Hi, all! Thanks for helping. This is the first 250 for my MS I'm in the middle of querying. I'm taking a small break to hammer out some kinks. I'm particularly interested in the second paragraph because that's the one I've rewritten the most... I think I nearly have it (or already have it!) and want some feedback on it. Any other feedback is welcomed and highly appreciated, too!
The hand that lived under the bed never truly revealed itself to Evelyn Cummings, and that was fine.
It was a fuzzy ball of black static like a knot in a hairbrush when it arrived. Evelyn knew it was one of the stronger ones and that it would grow until it looked like a bedsheet ghost in black. Without words, this black mass, this shadow, was supposed to tell her how death came. Half a face or freshly melted limbs were the most common. The hand was supposed to do this. Instead, it tried to kill her.
Evelyn shook her foot against the chair leg and rolled her neck, not wanting to think anymore about the hand that lived under her bed. This is taking longer than usual, she thought. But she was at the hospital, so it was safe to think. But the problem with thinking is that you think… She couldn’t help it, though. She needed to understand before the hand tried to kill her again.
The hand appeared in June, a week after the twins left for Fresno. The static bled out from the underside of Evelyn’s bed where dark met hardwood. Each time she walked past, thin wisps reached out, but only ever claimed the white sheets hanging off the bed. It never moved to follow her like some did. It was safe to look at shadows in this early stage; without eyes, they moved unsure over the floor like wind-up turtles.
Evelyn was almost on her bed, just one foot away.