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DAISY EATERS Literary fiction

Fiction Literary Fiction

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#1 WillowSchafer


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Posted 30 May 2017 - 11:32 AM

Hey, everyone! Thanks in advance to anyone who has time to critique. 



ROBIN ROBINSON is that teenager who steals apple pies and cries on the bathroom floor as her mother’s fists bang on the door. The only way Robin can get people’s heads to turn is by making them hate her, always going for more bad decisions, more excitement, but more is never enough. She constantly feels stuck between being a liability and a mediocre tragedy. It’s 1971 and she is suffocating in suburbia’s normalcy, but no one sees because the people here are daisy eaters, the types that talk about nothing and pretend to be perfect as daisies, but it’s all just lies in their teeth.



Then there’s the new guy across the street, mature ATTICUS CAUL, with salt-and-pepper hair and a flower garden. Caul is captivated by Robin’s dauntlessness and how no rules, amorous taboo, or even death can quench her need to see beyond the streets of suburbia. And so this idiot is stupid enough to fall in love, wanting to help Robin, however, the nosey housewives rarely give them time to talk. So when Robin discretely confronts him about running away to New York City, he agrees in an instant. Caul reveals himself to be a millionaire investor, introducing Robin to a world of money, drugs, glamor, and danger.


Robin hopes the city is enough for her, but finds she’s suffocating again under painted masks and obsessive love, causing her to forget her origins and even her own name as she’s transformed into Caul’s flawless fantasy, Venus. She is forced to decide whether to run away to pave her own future, at the cost of driving Caul to heart-broken suicide. However, if she stays with Caul, she risks losing not only her identity, but her life, among the glimmering city lights.

If you have any time, it would be great if you could review my query

#2 Aightball



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Posted 31 May 2017 - 08:52 PM

This sounds like your query, only a bit longer.  A synopsis should tell the story from beginning to end.  I would rework this so that you give us the book (you don't have to include everything, just the important bits) and tell us how it ends (because I want to know, haha!).  I'm eager for your revision =)!

Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...-urban-fantasy/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com


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Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret


#3 JoQwerty


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Posted 01 June 2017 - 04:37 AM

I agree with Aightball, this reads like an extended logline. The synopsis must give the main plot from beginning to end leaving out any subplots. This is not a teaser, you must give away the ending.

#4 loopygoose


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Posted 08 June 2017 - 05:37 PM

I'm new to this but I'd also be inclined to add that, on the basis of what you've written, I wouldn't term it literary fiction. 

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, Literary Fiction

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