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#1 secondstar87

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 11:14 AM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy. Her life has been an endless march of days and weeks, months and years until she can escape her oppressive father--only to find herself, most likely, under the equally heavy thumb of a husband.

 

Eighteenth-century has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat. At night, she escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her brothers. By day, she prepares for her debut, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

Then Wendy’s family flees London in financial disgrace, and she faces the desolate prospect of an impoverished life in the colonies. But when their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER, Wendy discovers an unexpected use for her hitherto-unpopular wits: keeping her family intact--and alive. Ridler maroons them on an exotic island with peculiar instructions: wait three nights ashore, while he stays aboard ship, then summon him with a gunshot.

 

Time, once again, is not in her favor.

 

Two nights pass. Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity help her family survive as a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief and his daughter TIGERLILY caution the Edavenes not to stay the third night--to fire the gun and summon the pirates before the sun sets. But Wendy’s parents fear disobeying Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored across the High Seas to shelter the mythical Fountain of Youth, but adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler can now ransack the island in search of the Fountain, as long as he sleeps aboard ship.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, remove one of his hands in a scuffle, and bring the Edavene children back to their lair. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate, a ticking crocodile, and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

With no one telling her what she can and can’t do or say, Wendy embraces the adventure of her new life and Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, and yet, on the island, time does not exist. The rumors stem from the island’s magical ability to keep children young forever while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the magical creatures who have made the island their refuge after fading from humanity’s belief. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

But just when Wendy thinks she has found a home where she can be truly free, a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. She learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed, because he would rather let them die at the Island’s hands than appear and warn them away from the island.

 

Wendy cannot bear to follow Peter’s orders to remain hidden, knowing that would spell the death of innocent people. She could not save her parents; perhaps this is a chance to redeem herself. Jeopardizing her newfound acceptance, she warns the colonists to find another land for repairs. The backlash from Peter, his boys, and even her own brothers is so strong that, devastated, she leaves with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy is a sensation, and her overbearing grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s heart belongs to a boy with wind in his hair and stars in his eyes, and her old life is an empty, restrictive shell, with time ticking by like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest, CAPTAIN BRADSHAWE, boasting of his naval commission to discover and claim the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

She stows away aboard Bradshawe’s massive man-of-war, but is quickly discovered. Wendy convinces Bradshawe that she can be a go-between to the natives. Meanwhile, she makes the most of her time aboard ship, learning skills of seamanship and gunmanship that will help her turn on Bradshawe once they reach the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Wendy finds the island changed. Her absence was felt. Peter welcomes her back with a revelation of his past, and the admission that he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

It will take more than a few boys to stave off the eight hundred soldiers and sailors that are now anchored along Neverland’s coast, ready to demolish the island in their search of the Fountain. Desperate to defend her brothers, her island family and the precious creatures she has come to love, Wendy must unite Tigerlily, her tribe, and even Ridler’s pirates in order to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the navy of the world’s greatest superpower, Great Britain.  

 

And they are running out of Time.


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 


#2 secondstar87

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 03:54 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy. Her life has been an endless march of days and weeks, months and years until she can escape her oppressive father--only to find herself, most likely, under the equally heavy thumb of a husband.

 

Eighteenth-century has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat. At night, she escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her brothers. By day, she prepares for her debut, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

Then Wendy’s family flees London in financial disgrace, and their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER. Wendy discovers an unexpected use for her hitherto unpopular wits: keeping her family intact--and alive. Ridler maroons them on an exotic island with peculiar instructions: wait three nights ashore then summon him from his ship with a gunshot.

 

Time, once again, is not in her favor.

 

Two nights pass. Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity help her family survive as a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief and his daughter TIGERLILY caution the Edavenes not to stay the third night--to fire the gun and summon the pirates before the sun sets. But Wendy’s parents fear disobeying Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored to shelter the mythical Fountain of Youth, but adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler can now ransack the island in search of the Fountain, as long as he lives aboard ship.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, remove one of his hands in a scuffle, and bring the Edavene children back to their lair. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

Free of her father’s restrictions, Wendy embraces new life and Peter shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, but the island has a magical ability to keep children young while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the creatures who make the island their refuge. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

Just when Wendy thinks she has found a home where she can be truly free, a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. She learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed, because he would rather let them die at the Island’s hands than appear and warn them away.

