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Attempt at 1st hook (YA/NA speculative fiction)

Fiction Science Fiction Fantasy

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#1 rvehall

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:24 PM

Have you ever wondered what heaven is like or if all the gods and the Four Horsemen existed? #WhenChildrenPlayGod

 

Edit - new hooks: 5/22/2017

• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are real and they're trying to save your life. #WhenChildrenPlayGod #ThingsGoToHell

• The Four Horsemen are trying to save the world but things aren't going their way. #WhenChildrenPlayGod #ThingsGoToHell



#2 Testome

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:41 PM

Not sure why the twitter link is included here. But this hook doesn't tell us anything. Questions generally don't lead us anywhere and this has no context. I would start with A) who is the mc and what they want B)What get's in their way. It also reads more like fantasy than sci-fi. 



#3 rvehall

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 01:08 PM

That's just the hashtag included with the hook. Didn't realize it would auto-link to Twitter.

I put it as sci-fi over fantasy because there are a lot of science fiction in it (such as how time works). Speculative Fiction might be better since it's more general and encompasses both?



#4 Testome

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 06:17 PM

That's just the hashtag included with the hook. Didn't realize it would auto-link to Twitter.

I put it as sci-fi over fantasy because there are a lot of science fiction in it (such as how time works). Speculative Fiction might be better since it's more general and encompasses both?

I'm not sure I would immediately say science fiction after reading your query. That didn't pop out at me at all. I would say more Fantasy(I didn't see any science fiction elements). But if it's not a technological aspect in relation to it I wouldn't consider science fiction. If you've read Outlander. Time travel is involved, but it's in no way science fiction to me. It just has to have that technological aspect with these elements from my point of view. If it's just power and abilities(unless some tech or radiation causes it and that explored sort of thing.) Are the characters in your story using tech over fantasy? That didn't really come across in the query as anything remotely related to science fiction. A nice concept but it read as fantasy they way you wrote it. 

 

 

As four your new hooks. I like the twist on the four horsemen, but you need more specificity. It's still somewhat vague. 



#5 rvehall

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Posted 23 May 2017 - 12:29 AM

I'm not sure I would immediately say science fiction after reading your query. That didn't pop out at me at all. I would say more Fantasy(I didn't see any science fiction elements). But if it's not a technological aspect in relation to it I wouldn't consider science fiction. If you've read Outlander. Time travel is involved, but it's in no way science fiction to me. It just has to have that technological aspect with these elements from my point of view. If it's just power and abilities(unless some tech or radiation causes it and that explored sort of thing.) Are the characters in your story using tech over fantasy? That didn't really come across in the query as anything remotely related to science fiction. A nice concept but it read as fantasy they way you wrote it. 

 

 

As four your new hooks. I like the twist on the four horsemen, but you need more specificity. It's still somewhat vague. 

 

The science aspect is more so things like how the world works (time, physics, etc don't always follow the rules). I will change it to fantasy. 

I will try more hooks tomorrow.

 

Thanks!!



#6 rvehall

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Posted 23 May 2017 - 11:17 AM

A man and his wife, the Four Horsemen, a fallen angel; the fate of humanity rests on the backs fragile egos.



#7 Niambi

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Posted 23 May 2017 - 07:51 PM

So for a hook to work it HAS to have these things:

 

1) The MC

2) What the MC wants or has to do

3) Who or what is preventing the MC from obtaining/completing his/her goals.

4) What the MC is going to do to overcome

5) * sometimes * what's at risk if the MC doesn't complete the journey.

 

Loglines for films are done in almost the same way, so check this link out:

 

http://nofilmschool....riting-loglines

 

A decent hook would be something along the lines of:

 

Atheist Jason Mandoza and his wife invented the dohickey, but when the Four Horsemen tell them a fallen angel will threaten humanity with it, they must put their egos and worldview aside to save the day.

So it's tacky and has nothing to do with your story, but we have:

 

1) Jason and his wife (Jason being the MC)

2) He wants to build the doohickey

3) A fallen angel will use the doohickey to destroy the world

4) Put his worldview aside and trust the four horsemen

5) to save the world.



#8 Beth Kerring

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 10:12 PM

I'm still fairly new to hooks myself, but I like what Niambi suggested. The initial hooks do catch my attention, but I found myself more interested when hearing about the characters involved and why this particular struggle is difficult for them. The earlier hooks give me an idea of the world, but I think more knowledge of the actual characters would help those hearing the hook feel more invested in those characters, rather than just the world they're living in.

 

Your story sounds really interesting, by the way!



#9 rvehall

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Posted 25 May 2017 - 10:32 AM

Thanks, guys!







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