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Beyond The Horizon (YA Fantasy)


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#1 Kjcloutier19

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 10:43 PM

Newest version is in #11. Thank you so much!! 

 

Hey all! I can't seem to stop myself from editing my query between every round of emails, so here is yet another version that I would like critiques for. One day this will end...one day. Thanks in advance! 

 

 

Outsiders would kill her, she was told. Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down. Because Emery Aalokin should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the passed century, should not exist.

 

Emery can manipulate the elements, and after the Elemental War that nearly tore the realm apart, anyone with these gifts is sentenced to death. Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her home island is the only safe haven for elemists to live, because no one knows it’s there. Until the day a human lands on its shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery’s own brother, Liam, to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, Emery is whisked along with him into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. 

 

On the way to Tavor’s homeland, Emery and Liam face storms, sea monsters, and a whole society that wishes them dead. When Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas, she’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where she learns her people may have been fooled, the stories she was told weren’t just stories, and that her little island might soon be destroyed. Emery must decide whom to trust – the outsider offering her people peace or the rogue who’s shown her the truth – for neither may be what they seem. If she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. 

 



#2 lyncfs

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Posted 09 July 2017 - 07:23 AM

 

Hey all! I can't seem to stop myself from editing my query between every round of emails, so here is yet another version that I would like critiques for. One day this will end...one day. Thanks in advance! 

 

 

Outsiders would kill her, she was told. Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down. ​(The first two sentences are a little redundant) Because Emery Aalokin should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the passed  ​past century, should not exist. ​This is a great hook but I think it's a bit wordy and uses some passive language "was".  I also think you should start the sentence with your protagonist as people will think Outsiders are the star of the book. Suggestion: All her life, Emery has been told the Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down if they ever discovered her existence. Then you can move all the other stuff about the island and people to the second paragraph. 

 

Emery can manipulate the elements, and after the Elemental War that nearly tore the realm apart, anyone with these gifts is sentenced to death. ​(very interesting!)Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her home island is the only safe haven for elemists ​(my first thought, was this spelled correctly? I guess I was expecting elementalists but I'm glad you italicized to indicate is a made up word) to live, because no one knows it’s there.​ ( ​This last part is a bit weak. Break it into sentences and add a little description maybe about what makes it unique)Until the day a human lands on its shores. ​(Makes we wonder if he got shipwrecked or found it by accident, give a little more detail)

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery’s own brother, Liam, to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, Emery is whisked along with him into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. ​(This sentence is too long. Try to keep to 20 words or less)

 

On the way to Tavor’s homeland, Emery and Liam face storms, sea monsters, and a whole society ​(vague) that wishes them dead.​ (This sentence doesn't do much for me. Could cut. Next sentence is way more intriguing) When Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas, she’s dragged to the darker side of the realm​. where ​ She learns her people may have been fooled, the stories she was told weren’t just stories ​(passive - and redundant. "The stories were false", and that her little island might soon be destroyed. Emery must decide whom to trust: the outsider offering her people peace or the rogue who’s shown her the truth, for neither may be what they seem. ​(consider placing commas here instead of the weird dashes. Offering is passive) If she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. ​(Wow! Great stakes. You can condense these two sentences. Maybe with two If statements...if she chooses the outsider...consequenes...if she chooses the rogue...

 

​Add TITLE + word count + genre. Add any comparables

 

​Add biography

 

 

 

Wow! Your query, as it stands, would get me to read your book. It reminds me of the Disney movie "Atlantis" (don't take that the wrong way). I think you have the format down you just need to tighten up the language. Wish you the best of luck and I hope you recover from your surgery quickly.

 

Thanks for all your comments on my query, they were helpful.


THE IMMORTAL GUARD. Link to my query. Please critique, if I have reviewed yours.

#3 bkarperien

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Posted 09 July 2017 - 09:37 AM

 

Hey all! I can't seem to stop myself from editing my query between every round of emails, so here is yet another version that I would like critiques for. One day this will end...one day. Thanks in advance! 

