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First 250 of... Namless


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#1 Veldehar

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 05:21 PM

I just typed this out while contemplating a short story of the backstory of the MC in Sundering the Gods. I haven't done 1st person in ages, so curious to see what folks think.

*****

“Little girls don’t survive in the woods.”

Those were words my mama hammered into my head from the time I first toddled, and tempered with tales to keep my feet from the underbrush.

Wolves ripped muscles from the legs of foolish children, and ate their guts while the poor soul looked on. If a wolf didn’t get you, witches hid in piles of leaves or stalked among the branches, just waiting for a child whose loss of wits suffered them to get lost. Witches incinerated folks, storing their spirits in jars while using their dust in evil concoctions.

I never did see no wolf, though I heard them singing some nights, and the witches were rarer still. But I believed. The woods terrified me, and I clung to mama’s hem every time we drew close.

I was five years old when she took me to them same woods in the dead of night. She kneeled, grabbed my shoulders, looked me dead in the eye, and said, “Run, Elilês. Don’t let your father and them priests catch you. Run, and never come back.”

I cried first, then I ran. My feet wanted to make a big loop, take me home to the only place I ever knew. My child’s mind tried to convince me I could hide under the floorboards, find comfort in the sound of their voices even if I could never let them see me again. The animal inside of me knew I needed distance and shelter to survive.

#2 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 07:29 PM

Damn dude. Nice!


My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#3 Veldehar

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 08:51 PM

Thanks!

Well, I since caught a dead-dead echo... not horrible but I'm a nutcase.

I need to swing on over to your query again, see what yer upto.

#4 JeffJustWrites

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    Hal ethrimi! (Keep writing!)

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 09:03 PM

Same thing with my random 250..but I remember you saying something to the extent of you "can't write first person." Congrats on proving yourself wrong, Veldude! Keep it up. 


My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#5 Veldehar

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 10:10 PM

I'm wrong a lot, just ask my wife. Nothing special there, heh heh.

#6 Erik18

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Posted 09 October 2017 - 09:21 PM

I like this, but I think you could cut the first 4 paragraphs.  The last two make a killer hook.






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