scavenging, Rebecca discovers a telekinetic, infected child shackled in a cellar. She knows she should inform the town’s leaders since the boy could be dangerous, but after forming an instant bond with him, she decides to keep him in secret.
That same day, soldiers arrive, and her once cloistered town begins to collapse—beatings of dissidents, forced starvations, and the construction of a border wall meant to “protect” the people. Then the military reveals that they haven’t just come for the town but also to retrieve the boy. Rebecca becomes more determined to defend the things she holds dear, mounting a resistance and engaging in bloody contests with the soldiers. However, the military is equally as unremitting. For them, the boy holds a power that will give them an advantage in a war raging beyond the town’s borders, a war that will decide Earth’s future, a war that is now centered on Rebecca and her people.
DROUGHT is complete at 95,000 words. I’ve included (page numbers). I appreciate your time.