 

Wendy cannot bear to follow Peter’s orders to remain hidden, knowing that would spell the death of innocent people. Jeopardizing her newfound acceptance, she warns the colonists to find another land for repairs. The backlash from Peter, his boys, and even her own brothers is so strong that, devastated, she departs with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy’s grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s heart belongs to a boy with wind in his hair and stars in his eyes, and her old life is an empty shell, with time ticking like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest, CAPTAIN BRADSHAWE, boasting of his naval commission to discover the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

Discovered stowing away on Bradshawe’s man-of-war, Wendy convinces him that she can be a go-between to the natives. Meanwhile, she makes the most of her time, learning seamanship and gunmanship that will help her turn on Bradshawe once they reach the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Wendy finds the island changed. Peter welcomes her back with a revelation of his past: he and his boys once instigated a notorious mutiny and are wanted at the gallows in England. Now, however, he realizes that he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

They are running out of time.

 

Wendy unites the boys, Tigerlily’s tribe, and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier, fighting breaks out and Captain Bradshawe unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving Bradshawe defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, Bradshawe and his ship flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 


#3 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:14 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale. Hooked. 

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy. Her life has been an endless march of days and weeks, months and years until she can escape her oppressive father--only to find herself, most likely, under the equally heavy thumb of a husbandDon't know how I feel about this last part. 

 

Eighteenth-century has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat. At night, she escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her brothers. By day, she prepares for her debut, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

Then Wendy’s family flees London in financial disgrace, and she faces the desolate prospect of an impoverished life in the colonies. But when their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER, Wendy discovers an unexpected use for her hitherto-unpopular wits: keeping her family intact--and alive. Ridler maroons them on an exotic island with peculiar instructions: wait three nights ashore, while he stays aboard ship, then summon him with a gunshot.

 

Time, once again, is not in her favor.

 

Two nights pass. Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity help her family survive as a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief and his daughter TIGERLILY caution the Edavenes not to stay the third night--to fire the gun and summon the pirates before the sun sets. But Wendy’s parents fear disobeying Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored across the High Seas to shelter the mythical Fountain of Youth, but adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler can now ransack the island in search of the Fountain, as long as he sleeps aboard ship.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, remove one of his hands in a scuffle, and bring the Edavene children back to their lair. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate, a ticking crocodile, and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

With no one telling her what she can and can’t do or say, Wendy embraces the adventure of her new life and Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, and yet, on the island, time does not exist. The rumors stem from the island’s magical ability to keep children young forever while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the magical creatures who have made the island their refuge after fading from humanity’s belief. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

But just when Wendy thinks she has found a home where she can be truly free, a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. She learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed, because he would rather let them die at the Island’s hands than appear and warn them away from the island.

 

Wendy cannot bear to follow Peter’s orders to remain hidden, knowing that would spell the death of innocent people. She could not save her parents; perhaps this is a chance to redeem herself. Jeopardizing her newfound acceptance, she warns the colonists to find another land for repairs. The backlash from Peter, his boys, and even her own brothers is so strong that, devastated, she leaves with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy is a sensation, and her overbearing grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s heart belongs to a boy with wind in his hair and stars in his eyes, and her old life is an empty, restrictive shell, with time ticking by like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest, CAPTAIN BRADSHAWE, boasting of his naval commission to discover and claim the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

She stows away aboard Bradshawe’s massive man-of-war, but is quickly discovered. Wendy convinces Bradshawe that she can be a go-between to the natives. Meanwhile, she makes the most of her time aboard ship, learning skills of seamanship and gunmanship that will help her turn on Bradshawe once they reach the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Wendy finds the island changed. Her absence was felt. Peter welcomes her back with a revelation of his past, and the admission that he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

It will take more than a few boys to stave off the eight hundred soldiers and sailors that are now anchored along Neverland’s coast, ready to demolish the island in their search of the Fountain. Desperate to defend her brothers, her island family and the precious creatures she has come to love, Wendy must unite Tigerlily, her tribe, and even Ridler’s pirates in order to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the navy of the world’s greatest superpower, Great Britain.  

 

And they are running out of Time.

