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Hook Help!


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#1 Dahlia Baker

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Posted 01 June 2017 - 03:42 PM

Hi,
This is the only partially reasonable hook I've been able to come up with after brainstormingfor weeks. Please kindly help review. Thank you

No one is immune to natures chain of serial disasters. Not even Aisha, a young Fulani maid, who had spent most of her life living the privileged way.

Or


When Aisha, a young fulani maid is assaulted by her boss, her normally enviable life shifts, dragging in a chain of disasters.

#2 Keeppositive

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Posted 01 August 2017 - 06:26 PM

When Aisha, a young fulani maid is assaulted by her boss, her normally enviable life shifts, dragging in a chain of disasters.

 

I like this one best, but would change it a little:

 

"When young Fulani maid Aisha is _______________ (what kind of assaulted? sexually? physically?) assaulted, her once priviledged (?) enviable (?) life shifts, dragging erupting in a chain of disasters .



#3 punitrastogi

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Posted 10 August 2017 - 04:41 AM

You have the basics right, I am intrigued as a reader. But there is a lot of unknowns.

So if it was a competition, your hook will qualify, but will not make it to the finals.

 

I guess you need to provide the goal (what does she do when she is assaulted), the challenges (what kind of disasters? personal/natural/social?) and the dilemma (what is Aisha's alternative from her current lifestyle? is she desperate enough for it?)

 

Hope it helps.

 

Please have a look at my hook too.






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