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Walking with Strangers - UPDATED AGAIN

Fiction Adventure Fantasy Young Adult

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#1 illusionofscript

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 09:25 AM

Another edit. Hopefully this shows the stakes!

Dear Potential Reader,


If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

In the rural countryside of Eastmarsh, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she finds Genesis—a group of five societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country—at the scene of the crime. But, instead of killing Lucy, they kidnap her.

As Lucy wakes up, she discovers that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, and she is determined to get to the bottom of it. To do that she must compromise her ethical compass and play the part of a criminal.

When the missions of thievery, assassinations, and tampering with evidence, become more difficult and more immoral, Lucy questions how long she can keep working for them. Without their complete trust, fleeing could mean being hunted down as a traitor. But if she stays to uncover the truth about the fires, she runs the risk of becoming morally corrupt, or worse, dead!

The closer she gets to the truth, the more she realizes that her initial impressions of Genesis could be wrong and that someone else is to blame for the fires.

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

#2 Keeppositive

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 09:38 AM

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer. 

 

Love that line. It intrigues me as does the premise of the story. I'm not sure why she'd want to "forgive" the strangers. They don't seem to have any likeable traits. I'm interested in the story though.



#3 ThatDan

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 01:01 PM

Hey everyone!

 

​This is my most recent novel. I have not sent it to agents yet, as I wanted honest, unbiased feedback first. Your thoughts are appreciated! Thanks!!

 

 

 

I am currently seeking representation for my adventure novel, Walking with Strangersthis part isnt really needed here. If you're submitting a query, it's obvious. Plus it's echoed at the end anyway. I cut it and jump straight to the hook.

 

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

a great hook. The stakes are high.

 

After visiting her father’s grave for the anniversary of his death, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire sweeps across her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she meets up with a group of wanted misfits, known as Genesis, who kidnap her.

 

 

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two choices: for some reason I feel "two options" fits better. "Two choices" implies she has to choose 'flee or start' then make another choice pertaining to something else. flee and meet the same fate as her family, or stay, and join the organization as a member in training. any insight into why they want her to join? Is she "special?" Lucy’s only thought is escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust. good stakes again.

 

Lucy soon discovers that her village isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted and things begin to change. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Everywhere Genesis goes, havoc and chaos follow. When the truth of that fateful night comes to light, will Lucy find the strength to forgive not only herself, but the strangers she’s lived alongside? as echoed above, why would she wasn't too forgive them if she plans to run? Has she grown close to them? Or will her hardened heart keep her at arm’s length?

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

 

Walking with Strangers is a [genre] complete at 90,000 words. It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

 

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

 

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages -only if they ask for it and look forward to hearing back from you.

 

overall, I love it and found it very engaging and clear. However, one big aspect seems to be left out: the setting. Without any indication otherwise, I'd assume it was set in modern times, but because of this Genesis gang's actions, the world seems quite lawless. So I'd like to know (and an agent would probably like to know too) where is it set? Post-apoc? Alternate reality? Ye olde times? Maybe it is modern day, but in a country/area struggling with law enforcement. Just a few words near the start could establish this and help the agent visualize the world.

 

hope this helps



#4 Springfield

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:00 PM

Hey everyone!

 

​This is my most recent novel. I have not sent it to agents yet, as I wanted honest, unbiased feedback first. Your thoughts are appreciated! Thanks!!

 

 

 

I am currently seeking representation for my adventure novel, Walking with Strangers. At the end.

 

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer. I hate hooks, but that's not bad.

 

After visiting her father’s grave for the anniversary of his death, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire sweeps across her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. I don't know why the grave thing is important, given the latter clause here. Racing down to search for survivors, she meets up with a group of wanted misfits, known as Genesis, who kidnap her.

 

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two choices: flee and meet the same fate as her family, Why, and how does she know that? or stay, and join the organization as a member in training. Lucy’s only thought is escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust. I need some kind of grounding here -- are we in the 17th century? The future? 

 

Lucy soon discovers that her village isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted and things begin to change. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Everywhere Genesis goes, havoc and chaos follow. When the truth of that fateful night comes to light, this is all too vague. will Lucy find the strength to forgive not only herself, but the strangers she’s lived alongside? Forgive them? Why? For what? Or will her hardened heart keep her at arm’s length?