 

 

Wow. WOW. This is a fantastic synopsis! Only one thing, the query is supposed to spoil the ending. I know, I have the same problem haha, but all the same it's a necessary evil. 

 

JJW


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At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#4 secondstar87

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:18 PM

Thank you! Yeah I came back to that :( Here's what I changed it to but I'm not sure if this falls flat... I have issues writing a clear climax lol. 

 

They are running out of time.

 

Wendy unites the boys, Tigerlily’s tribe, and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier, fighting breaks out and Captain Bradshawe unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving Bradshawe defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, Bradshawe and his ship flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 


#5 Sreid

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:36 PM

Hi secondstar,

 

I enjoyed reading your synopsis, though what you have here is far more than one page (882 words). With that in mind, I've suggested some places where you might consider tightening up the wording and cutting less vital information.

 

I won't claim to be any sort of expert on Neverland, but this seems to be a new take on the old story. After reading your synopsis, I was left wondering what the emphasis is with your story. Is it primarily about Wendy's journey toward discovery of Neverland, or her subsequent betrayal and rescue of Peter? Peter comes into your synopsis at about the mid-point, so it appears your story is equally weighted before and after his introduction. Perhaps this is as it should be. I just thought I'd point it out.

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy. Her life has been an endless march of days and weeks, months and years until she can escape her oppressive father--only to find herself, most likely, under the equally heavy thumb of a husband. I don't like this sentence. It speaks of endless dullness and becomes dull itself. I think your synopsis works better without this whole paragraph. You can weave the part about a future husband in later.

 

Eighteenth-century England has little only the prospect of an unhappy marriage to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat. At night, she escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her brothers. By day, she prepares for her debut, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

Then Wendy’s family flees London in financial disgrace, and she faces the desolate prospect of an impoverished life in the colonies. But when their ship is accosted Might I suggest a stronger word for the actions of pirates. boarded by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER, Wendy discovers an unexpected use for her hitherto-unpopular wits: keeping her family intact--and alive. Ridler maroons them on an exotic island with peculiar instructions: wait three nights ashore, while he stays aboard ship, then summon him with a gunshot.

 

Time, once again, is not in her favor.

 

Two nights pass. Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity help her family survive as a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief and his daughter TIGERLILY caution the Edavenes not to stay the third night--to fire the gun and summon the pirates before the sun sets. But Wendy’s parents fear disobeying Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored across the High Seas to shelter the mythical Fountain of Youth, but adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler can now ransack the island in search of the Fountain, as long as he sleeps aboard ship.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, remove one of his hands in a scuffle, and bring the Edavene children back to their lair. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate, a ticking crocodile, You don't mention the crocodile before or after this point, so it can easily be cut. and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret. This secret is something you either must reveal in your synopsis or not mention. For a shorter version of your synopsis, I'd suggest replacing the unrevealed secret with something else, and for a longer version, expounding upon it.

 

With no one telling her what she can and can’t do or say, Wendy embraces the freedom and adventure of her new life(,) and Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, and yet, on the island, time does not exist. The rumors stem from the island’s magical ability to keep Children stay forever young forever while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would becomes fatal to the magical creatures who have made the on that island(,) their last refuge after fading from humanity’s belief. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

But just when Wendy thinks she has found a home where she can be truly free her place on the island, a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. She learns that glimpses Peter’s dark past must be dark indeed, because when he would rather let them die at the Island’s hands than appear and refuses to warn them away from about the island's deadly nature.

 

Wendy cannot bear to follow Peter’s orders to remain hidden, knowing that would spell the death of while innocent(s) die people. She could not save her parents; perhaps this is a chance to redeem herself. Jeopardizing her newfound acceptance, she warns the colonists to find another land for repairs. The backlash from Peter, his boys, and even her own brothers is so strong that, devastated, she leaves with the ship, devestated and convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy is a sensation, Why? Because she's the lone survivor of the pirate attack on her ship? and her overbearing grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s heart belongs to a boy with wind in his hair and stars in his eyes, and her old life is an empty, restrictive shell, with time ticking by like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest, CAPTAIN BRADSHAWE, boasting of his naval commission to discover and claim the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants. Is there some way you might abbreviate this paragraph?