 

 

Emery Aolokin had always been warned that outsiders would kill her. (Prefer to start right off with your protagonist, or it feels vague) Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down. Because Emery Aalokin should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the past century should not exist. (Intriguing, I like it. But I think you should integrate this and the next paragraph to make it flow smoother.)

 

Emery can manipulate the elements, and after the Elemental War that nearly tore the realm apart, anyone with these gifts is sentenced to death. Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her home island is the only safe haven for elemists to live, because no one knows it’s there. Until the day a human lands on its shores.

But instead of bringing death as they expected, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery’s own brother, Liam, to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, Emery is whisked along with him into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. 

 

On the way to Tavor’s homeland, Emery and Liam face storms, sea monsters, and a whole society that wishes them dead.  (This feels a little vague and not so crucial to the central conflict)

When Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas, she’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where she learns her people may have been fooled, the stories she was told weren’t just stories, and that her little island might soon be destroyed. Emery must decide whom to trust – the outsider offering her people peace, or the rogue who’s shown her the truth – for neither may be what they seem. If she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. (Fell a little bit flat for me. It's clear the the stakes are high, but how can you spice it up? How can you make this choice more personal? Has she begun to develop feelings for the outsider or the rogue? What about her brother, is he influencing her? At the moment, it seems a little arbitrary regarding who she's going to choose and/or why. I don't want to know what her choice will be, but I want it to be a little more personal, a little harder to make.)

 

 

It's a pretty good query so far! I'm definitely interested in the story, and I would totally read this. It seems well plotted and the premise is intriguing. My main comment was to make the stakes more personal at the end. Good luck with revisions!

Thanks for your comments on my query! I followed your advice and put up a quick hook poll if you feel like taking a look.


Check out my query :)

Or, if you're really awesome, check out my synopsis.

 


#4 veda_p

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Posted 09 July 2017 - 02:01 PM

 

Hey all! I can't seem to stop myself from editing my query between every round of emails, so here is yet another version that I would like critiques for. One day this will end...one day. Thanks in advance! 

 

 

Outsiders would kill her, she was told. (fantastic hook.) Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down, because Emery Aalokin should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the passed century, should not exist. Love this. Tight, impactful, sets the tone and the stakes. 

 

Emery can manipulate the elements, and after the Elemental War that nearly tore the realm apart, anyone with these gifts is sentenced to death. Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her home island is the only safe haven for elemists to live, because no one knows it’s there. Until the day a human lands on its shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. A bit confused as to why you keep italicizing elemists. It disrupts my flow when reading. Once is enough. When the elemental gods choose Emery’s own brother, Liam, to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, Emery is whisked along with him into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. Good. You have great command over language. 

 

On the way to Tavor’s homeland, Emery and Liam face storms, sea monsters, and a whole society that wishes them dead. When Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas, she’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where she learns her people may have been fooled, and that the stories she was told weren’t just stories. Perhaps she should have listened to the elders after all.  and that her little island might soon be destroyed. (The elders part is optional and might not be accurate to your story, but i do feel like you're revealing too much here with the island destruction bit. Save it for the synposis and keep the mystery.) Emery must decide whom to trust – the outsider offering her people peace or the rogue who’s shown her the truth – for neither may be what they seem. If she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. 

 

 

This makes my heart pound. Love it. You're an excellent writer and it shows clearly in your structure and style. My comments are minor, because this query works. Best of luck. :) 


My query. If I have critiqued yours, I would appreciate a glance at mine! :) 


#5 icruz

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Posted 09 July 2017 - 06:34 PM

Hey all! I can't seem to stop myself from editing my query between every round of emails, so here is yet another version that I would like critiques for. One day this will end...one day. Thanks in advance! 

