Abandoned by his mother at Amesbury Convent, young Galahad rebels against
the Abbess’ claim[the nuns' belief that he a saint, worthy of seeking the Holy Grail. [Describe what it is] The holy chalice of Christ [if not, what is it?] he must seek the Holy Grail, a task inherited through his father's line . Though the Grailwould restore God’s favor and deliver the[which, whose?] kingdom from [brutal, bad,] Saxon invaders. [But instead of performing miracles as expected] Galahad questions the Abbess’ conviction he is a saint worthy of a divine calling. Instead of performing miracles, Galahaddreams of fighting beside his illustrious father as a soldier of the king. In[an escape from his] defiance he evades[what kind of lessons?] lessons and [endless, boring] prayers[, Galahad] and runs off into the woods thunting deer[goes deer hunting] with his high-spirited friend from a neighboring villa.
a Saxon attack results in his friend’s death[Saxons kill his friend], Galahad surrenders his will to God and prays for a vision of the Grail to lead him on his quest. Instead he receives [[passive. try to rephrase the sentence with active verbs].a visit from Gwyn, a prince of the Lordly Ones, [an] ancient being s [demon? something more specific maybe?] who demand[s] worship and human sacrifice.
[I think you need to develop your third paragraph from this]. When Gwyn hints he is none other than Galahad's true father, casting doubt on his identity as the Grail-seeker, Galahad sets out to confirm his nature and destiny. [Stakes? What happens if he doesn't?]
Streams in the Wasteland takes place in a historic Roman British world infused with Arthurian fantasy elements. The novel, complete at 79,000 words, will appeal to fans of Nancy Springer’s I am Mordred and Elizabeth Wein’s The Winter Prince.
I am liking it. I think a little more detail in the third paragraph will help. Otherwise it is a little short and it needs some more specificity.
Thank you for your great help on mine. I took a lot of your suggestions in the newest version.