 

She stows away aboard Bradshawe’s massive man-of-war, but is quickly discovered. Wendy convinces Bradshawe that she can be a go-between to the natives. Meanwhile, she makes the most of her time aboard ship, learning skills of seamanship and gunmanship that will help her turn on Bradshawe once they reach the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Wendy finds the island changed. Her absence was felt. Peter welcomes her back with a revelation of his past, and the admission that he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

It will take more than a few boys to stave off the eight hundred soldiers and sailors that are now anchored along Neverland’s coast, ready to demolish the island in their search of the Fountain. Desperate to defend her brothers, her island family and the precious creatures she has come to love, Wendy must unite Tigerlily, her tribe, and even Ridler’s pirates in order to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the navy of the world’s greatest superpower, Great Britain. Good buildup.

 

And they are running out of Time. As far as I understand it, a synopsis isn't supposed to be a tease. It has to tell the whole story. You have ended yours without its resolution, and thus your synopsis is incomplete.

 

I look forward to seeing another shorter version of this synopsis which includes the dramatic ending.

 

[added later]

 

I noticed the post with your added ending, which I suppose you intend to replace the final two paragraphs in your synopsis. You do cram a lot into that ending, but despite that, I had no difficulty following it. I think it worked well.



#6 bigblackcat97

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Posted 14 July 2017 - 06:36 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy. Her life has been an endless march of days and weeks, months and years until she can escape her oppressive father--only to find herself, most likely, under the equally heavy thumb of a husband. I'm not sure if that makes time so much her enemy as society in general.

 

Eighteenth-century has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat. At night, she escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her brothers. By day, she prepares for her debut, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

Then Wendy’s family flees London in financial disgrace, and their ship You might want to clarify that they are fleeing to the New World. They could be leaving London for the countryside, not necessarily switching continents altogether. is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER. Wendy discovers an unexpected use for her hitherto unpopular wits: keeping her family intact--and alive. How exactly are her wits useful in this situation? This guy is suddenly trusting her with instructions - why? Ridler maroons them on an exotic island with peculiar instructions: wait three nights ashore then summon him from his ship with a gunshot.

 

Time, once again, is not in her favor.

 

Two nights pass. Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity help her family survive Again, how? Also, how is this changing how she is perceived in the eyes of her Father? as a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief and his daughter TIGERLILY caution the Edavenes not to stay the third night--to fire the gun and summon the pirates before the sun sets. But Wendy’s parents fear disobeying Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored to shelter the mythical Fountain of Youth, but adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler can now ransack the island in search of the Fountain, as long as he lives aboard ship. Technically he could have done that before anyway, right? Just make sure he left every third night? Also, why does he have her summon him at all? He can count. He knows when he left them. He knows when to come back.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, remove one of his hands in a scuffle, and bring the Edavene children back to their lair. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret. Not the fountain?

 

Free of her father’s restrictions, Wendy embraces new life okay, but how does she feel about the fact that her mom is dead? and Peter shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, but the island has a magical ability to keep children young while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the creatures who make the island their refuge. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

Just when Wendy thinks she has found a home where she can be truly free, a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. She learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed, because he would rather let them die at the Island’s hands than appear and warn them away. Why does he have to appear? Why can't she? Also - the brothers so far are just getting casual mentions. I don't even know how old they are or how she feels about them. Does she love them? Are they an encumbrance? 

 

Wendy cannot bear to follow Peter’s orders to remain hidden, knowing that would spell the death of innocent people. Jeopardizing her newfound acceptance by the island? By the Lost Boys? , she warns the colonists to find another land for repairs. The backlash from Peter, his boys, and even her own brothers is so strong that, devastated, she departs with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all. They would have to be brusque indeed, to send her back into the life that she was dying to escape in the first place.