 

 

Outsiders would kill her, she was told. Outsiders would hang her up or shoot her down. Because Emery Aalokin should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the passed century, should not exist. (Cool! I like the hook. I think it might be more intriguing if you move her unique ability up to this paragraph. Something like..."Because Emery Aalokin should not exist. Her tiny island and hidden people living there should not exist. And neither should anyone who can manipulate the elements. Like Emery."

 

Emery can manipulate the elements, and after the Elemental War that nearly tore the realm apart, anyone with these gifts is sentenced to death. (Who sentences them to death?  Rulers on the island? Clarify if everyone on island can manipulate elements or not.) Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her home island is the only safe haven for elemists to live, because no one knows it’s there. Until the day a human lands on its shores. (Was this by accident or deliberate?)

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery’s own brother, Liam, to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, Emery is whisked along with him into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. 

 

On the way to Tavor’s homeland, Emery and Liam face storms, sea monsters, and a whole society that wishes them dead. (Nice strong action summary)When Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas, she’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where she learns her people may have been fooled, the stories she was told weren’t just stories, and that her little island might soon be destroyed. Emery must decide whom to trust – the outsider offering her people peace or the rogue who’s shown her the truth – for neither may be what they seem. If she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. (This section could be a bit clearer about why  her island might be destroyed, and if it is, how will it affect her emotionally and personally. How will it change her perception of the only world she's known?)

 

 

Overall, I think your story sounds fantastic! I'd definitely read it. It kind of reminds me of the Wonder Woman plot. Great job and hope that helps.

 

 


I'd love your feedback on my query!


#6 Kjcloutier19

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Posted 20 July 2017 - 11:30 PM

Thank you everyone who critiqued the first draft of my query! I very much appreciate all the feedback. Here is the newest version.
 



All her life, Emery has been told outsiders would kill her. Because Emery can manipulate the elements, and anyone born with these abilities is sentenced to death.

 

Which means, Emery should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the past century, should not exist. Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. Until the day a human purposely lands on its shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her.

 

Then, Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas. She’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where Sean shows her that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril.  To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem. Choosing Sean would mean betraying the hopes of everyone on her island, but choosing Tavor would mean betraying her very heart. And if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. 



#7 EMarie

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 09:11 AM


All her life, Emery has been told outsiders would kill her. Because Emery can manipulate the elements, and anyone born with these abilities is sentenced to death. (It isn't quite clear to me why anyone born with the ability to manipulate elements is sentenced to death. Also, why would the outsiders try to kill Emery? What is their motive for wanting to kill someone who can manipulate elements?)

 

Which means, Emery should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the past century, should not exist. (Again I'm not completely certain why Emery should not exist--maybe try to rephrase this to express a similar idea, or stress the threat of the outsiders trying to kill her.) Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. Until the day a human purposely lands on its shores. (I think this is stronger--it explains what Emory is (an elemist who can manipulate elements) and that she has to stay on her island or be killed--and that the outsiders who would want to kill her are human. Maybe this information would be better in your opening paragraph. I think I would try to combine and condense these two paragraphs into an opening paragraph.)

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. (I like the introduction of Tavor and his role. Maybe rephrase--'Instead of bringing death, the outsider Tavor seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists.' Rewrite to eliminate 'this' which is a vague pronoun. Also, maybe give Tavor's motive. Why does he want to bring peace?) When the elemental gods choose Emery to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. (This seems a bit vague--what is the vast and dangerous world? Also, maybe leave out the elemental gods? Or introduce them earlier? It almost seemed like too many characters and too much going on in the query--the humans, the elemists, and now the gods.)

 

Then, Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas. She’s dragged to the darker side of the realm, where Sean shows her that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril.  To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem. Choosing Sean would mean betraying the hopes of everyone on her island, but choosing Tavor would mean betraying her very heart. And if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. (I liked this conclusion, especially the part about introducing a rogue elimist, Sean, who sounds like an interesting character. But the part about Emery deciding who to trust raised some questions. Why would choosing Tavor mean betraying her heart? Is she in love with Sean too? With either of these characters? I think what is at stake for Emery needs to be clarified a little.)

