Jump to content


- - - - -

The Many Small Deaths of Oz (YA sci-fi) revised

Young Adult Science Fiction

  • Please log in to reply
62 replies to this topic

#61 JGettys7


    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 20 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast

Posted Yesterday, 07:19 PM

^ Dude. There it is, right there. I mean, you probably need to throw in a few more details, but...


Yeah. Great work, Gettys.


Thanks, if only my query was this easy to fix haha

#62 Sataris


    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 78 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted Yesterday, 09:55 PM

Thanks guys! I really like how much your version cut out, Jgettys7. I've mostly kept to that order, and am down to a shade under 200 words. I hope I've addressed the stakes a little as well, although my story isn't as between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place as I'd like.



Seventeen-year-old deadbeat Oz has fifteen days to transform from societal parasite to positive contributor. Thankfully, the threat of becoming a corpse Popsicle on the frozen Pacific is a pretty solid motivator.


In Oz’s post-nuclear world, civilization is on the brink of extinction, and every citizen must contribute more resources than they consume. There just isn’t much room for people who, like Oz, suffer from depression.


But Oz still dreams of being useful. Unfortunately, two years ago, he severed the nerves in his right hand while attempting suicide. The injury eliminated his chances of earning a place in his labor-intensive society.


When the inevitability of his fate becomes too much for him, Oz runs to a virtual world in search of a temporary escape. Instead, he meets the savior he doesn’t deserve: June, an impetuous girl who claims to have a way to cheat the requirement for physical labor. All Oz has to do is fool the entire world into believing he’s invaluable, then learn to live around his shame.


In two weeks.

THE MANY SMALL DEATHS OF OZYMANDIAS BLACK is a 93,000 word YA science fiction novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

You can find my current query here.



    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 52 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast

Posted Today, 07:07 AM

Honestly, I still prefer Gettys' version. It has a punch/sizzle this one lacks.

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Young Adult, Science Fiction

1 user(s) are reading this topic

1 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users