 

Back in England, Wendy’s grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s heart belongs to a boy with wind in his hair and stars in his eyes, and her old life is an empty shell, with time ticking like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest, CAPTAIN BRADSHAWE, boasting of his naval commission to discover the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

Discovered stowing away on Bradshawe’s man-of-war, Wendy convinces him that she can be a go-between to the natives. Meanwhile, she makes the most of her time, learning seamanship and gunmanship that will help her turn on Bradshawe once they reach the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Wendy finds the island changed. Peter welcomes her back with a revelation of his past: he and his boys once instigated a notorious mutiny and are wanted at the gallows in England. Now, however, he realizes that he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles. Okay, but here's the thing -- Peter must have been pretty nasty to her to make her return to London. For her to be dedicated to still helping him and her heart still being "lost" to him doesn't sound like a terribly healthy relationship. Which, yeah, that's completely true to the story. Peter's a selfish asshole. However, it could be a stumbling block for agents and editors. Just throwing it out there, unrelated to the writing of the synop. It might be smarter to accentuate her loyalty / love for her brothers or affection for the lifestyle of the island rather than Peter himself.

 

They are running out of time.

 

Wendy unites the boys, Tigerlily’s tribe, and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier, fighting breaks out and Captain Bradshawe unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving Bradshawe defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, Bradshawe and his ship flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.

 

Overall the synop is quite good, just keep in mind that the brothers aren't even named here. I would think that any relationship she has with them would play into her desire to return, or even protect them in the first place. She obviously wasn't close to her father (what's the word on mom?) so maybe consider giving the boys more room to run in the synop.


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#7 secondstar87

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Posted 15 July 2017 - 08:02 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy, an endless march of days and weeks, months and years under her father’s oppressive thumb. She longs for a purpose beyond marriage and childrearing, but eighteenth-century London has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat and his timid, weak-willed wife.

 

At night, Wendy escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her two younger brothers, whom she adores: six-year-old MICHAEL and eleven-year-old JOHN, who dreams of becoming a physician. By day, she guards them from her father’s temper, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

When financial disgrace sends Wendy’s family fleeing for the North American colonies, their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER. Wendy discovers a purpose for her hitherto unpopular wits, as she convinces Ridler that her family is worth a substantial ransom if he keeps them alive. But rather than returning to England, he maroons them on an exotic island with only a few days’ supplies, while his ship lays anchor along the beach.

 

Time, once again, is not in Wendy’s favor.

 

Two nights pass. Even Father is forced to bow to Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity as her family depends on her to survive, from finding shelter and fresh water to lulling her brothers to sleep with her stories. Meanwhile, a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief advises the Edavenes to do everything in their power to return to the pirate ship. But Wendy’s parents fear Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes on the third morning, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored to shelter the legendary Fountain of Youth. According to myth, adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler will now ransack the island in search of the Fountain.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, slicing off one of his hands in a scuffle. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, but the island has a magical ability to keep children young while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the creatures who make the island their refuge. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

Days pass, the magic of the Island dulling the void left by their parents’ death. Michael quickly forgets his old life, and John thrives under the tutelage of a native medicine woman; it seems her brothers no longer need her. Still grieving her mother, Wendy tries to embrace her new life, until a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. Then she learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed for he commands his band to stay hidden, keeping their presence a secret.

 

Knowing that silence would spell the death of innocent people, Wendy jeopardizes her newfound acceptance among the boys to warn the colonists. Peter is furious, though he won’t tell her why. When her own brothers side with Peter, Wendy is devastated and departs with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy’s grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s old life feels like a hollow, purposeless shell, with time ticking like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest boasting of his naval commission to discover the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

Wendy stows away on the man-of-war, only to be discovered mid-voyage. She convinces the captain that she can be a go-between with the natives, then makes the most of her time, learning seamanship and gunmanship that will help her defend the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Peter’s welcome shocks Wendy, especially when he admits his own cowardice and reveals his past: he and his boys once instigated a notorious mutiny and are wanted at the gallows in England. Now, however, he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

They are running out of time, but finally, Wendy has found her purpose: protect Neverland.  

 

Wendy unites the boys, the natives and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier, fighting breaks out and the ship unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving it defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, the British soldiers flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

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#8 kacimari

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Posted 16 July 2017 - 02:59 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy, an endless march of days and weeks, months and years under her father’s oppressive thumb. She longs for a purpose beyond marriage and childrearing, but eighteenth-century London has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat and his timid, weak-willed wife.

