Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo
- - - - -

Van Winkle Query 4th Revision

Science Fiction Military/Espionage

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 kaznats

kaznats

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 31 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:https://www.amazon.com/Bottom-Line-Laymans-Guide-Medicine/dp/0875864562 it was published in 2006 by Algora Publishing

Posted 16 June 2017 - 02:41 PM

Dear Ms. Bomke:

 

Alan Rinsler attributes this quote to you, “I love books with some kind of psychological element, like if the MC has a mental illness or if they can’t trust their mind.” That made me think you would appreciate my novel, Viral, which is brimming with dysfunctional characters as diverse as a former KGB agent suffering from PTSD to a medical missionary who is the illegitimate daughter of a voodoo priest.

 

Children begin dying from a mysterious illness on a small Caribbean island. Sister Genevieve Rocco, a medical missionary, discovers the victims had been volunteers in a clinical study of an ancient, resurrected virus. Lt. Colonel Tony Stryker, the clinical trials manager reveals that the medical study was being used as a smokescreen by a covert military unit to develop ‘smart’ biological weapons. Their nano-intelligent flu virus had circumvented the project’s safety protocols and was infecting children with a deadly new strain of flu.

Panic and civil unrest pushes the nation to the brink of being declared a failed state as the emerging flu overwhelms the island’s fragile health care system. An armed Russian biocontainment team quarantines the island forcing Genevieve and Stryker to flee through the subterranean passages of the Mayan Gates of Hell. They have less than a day to find an ancient cure if they are to prevent the virus' spread to the mainland and avert a global pandemic.

VIRAL, a techno-thriller of about 105,000 words, fuses medicine and espionage in a setting rich in natural history, pre-Columbian mythology and native mysticism. The plot is a fictionalized version of an actual event that occurred in 1977 when the previously extinct H1N1 flu virus was resurrected and then escaped during testing, creating the first known man-made pandemic.

I’ve authored many papers on viruses and on the cloning of genes involved in antibiotic production (published in Nature). My academic book, Bottom Line Medicine: A layman's guide to evidence-based medicine, describes problems related to medical treatment of diseases. I have worked nationwide as a traveling ICU nurse and was trained as a Special Forces Aidman.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

kaz



#2 Sataris

Sataris

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 41 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted 16 June 2017 - 03:38 PM

Hi Kaz, some things to consider...

(I think you've got multiple fonts/sizes in your first post)

 

Dear Agent:

Children begin dying from a mysterious illness on a small Caribbean island.
 Sister Genevieve Rocco, a medical missionary discovers the victims were volunteers in a clinical trial of an ancient, resurrected virus. Lt. Colonel Tony Stryker reveals that the vaccine study was actually a covert 'dual use' project for developing biological weapons
Mismanagement and incompetence had led to an accidental release and the creation of a deadly, new flu that targets young children.

 

Could you say something that cuts down on the background here?: Children are dying from a mysterious illness on a small Caribbean Island. Sister Genevieve Rocco, a medical missionary, and Lt Colonel Tony Stryker, the man behind the virus, find themselves relying upon each other at ground zero despite their conflicting motives.

 

My wording here isn't anything close to what you'll want to go with, and I don't know if stryker is truly responsible, but describing them like this might help build some tension between them. It also allows you to establish that the virus is manmade without a full sentence. I'd maybe cut the line on how it was made - I'd assume we'd read about that in the book.

The nation is pushed inexorably into being declared a failed state as the emerging flu and cholera introduced by UN relief workers overwhelms the island’s healthcare system. In desperation, Genevieve and Stryker flee from the corrupt militia and seek the aid of an expert in natural poisons. This seems like an interesting subplot, but maybe not worth getting into in the query

A quarantine initiated by a Russian biocontainment team forces Genevieve and Stryker into the dangerous subterranean passages of Mayan ‘Hell’ What is Mayan Hell?. They have less than a day to find the ancient cure for a modern plague if they are to prevent the virus' global spread.

 

VIRAL is a 105,000 word techno-thriller that fuses medicine and espionage in a setting rich in filled with natural history, pre-Columbian mythology, and native mysticism. The plot is a fictionalized version of an actual event that occurred in 1977-1978 when the previously extinct H1N1 flu virus was resurrected and then escaped during testing, creating the first known man-made pandemic. That. Is. Awesome. (...not that we created a pandemic, that isn't awesome)

I’ve authored many papers on viruses and on the cloning of genes involved in antibiotic production (published in Nature). My academic book, Bottom Line Medicine: A layman's guide to evidence-based medicine describes problems related to medical treatment of diseases. I have worked nationwide as a traveling ICU nurse and was trained as a Special Forces Aidman. Again, awesome. Best applicable bio I've read.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

kaz

 

This is cool, and I love that you're so qualified to write this particular story. The stakes are pretty clear here too. I think you just need to cut down a little on the background info and this is just about ready to go out.

 

Hope that was helpful. If you've got a minute, please check out my most recent query here: http://agentquerycon...poc-ya-revised/



#3 secondstar87

secondstar87

    secondstar

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 163 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Won 2nd place in the Reading Rainbow contest (all gotta start somewhere, right?)

Posted 16 June 2017 - 03:57 PM

Children begin dying from a mysterious illness on a small Caribbean island. Sister Genevieve Rocco, a medical missionary discovers the victims were volunteers in a clinical trial of an ancient, resurrected virus. Lt. Colonel Tony Stryker reveals that the vaccine study was actually a covert 'dual use' project for developing biological weaponsMismanagement and incompetence had led to an accidental release and the creation of a deadly, new flu that targets young children. 

 

This story sounds really interesting, but I think you need to rework your style for a query. Vary up your sentence structure. You want a hook "When XYZ happens, then..." not just a narrative/list of what happens. For example, "When children begin dying on a small Caribbean island, Sister Genevieve Rocco, a medical missionary, discovers that a secret vaccine study accidentally released a deadly virus..." 

The nation is pushed inexorably into being declared a failed state as the emerging flu and cholera introduced by UN relief workers overwhelms the island’s healthcare system. In desperation, Genevieve and Stryker flee from the corrupt militia and seek the aid of an expert in natural poisons. Again, this feels more like a play-by-play or synopsis. Think of the inside cover of a book -- hook, character/context, stakes, and cliffhanger!

Quarantine initiated by a Russian biocontainment team forces Genevieve and Stryker into the dangerous subterranean passages of Mayan ‘Hell’. They have less than a day to find the ancient cure for a modern plague if they are to prevent the virus' global spread.

 

VIRAL, a techno-thriller of about 105,000 words, fuses medicine and espionage in a setting rich in natural history, pre-Columbian mythology and native mysticism. The plot is a fictionalized version of an actual event that occurred in 1977-1978 when the previously extinct H1N1 flu virus was resurrected and then escaped during testing, creating the first known man-made pandemic. This sounds fascinating. I can tell you are very knowledgeable. 

I’ve authored many papers on viruses and on the cloning of genes involved in antibiotic production (published in Nature). My academic book, Bottom Line Medicine: A layman's guide to evidence-based medicine describes problems related to medical treatment of diseases. I have worked nationwide as a traveling ICU nurse and was trained as a Special Forces Aidman.

 

I'd appreciate your thoughts on my query for "To Sail the Stars"! 


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Science Fiction, Military/Espionage

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users