lol I found you.
If Prince Doras
of Pluto doesn’t get his power to generate ice beams, Pluto loses its status as a planet his planet is kicked out of the solar system and a war begins. (Well, he kind of loses more than that, doesn't he? It kind of is the tip that starts the whole warish thing.) Not that Doras cares but he fears the bad king of Jupiter, Rostoria, will take over Pluto. Helpful hint: I'd only use two characters throughout the whole query. Focus on Doras since he is the one who the book opens up with and follows the most. Rostoria is the first major evil. Use him too, but mainly focus on Doras and his issues.
Doras runs to Saturn to complain. His aunt-cum-best friend Queen Nyla assures support. Doras is enjoying Nyla’s hospitality in her super luxurious mansion when sirens disturb him. Giant objects are heading towards Saturn, and a smaller fleet towards Pluto. This part of your query shifts issues, do you see that? First, it's Rostoria, then it's Nyla. The next few paragraphs go straight to Nyla.
Everywhere Doras goes, the war begins. (Don't use other character names, but I'd give examples around here.)
No one can pass through the electric storm around Saturn’s rings without Nyla’s permission. But as the rings get destroyed one by one, Doras hopes Nyla can fight the enemy.
Dependent on the rings, Nyla never had a strong army. Rostoria's soldiers dispose the small opposition and take over the planet. More fleet arrives from Jupiter. Nyla enters the battle and fires lightning bolts at Rostoria. Rostoria's raw strength isn't enough, and he faces defeat as the lightning burns through his armor.
Watching the battle from some distance, Doras does the victory dance and ,unintentionally, fires his first ice beam.
Hurray!! The hurray sounds slightly childish. I wouldn't do it. Time to teach Rostoria a lesson. Doras runs to the battleground and generates a giant ice beam to fire at Rostoria. But Doras trips midway, and the beam hits everyone-- freezing friends and foes. While Rostoria smashes his way out, Nyla is caged in an ice berg.
A friend helps Doras escape the King of Jupiter. Other planets sign a Peace Treaty with Rostoria where he gets Saturn and Pluto. But Doras frowns. He wants Nyla back, but with no one to plead with, the former Prince of Pluto will have to lead the battle against the King of Jupiter. So, I know this happened towards the end of your book. Don't explain that far in advance in the query. Give the opening conflict and make it have some tension by telling everything. Mention his father's death, but hint at his father not being dead. Mention Rostoria killing his main commander in the army. Mention his fear and cowardness. But don't use everyone's name and try not to explain this far into the story.
Jupiter's Ambition is Young-Adult/Children's Sci-Fi/Fantasy novel complete at **** words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
As per the requirements mentioned in your website, I've pasted the first three chapters of the manuscript to this email. Sounds more professional that way. They already know you read the requirements. : P
This is a good draft for your query! I had the same difficulties when I first started my writing my query. Just focus on Doras and all will be well!