 

At night, Wendy escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her two younger brothers, whom she adores: six-year-old MICHAEL and eleven-year-old JOHN, who dreams of becoming a physician. By day, she guards them from her father’s temper, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

When financial disgrace sends Wendy’s family fleeing for the North American colonies, their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER. Wendy discovers a purpose for her hitherto unpopular wits, as she convinces Ridler that her family is worth a substantial ransom if he keeps them alive. But rather than returning to England, he maroons them on an exotic island with only a few days’ supplies, while his ship lays anchor along the beach.

 

Time, once again, is not in Wendy’s favor.

 

Two nights pass. Even Father is forced to bow to Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity as her family depends on her to survive, from finding shelter and fresh water to lulling her brothers to sleep with her stories. Meanwhile, a list of “impossibilities” grows, I don't like "impossibilities" because it's unclear. Maybe just say what you mean, there are natives, they speak English, etc. including the natives who inexplicably speak English. The chief advises the Edavenes to do everything in their power to return to the pirate ship. But Wendy’s parents fear Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes on the third morning, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored to shelter the legendary Fountain of Youth. According to myth, adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler will now ransack the island in search of the Fountain.

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, So now that Ridler has what he wants, what does he plan to do with Wendy and her brothers? It's not clear why the boys come to rescue Wendy and bros. a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, slicing off one of his hands in a scuffle. Their leader? PETER. Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history. There is no Fountain of Youth, but the island has a magical ability to keep children young while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the creatures who make the island their refuge. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

Days pass, the magic of the Island dulling the void left by their parents’ death. Michael quickly forgets his old life, and John thrives under the tutelage of a native medicine woman; it seems her brothers no longer need her. Still grieving her mother, Wendy tries to embrace her new life, until a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. Then she learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed for he commands his band to stay hidden, keeping their presence a secret.

 

Knowing that silence would spell the death of innocent people, Wendy jeopardizes her newfound acceptance among the boys to warn the colonists. Peter is furious, though he won’t tell her why. When her own brothers side with Peter, Wendy is devastated and departs with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy’s grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s old life feels like a hollow, purposeless shell, with time ticking like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest boasting of his naval commission to discover the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants. This gives me whiplash since she ran from the island before because of what they did to visitors. It seems her loyalties are torn, but it's not coming through. Before she was worried about visitors to the island, now she's worried about those on the island.

 

Wendy stows away on the man-of-war, only to be discovered mid-voyage. She convinces the captain that she can be a go-between with the natives, then makes the most of her time, learning seamanship and gunmanship that will help her defend the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Peter’s welcome shocks Wendy, especially when he admits his own cowardice and reveals his past: he and his boys once instigated a notorious mutiny and are wanted at the gallows in England. Now, however, he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles. I'd like a sense earlier that it's fear that makes Peter and his boys hide from the ships. She must have suspicions.

 

They are running out of time, but finally, Wendy has found her purpose: protect Neverland.  But what does this cost her since she's not okay with all the death the island brings to adults?

 

Wendy unites the boys, the natives and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier, fighting breaks out and the ship unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving it defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, the British soldiers flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.

I think this version of the synopsis is fantastic! Your voice is amazing and really comes through. My comments are mostly nitpicky things. Best of luck!


Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.

#9 bkarperien

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Posted 16 July 2017 - 10:32 PM

From impoverished debutante to guardian of a mystical island, WENDY EDAVENE’s life is about to become a fairytale.

 

Time has always been Wendy’s enemy, an endless march of days and weeks, months and years under her father’s oppressive thumb. She longs for a purpose beyond marriage and childrearing, but eighteenth-century London has little to offer the sixteen-year-old daughter of a bankrupt would-be aristocrat and his timid, weak-willed wife.

 

At night, Wendy escapes into the fairy tales she weaves for her two younger brothers, whom she adores: (I got this from the context) six-year-old MICHAEL and eleven-year-old JOHN, who dreams of becoming a physician. By day, she guards them from her father’s temper, keeping her sharp mind and even sharper tongue locked under a fragile veneer of docility.

 

When financial disgrace sends Wendy’s family fleeing for the North American colonies, their ship is accosted by pirate captain JAMES RIDLER. Wendy discovers a purpose for her hitherto unpopular wits, as she convinces Ridler that her family is worth a substantial ransom if he keeps them alive. But rather than returning to England, he maroons them on an exotic island with only a few days’ supplies, while his ship lays anchor along the beach. (Wait, what happens to the rest of the crew?)

