Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

The Life and Times of Bibi (YA Magical Realism)


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Beth Kerring

Beth Kerring

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 7 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, published
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:"The Boy Behind the Wall" (short story) published in Sick Lit Magazine in April 2017.

Posted 21 May 2017 - 11:47 AM

A thirteen-year-old girl’s imaginary friend attacks anyone who hurts her, but her friends and family think she is responsible.

 

(Thanks so much for any advice!)



#2 Testome

Testome

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 363 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted 21 May 2017 - 06:46 PM

I think you could clarify the character's goal, but otherwise, I like this for a hook. (it may seem obvious, but it should be stated I think.)



#3 rvehall

rvehall

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 20 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Southwest
  • Publishing Experience:Self-published through CreateSpace.

Posted 22 May 2017 - 05:05 PM

Is the friend actually imaginary or just can't be heard/isn't solid/etc? She (I assume the friend is a she since the MC is a she) sounds she's invisible or is a ghost (think Ghost Dad). An "imaginary friend" that attacks people seems a little unbelievable to me (but if you can make it believable within your story, go you) but other than that, I like it.



#4 Beth Kerring

Beth Kerring

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 7 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, published
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:"The Boy Behind the Wall" (short story) published in Sick Lit Magazine in April 2017.

Posted 22 May 2017 - 06:38 PM

Thanks so much, Testome and rvehall!!

 

Rvehall, you'd be correct that she isn't actually an imaginary friend - I used that term because that's what people around my MC refer to her as (since they don't believe she's real), and my MC doesn't actually know what she is for the majority of the story. I'll try to think of a better way to put it that would get the point across more clearly.



#5 rvehall

rvehall

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 20 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Southwest
  • Publishing Experience:Self-published through CreateSpace.

Posted 23 May 2017 - 12:26 AM

Ah! That makes sense. 



#6 Niambi

Niambi

    Malaika: Fallen

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 349 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Journalism

Posted 25 May 2017 - 08:52 PM

That's awesome but what is the story about?  

 

I like the premise ... along with the hook rvehall wrote and this one they're the best I've read in a long time.  

 

Although, what's going on in the book?  Is the imaginary friend guilty of a crime and now the girl is held responsible?  Does the imaginary friend vanish one day and the girl has to find out what was going on?  What's the journey the MC takes?  What does the friend or the MC want out of life?

 

"Bullied to no end, Sarah finds safety in an imaginary friend, but when a bully ends up dead, Sarah finds herself on the wrong end of the law and on the run to clear her name."



#7 Beth Kerring

Beth Kerring

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 7 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, published
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:"The Boy Behind the Wall" (short story) published in Sick Lit Magazine in April 2017.

Posted 29 May 2017 - 12:12 PM

Thank you, Niambi!! That's excellent advice, I think I have a much better idea of where to go in the pitch from here.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users