Seventeen-year-old Ozymandias Black spends his nights on a rooftop convincing strangers not to jump. Fantastic. Strangers that – unlike himself – are worth saving.
He is his own His own story is his most compelling argument: two years ago, Oz's suicide attempt tried to kill himself following the death of his mother. He survived, but irrevocably damaged the nerves in his right hand, and with them, his chances of earning a place in society.
In Oz’s post-nuclear world, citizens must contribute more resources than they consume. Says who?
It’s a The rule that allows what’s left of humanity to survive, but it leaves little room for those like Oz, who struggle with mental or physical illness.
from the relative safety of school in two weeks. If he hasn’t found a way to be net-positive by then, society will cast him out to die on the frozen wasteland that used to be the Pacific Ocean. When I read this I thought that sitting on the rooftop is his attempt at a net-positive contribution.
Oz has all but given up hope Now I'm lost because I don't understand why he's sitting on the rooftop when when his paralyzed uncle
– well aware of his nephew’s escapist tendencies, and desperate to give him another reason to fight – gifts him a machine that can transport him to a virtual world. A world where Oz's right hand can once again form a fist, or even hold a girl’s hand. And, hopefully, where he can finally come to terms with his past.
But Oz’s time is running out. If he’s to survive beyond graduation, he must use his time in the machine to confront and upend the single assertion that’s defined him for far too long: that he doesn’t deserve to be saved, not even by himself. I really like this and it gives a good sense of jeopardy. Your single biggest problem with this query is that the start is excellent and the guts works really well but the two sections don't seem to flow together. I'm left wondering why he's on the rooftop and what that has to do with his real task.
THE MANY SMALL DEATHS OF OZYMANDIAS BLACK is a 93,000 word work of post-apocalyptic YA that explores the relationship between mental illness and a productivity-driven society. Thank you for your time and consideration. This is great. Overall you have a very strong query but it still needs some more polishing. Excellent work!