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Query that got me my agent


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#1 scubasteve4

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 01:43 PM

I wasn't so sure I'd ever be able to start a new topic in this thread. I'd racked up hundreds and hundreds of rejections from literary agents on various projects over the years. I hoped my latest project would be the one. Nope. I got some requests, but they all ended in rejections. I did a major rewrite of the story and tested my luck again. More rejections. Then I got a few full requests. But I'd been down that road before. I wasn't holding my breath. When I got an email reply from an agent who had the full, I was sure it was a rejection. Instead, it was a request to set up a call. The Call. I ended up getting an offer. Then I contacted other agents who had the full, and within days I had multiple offers to consider. Nothing for years, then multiple offers within days. Funny how life works. Anyway, here's the query. The request rate on it wasn't great, but it served its purpose in getting a few agents to actually read the entire book. A huge thanks to everyone from this site who helped me along the way. 

 

Dear XXXXX,
 
After losing his twin brother and his right hand in a car crash, thirteen-year-old Kyle struggles to return to baseball and fulfill the dream he and his brother once shared—winning the Brookhaven Invitational Baseball Tournament.
 
Although he misses his brother, Kyle practices pitching and batting one-handed each day with Fernanda—his catcher and supportive friend. All the hard work appears wasted when his coach and several of his teammates bail, which leaves his team ineligible to compete in the tournament. It’s game on, though, when Kyle convinces his estranged dad to take over as coach and his troublemaker cousin joins the team as the ninth player.
 
As Kyle leads his ragtag club toward the championship, he develops a crush on Fernanda and grows close to his father and cousin. When Kyle settles a score with a bully by whiffing him each at bat and bouncing his team from the tournament, he thinks the torment from him is over. He thought wrong. The bully pulls a nasty prank on Kyle a few hours before the big game, and Kyle must choose between keeping the dream alive and keeping his family together.
 
I am a professional copywriter, and a former marketing manager and college baseball player.
 
Complete at 48,000 words, my middle grade contemporary manuscript THE WINDUP will appeal to readers of Mike Lupica's "Comeback Kids” novels. I have pasted a sample below. May I send you the finished manuscript? Thank you for your time and consideration. 
 
Best regards,

http://www.stevencarman.com
 

BatteryBros3.jpg

 

Published: March 30, 2014
Elephant's Bookshelf Press


#2 LucidDreamer

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 01:49 PM

It's great! I see why it succeeded. Congrats again, Steve!



#3 scubasteve4

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Posted 24 June 2017 - 01:54 PM

It's great! I see why it succeeded. Congrats again, Steve!

Thank you, Vicki!!


http://www.stevencarman.com
 

BatteryBros3.jpg

 

Published: March 30, 2014
Elephant's Bookshelf Press


#4 bijou

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Posted 06 January 2018 - 12:50 PM

I love how concise this is, and also how there's voice in it even while you convey a lot of information very economically. Great work, and congratulations!


If my feedback was helpful, I'd appreciate some thoughts on my historical novel query.


#5 JohnHiggins

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Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:02 AM

Great! Congrats!



#6 tn_writer

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Posted 23 January 2018 - 05:22 PM

Great query! Congrats!



#7 Emily804

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Posted 22 February 2018 - 05:39 PM

Congratulations!!


Query Compatibility YA sci-fi: http://agentquerycon...lity-ya-sci-fi/


#8 giffordmac

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Posted 25 February 2018 - 01:36 PM

Congratulations! Sounds like a great story (shades of Jim Abbott)!


“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel

 

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#9 tonyreynolds

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Posted 11 March 2018 - 01:48 PM

Congratulations. To the point and effective. Very encouraging.



#10 Aightball

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Posted 27 March 2018 - 09:51 PM

Congrats!!!  Great query!!


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

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Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

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