 

Overall, I really like your concept. It reminds me a little of Le Guin and Earthsea--and the characters and the world sound interesting. My advice is to work on the query to be more clear about the plot and stakes of the story.

 

If you care to take a look at my query, it's in the link below.

 

Best!



#8 BCVail

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 10:53 AM

 

Thank you everyone who critiqued the first draft of my query! I very much appreciate all the feedback. Here is the newest version.
 



All her life, Emery has been told outsiders would kill her. (I'd keep this first line as your hook, and move the next sentence down tiny the next paragraph.) Because Emery can manipulate the elements, and anyone born with these abilities is sentenced to death.

 

Which means, Emery should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the past century, should not exist. (This is all pretty vague in that we don't know why those with elemental magic should not exist. What does it mean according to society?  where is the danger? Who is opposed to this?)Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. Until the day a human purposely lands on its shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists.. When the elemental gods choose Emery to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her. (I like this bit)

 

Then, Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas (Is he wreaking havoc on the humans or other elemists?). She’s dragged to the darker side of the realm (not sure what this is), where Sean shows her that her people may have been fooled (fooled by Tavor?), and that her little island might be in peril.  To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem. Choosing Sean would mean betraying the hopes of everyone on her island, but choosing Tavor would mean betraying her very heart. And if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. (I think everything from To save them thru the rest of the paragraph can be condensed into 1, maybe 2 sentences, more concise at you are laying out your protagonists choice and the stakes.)

 

Intersting concepts, but I think you need to focus on clarity, eliminating what's vague and make sure the reedier understands the plot and character motivations.

 

 

 

If you have a moment, I'd appreciate another set of eyes on my query. You can find the link here. Thank you.



#9 kjasjg

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Posted 22 July 2017 - 04:22 PM

 

Thank you everyone who critiqued the first draft of my query! I very much appreciate all the feedback. Here is the newest version.
 



All her life, Emery has been told outsiders would kill her. Because Emery can manipulate the elements, and anyone born with these abilities is sentenced to death. (I like this as an opening though it could be combined with the first half of the next sentence: "...would kill her for being able to manipulate..." then drop the Anyone born into the next paragraph combining with the first line like: "...sentenced to death, which means..."

 

Which means, Emery should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. ( I would tend to combine these two sentences as well otherwise it reads like a list ) And the people who have hidden there for the past century, should not exist. Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. Until the day a human purposely lands on its shores. (you start each of the last three sentences with a conjunction you may want to mix that up a smidgen)

 

Instead of bringing death, this outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her.

 

Then, ("Then" is a little vague. did she get kidnapped during her journey "Before she even made it to the new world Emery is..." or did she arrive safely and then get kidnapped "Soon after arriving...") Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas. She’s dragged to the (the query does not hint at a lighter or darker side to the realm so maybe adjust it slightly to say it was a dark part or something) darker side of the realm, where Sean shows her that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril.  To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem. Choosing Sean would mean betraying the hopes of everyone on her island, but choosing Tavor would mean betraying her very heart. (the last sentence can be eliminated and not lose the meaning of the Query we will find out what choosing each man would do in the novel and we are given the choice in the statement starting with to save them...) And if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. 

 

 

I really like the premise of the story and the query seems close to me but i'm not an expert. 

 

good luck and feel free to critique mine link below

Jer



#10 Vio Liddell

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Posted 29 July 2017 - 01:39 PM

Hi! Returning the favor.

 

 

Thank you everyone who critiqued the first draft of my query! I very much appreciate all the feedback. Here is the newest version.
 



All her life, Emery has been told outsiders would kill her. Because Emery can manipulate the elements, and anyone born with these abilities is sentenced to death. You should keep the bit about the Elemental War, so the reader is not confused as to why elemists are sentenced to death.