 

Time, once again, is not in Wendy’s favor.

 

Two nights pass. Even Father is forced to bow to Wendy’s intelligence and ingenuity as her family depends on her to survive, from finding shelter and fresh water to lulling her brothers to sleep with her stories. Meanwhile, a list of “impossibilities” grows, including the natives who inexplicably speak English. (This sentence didn't quite flow.) The chief advises the Edavenes to do everything in their power to return to the pirate ship. But Wendy’s parents fear Ridler, and they dismiss Wendy’s pleas to take the natives’ warning.

 

When Wendy awakes on the third morning, her parents are dead and Ridler arrives to reveal that her family was an experiment: this island is rumored to shelter the legendary Fountain of Youth. According to myth, adults cannot survive ashore. His suspicions confirmed, Ridler will now ransack the island in search of the Fountain. (Ack! No! Poor Wendy! Great twist!)

 

Before he can force Wendy and her brothers back to his ship, a group of boys--with the accents of London street urchins--ambush Ridler, slicing off one of his hands in a scuffle. Their leader? PETER. (Would like a little description of Peter here)

Thus begins a timeless, unending rivalry between a one-handed pirate and a boy whose past is the island’s most closely guarded secret.

 

Peter eagerly shares his home--fairies, mermaids and all--if not his history (with who?) There is no Fountain of Youth, but the island has a magical ability to keep children young while eliminating adults, whose disbelief would be fatal to the creatures who make the island their refuge. Discovery and exploitation would mean the death of every last mythical and magical creature in existence.

 

Days pass, the magic of the Island dulling the void left by their parents’ death. Michael quickly forgets his old life, and John thrives under the tutelage of a native medicine woman; it seems her brothers no longer need her. Still grieving her mother, Wendy tries to embrace her new life, until a ship of colonists makes camp on the island for repairs. Then she learns that Peter’s past must be dark indeed for he commands his band to stay hidden, keeping their presence a secret.

 

Knowing that silence would spell the death of innocent people, Wendy jeopardizes her newfound acceptance among the boys to warn the colonists. Peter is furious, though he won’t tell her why. When her own brothers side with Peter, Wendy is devastated and departs with the ship, convinced that she belongs nowhere after all.

 

Back in England, Wendy’s grandmother whisks her through dances and matchmaking. But Wendy’s old life feels like a hollow, purposeless shell, with time ticking like the hammer of nails into a coffin. When she overhears a dinner guest boasting of his naval commission to discover the Fountain of Youth, Wendy panics, knowing that the arrival of the British Navy will mean devastation for the island and its inhabitants.

 

Wendy stows away on the man-of-war, only to be discovered mid-voyage. She convinces the captain that she can be a go-between with the natives, then makes the most of her time, learning seamanship and gunmanship that will help her defend the island, which England has dubbed Neverland.

 

Peter’s welcome shocks Wendy, especially when he admits his own cowardice and reveals his past: he and his boys once instigated a notorious mutiny and are wanted at the gallows in England. Now, however, he can no longer jeopardize the island’s safety by hiding in its jungles.

 

They are running out of time, but finally, Wendy has found her purpose: protect Neverland.  

 

Wendy unites the boys, the natives and even the pirates to outwit, outgun and outmaneuver the man-of-war. A little bit of fairy dust mixed with water makes a convincing fake for Fountain of Youth water, but when it results in a dead soldier (This was a bit wordy), fighting breaks out and the ship unleashes cannonfire on the island. However, thanks to one of Peter’s boys, a former powder monkey, the ship’s powder stores explode, leaving it defenseless against the pirates’ onslaught. Defeated, the British soldiers flee for England.

 

They are victorious, but Wendy knows it is only a matter of time before they are besieged again.  Side-by-side with Peter Pan, she swears to stand forever as a Guardian of Neverland.

This synopsis is looking pretty good, it was actually fun to read (which is pretty hard to find in a synopsis). Your twists were clever and unpredictable, and I really got hooked into the story. I did feel that I lost the strong sense of Wendy's character and motivations that I had in the beginning of the synopsis, around halfway through. Other than that and a few details, this is great! I love how you retell the story in a totally different light. Two thumbs up! :)


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Or, if you're really awesome, check out my synopsis.

 





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