A few things to consider:
When Lisa Jensen reluctantly joined her best friend in his
heroic crusade to save Strand City, she didn’t realize that in one explosive instant it would end up stealing two years of her life away. She now needs the help of a man (literally) possessed to help her put all the pieces back together to get back to the man Lisa refuses to admit she loves.
I'm not sure if the possessed man is the same as the other man? Maybe a name to differentiate them? And I think I could use a tiny bit of clarification on the nature of the possession.
just an Operations Director who is trying her best to deal with the extraordinary situations that her best friend James Binesi A.K.A. Thunderbird, has placed her in. She's the unsung hero, the woman behind the man with the cape, but don't call her a sidekick. But she's had it with being kidnapped and/or tortured by Thunderbird's enemies every other week. The life she’s leading is starting to take a toll on her physically and emotionally. To add insult to insanity, <i like this it’s a lonely road. Dating is hard when you're busy holding a torch for your best friend. It's even harder when you show up to a date after you've been injected with a serum that turns you into a bustier-wearing evil version of yourself.
What happened to the possessed character? There's also a pretty distinct tonal shift here from serious to tongue-in-cheek. Personally, I like the voice that comes through here more than the first paragraph.
Lisa wants out but, once you enter a world full of heroes and villains, you sign a lengthy unspoken contract (much like the iTunes user agreement) with those who wish to do you harm. As she tries to navigate the treacherous waters of knowing, and loving, a superhero you'll get to meet others who share in her pain. I think you want to avoid directly referencing the reader in your query; it pulls their attention away from the story you're telling.
An unexpected double cross will lead her to make a life altering decision. Will she be able to share her heart with James before it gets ripped out of her chest? If there's one thing Lisa knows it's that when you're not Super, you're supercilious.
SUPERCILIOUS, is my first novel. It's an 82,000-word literary sci-fi/superhero book that functions as a standalone story with series potential. It's a story told from the point of view of the people who sometimes feel like crickets bought from a pet store: disposable.
A quick note; are you implying that this work is going to have multiple perspectives?
With a strong female lead and a diverse cast of heroes, gods, and everyday people just trying to survive the day, I think my story will resonate with lovers of pop culture, sci-fi, and fantasy. This novel also casts people of color in the main roles. As a woman who has a culturally diverse background, I feel it's important for us to be represented and to be able to see a piece of ourselves in the story. This book is pretty relatable to both women and men, and can reach a vast audience. There is also potential here for this story to be expanded into a series.
I'd strike the parts about who you think the book will appeal to, but keep the notes on diversity, since many agents seem to be seeking underrepresented voices.
Professionally, I've worked in the television industry for the past fifteen years. Most of my writing was creating scripts for shoots and interviews during my seven years as a digital video producer for Syfy. More recently I've covered stories for Crime Feed, Investigation Discovery's crime blog. I currently work as an Executive Digital Producer for Investigation Discovery.
Don't get me wrong here; your career credentials are all far more impressive than mine, but I think the general rule is that if something doesn't directly apply to your writing (ie you're a detective with 20 years of experience writing a noir thriller) you leave it out.
I look forward to your response and I thank you for your time.
I hope those comments are helpful. A few other general thoughts to consider: queries often fall in the range of 250-300 words, while yours clocks in at 500. I don't think this is a deal-breaker by any means, but if you can remove a bit of the background and make it more concise, I think your query will benefit from it.
The line about the heart being ripped out before she can offer it is very, very compelling place to start from. Then maybe follow with a line or two about the conflict with leaving the superhero life?
But yeah, this looks good! Have you ever read the Reckoner's trilogy by Brandon Sanderson? It's a superhero series that sold really well, with a main character who's voice might be fairly comparable to yours. Good luck!