 

Which means, Emery should not exist. The tiny island she lives on should not exist. And the people who have hidden there for the past century, should not exist. Grabbing! Though Emery yearns to see the outside world, her island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. Until the day a human purposely lands on its shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, the outsider Tavor seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When the elemental gods choose Emery to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor (are the elemental gods ruling the island? I'm a bit confused about their role here), she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her.

 

Soon Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas. She’s dragged to the darker side of the realm (which realm? Not the island I guess? I'm also a bit confused about the border between the realm of the elemists and that of the humans), where Sean shows her that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril. To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust: (colon) the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. Great stakes. But neither may be what they seem. I would end with this. I think it's punchy enough and the next sentences feel redundant. Choosing Sean would mean betraying the hopes of everyone on her island, but choosing Tavor would mean betraying her very heart. And if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known.

 

 

You have a very effective query here! I'm immediately hooked when reading this. I think you're very close. Maybe you should be querying already  :wink:

 

Best of luck.



#11 Kjcloutier19

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Posted 07 September 2017 - 01:18 AM

Hey guys - thank you all so much for your help! I have a new version ready for critiques but I also have 2 questions:
 
1) When you have a made up word in your story, do you capitalize it, italicize it, something else, nothing at all, etc. I've been getting mixed answers about this. For a long time I was told to italicize but I've had people comment that it throws them off in my query, so now I'm not sure? 
 
2) Is it okay to compare your novel to T.V. shows/movies instead of other books? This is another question I see a lot of different answers for. I've seen actual queries that have worked comparing themselves to movies, but I've read not to do this. I've even seen a query comparing itself to Black Lives Matter, which isn't a medium at all (unless there's something out there that I totally missed) TIA!
 
 
 

Dear Mr. Agent,

 

All her life, Emery has been told outsiders will kill her. After the Elemental War that nearly destroyed the realm, the king declared anyone born with the ability to manipulate the elements sentenced to death – like Emery.

 

Though she yearns to see the outside world, Emery’s home-island is the only safe haven for elemists to live. According to the outside world, it does not exist, and neither do the people who have hidden there for the past century. Until the day a human lands on the island’s shores.

 

Instead of bringing death, the outsider, Tavor, seeks to bring peace between humans and elemists. When Emery is chosen to act as a peace-ambassador to aid Tavor, she is whisked away into the vast and dangerous world that’s always tempted her.

 

Before she makes it to Tavor’s homeland, Emery is kidnapped by a rogue elemist, Sean, who uses his abilities to wreak havoc across the seas. While trapped aboard his ship and plotting her escape, she learns that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril. To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem, and if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. 

 

In a world where AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER and PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN collide, BEYOND THE HORIZON is a YA Fantasy novel completed at 110,000 words, and is the first in planned series. 



#12 hgsylvan

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 12:36 PM

Hi there - I am new to the query letter world, so take my insight with a grain of salt.  
 
I would watch for the repeated use of the word "Outside" "Outsider" etc....- especially in the second paragraph where "Outside world" is repeated twice in back to back sentences.
 
While trapped aboard his ship and plotting her escape, she learns that her people may have been fooled, and that her little island might be in peril. I would question the use of "might" it seems to weaken the stakes, especially because the next sentence Emery is making a decision on how to save them - so in fact the island is in trouble? 
 
 "To save them, Emery must decide whom to trust; the first person in a century to offer her people peace, or the man whose destruction across the seas is part of the reason why her people are still hunted. But neither may be what they seem, and if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known. " I was a little confused by her second option - I am assuming you are talking about Sean- but why would she consider trusting him, if he kidnaps her and is known for destruction? I think you are getting at that both Sean and Tavor are not what they appear- but it is a little wordy and hard to decipher...I would clean up the phrase "But neither may (who?) what they seem....
 
 
I do like the stakes stated at the end " if she chooses wrong, it will mean the lives of her friends, her family, and the only home she’s ever known."
 
Good luck.





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