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Behind the story (epic fantasy distilled)

fantasy short story narration

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#1 Sreid

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Posted 15 July 2017 - 01:25 PM

Tell me if this interests you in any way.

Ahem.

If any of you brave souls long for another chance to prove your worth, draw nigh and bend an ear as I recount a tale like no other from the one who saw it all. At its conclusion, if you still consider yourselves worthy, I will weigh your value.

No. You must listen to the story first.

You see, it all started at the very beginning, or perhaps a little earlier, before Time, before any Colours dazzled in the light of day, even before the foundations of the world of the living were laid. That’s when-

I said you have to listen to the story. If you keep interrupting I’ll stop right here and you won’t get a second chance.

Now, in the awesome nothingness before the world, there existed but a fragrance. That almighty perfume knew no bounds as it wafted through the first notes in its majestic Song of Creation. Don’t ask me how a smell can sing. It just can. The magical music brought forth the Colours, one glorious hue after the other, until they filled the firmament with their dazzling brilliance. To each was assigned a part in the mighty melody, and for eons its harmonies echoed through every corner of all that was, diminuendo and crescendo, each new stanza more powerful and majestic than the-

You there. Yes you, the one who seems to think he can tell my story better than I! Do you see that swirling black pit over there?

Good. Then you know of the punishment down there that’s reserved for the nastiest, black-hearted sort.



#2 jaustail

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 08:51 AM

The second person pov was interesting.

 

Here:

No. You must listen to the story first.

 

Maybe replace 'No' with 'But' and make it 'But you must...'

 

I'm not sure what to say. Maybe if there was more to read, I could understand story better.



#3 AB Thompson

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 08:04 AM

I adore the second person that kept angering the main narrator.

 

Swell job!



#4 Michi MacMichael

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Posted 10 August 2017 - 02:15 PM

Why am I reminded of the intro to Disney's Aladdin?  I can't tell if he has already begun the story, or is still in the process of setting it up.  You've set up good.  You've set up bad.  "Quiet on the set ... action!"  If he keeps rambling on, though, I'm likely to lose interest.







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