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Dictionary of the Mother Tongue -- (Literary Mystery) Updated


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#101 VSChapman

VSChapman

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Posted Yesterday, 09:49 PM

Everyone here is awesome! Thank you! How about this way? There are four "her"s in the last sentence. Help with fixing that would be greatly appreciated. And any other comments and crits. Will be returned.

***

After American archaeologist Cristina Smythe barely fights off a would-be assassin in Kiev, she’s convinced her estranged husband ordered the hit. He’s the top military advisor to the Ukrainian President -- and he desperately wants a divorce to marry the mother of his newborn child. (So, I like the hook, but why wouldn't she just give him the divorce? She can't possibly want to reconcile with a man that just tried to kill her right? Is there maybe more to the divorce that she is resisting? Or she just wants to make it hard for him to be with the other woman?)

 

 

To escape her traumas, Cristina uses her expertise on the prehistoric origins of horseback riding to anonymously moderate an online equestrian chat room. When Manyfaces, a new member, sends her emails written in a strange script, Cristina can’t read them. She’s not a linguist. But she recognizes the odd, reconstructed words as the language of the first horsemen -- which means the user has learned her real identity. (I think I may be missing something here but why would someone using some type of old language mean that they know who she is. What's the connection besides she's an archaeologist?)

 

 

Frightened by the digital intrusion, Cristina suspects it’s linked to the attempt on her life. She teams up with an enigmatic hacker to track Manyfaces’ cyber footprint, though even the vast powers of the internet won’t help her decipher the mysterious user’s emails. With her assailant still on the loose and her powerful, soon-to-be-ex blocking the police investigation, Cristina must face her panic over leaving her apartment (with the killer still on the loose) to find the only dictionary that can translate the cryptic messages. 

 

 



#102 Wayfarer

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Posted Yesterday, 11:14 PM

Everyone here is awesome! Thank you! How about this way? There are four "her"s in the last sentence. Help with fixing that would be greatly appreciated. And any other comments and crits. Will be returned.

***

After American archaeologist Cristina Smythe barely fights off a would-be assassin in Kiev, she’s convinced her estranged husband ordered the hit. He’s the top military advisor to the Ukrainian President -- and he desperately wants a divorce to marry the mother of his newborn child.

 

 

To escape her traumas, Cristina uses her expertise on the prehistoric origins of horseback riding to anonymously moderate an online equestrian chat room. When Manyfaces, a new member, sends her emails written in a strange script, Cristina can’t read them. She’s not a linguist. But she recognizes the odd, reconstructed words as the language of the first horsemen -- which means the user has learned her real identity. (After re-reading this, I find I'm confused as to why this means Manyfaces knows her identity. If Manyfaces is a member of a forum all about horse related information, wouldn't an email containing such information, albeit archaic as it is, be expected? What about the language makes her think this person knows who she is?)

 

 

Though frightened by the digital intrusion, Cristina suspects it’s linked to the attempt on her life. She teams up with an enigmatic hacker to track Manyfaces’ cyber footprint, only to find that even the vast powers of the internet can't help her decipher the mysterious user’s emails. With her assailant still on the loose and her powerful, soon-to-be-ex blocking the police investigation, Cristina must act in spite of them both as she searches for an unassuming dictionary capable of translating Manyfaces' cryptic messages, in hopes of unraveling the twisted mystery that surrounds her and escaping from it with her life.

 

 

 






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