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

 

Walking with Strangers runs about 90,000 words and is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

 

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

 

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

 

It's not bad for what's here but I think it needs grounding and some specificity and clarification.



#5 illusionofscript

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 05:19 PM

It's not bad for what's here but I think it needs grounding and some specificity and clarification.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

overall, I love it and found it very engaging and clear. However, one big aspect seems to be left out: the setting. Without any indication otherwise, I'd assume it was set in modern times, but because of this Genesis gang's actions, the world seems quite lawless. So I'd like to know (and an agent would probably like to know too) where is it set? Post-apoc? Alternate reality? Ye olde times? Maybe it is modern day, but in a country/area struggling with law enforcement. Just a few words near the start could establish this and help the agent visualize the world.

 

hope this helps

 

 

Hey, thank you both for your feedback. I did an edit with your suggestions and wanted to see if it was any better. Thanks!

 

Dear Potential Reader,

 

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

 

Set in an alternative reality, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire sweeps across her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she meets up with a group of wanted misfits, known as Genesis, who kidnap her.

 

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two options: flee and meet the same fate as her family, or stay, and join the organization as a member in training—another recruit for their grim cause. Lucy’s only thought is escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust.

 

 

Lucy soon discovers that her village isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted and things begin to change. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Everywhere Genesis goes, havoc and chaos follow.

 

 

Lucy learns more than self-defense and medicinal herbs as she spends time with the odd group of five. On top of finding out the secrets of Genesis’ past, she discovers the truth of what happened the night her family perished.

 

 

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

 

Walking with Strangers is an adventure novel complete at 90,000 word. It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

 

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

 

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

 

            Sincerely,

            Kaitlyn Keller



#6 Springfield

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 05:27 PM

Still too vague, and with no stakes really.



#7 ThatDan

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 05:51 PM

2 things,
1: "alternative reality" still doesn't give me any concept of the setting. Medicinal herbs suggests it could be set in a fantasy world akin to medieval times, but I'm still not sure. Consider how some high fantasy is described as "in a time before the fall of magic, but before the rise of man". You need something similar to this so we know exactly where we are.

2: based on the first two queries, it feels like there is a story that's not quite coming across clearly. Here is what o think you're trying to say- Lucy's village burns down> she finds Genesis picking through the ruins>they capture her as a recruit> initially hesitant, but they convince her they are not the wanted criminal's everyone thinks they are> she finds purpose and place among them> then the big secret: Genesis are responsible for the fires and her family's death> now the conflict and stakes have been introduced and Lucy must decide if she stays with the people who lied to her, or if she seeks revenge.
^^^ obviously i'm making assumptions, but I think that's similar to what you're trying to say and has a good flow towards the focus point of the story.

#8 Cates

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 07:00 PM

I'm definitely intrigued! A few suggestions: 

 

1. Make it clear that Genesis are the ones who burned down the town. The way it reads, it sounds Lucy running into them and the town burning down are two disconnected events. If it's clear from the start that the group she ran into are the arsonists, the stakes are immediately that much higher. Or if this is a secret that Lucy doesn't know until the end, make it clear why she wouldn't assume these strangers are the culprits. Do they help her? Save her by taking her away from the fire (even if it's against her will?) 

 

2. Is there different wording you could use to replace 'wanted group of misfits?' To me that sounds like a little band of orphans, not a well-organized criminal organization. Why are they misfits? Where did they come from? Are they societal rejects who band together? I want a clearer sense of what this group is. I'm assuming 'wanted' means they're wanted by the law, but again it's a bit unclear, partially because, if this town is burned to the ground, who is the law coming after them? Is this based on a real country? A made-up place? Who's hunting these guys? When is it set (even if it's an alternate reality, we still need a sense of time)? 

 

3. What exactly is Genesis doing? Havoc and chaos aren't specific, and I'm wondering how much havoc five people could cause. I got that they're burning down towns, but why? Are they robbing the town? Are they kidnapping people? Are they assassins? If you make it clear exactly what Genesis does and why (or at least the why they give Lucy/Lucy believes) I'll have a much clearer sense of what Lucy risks by running away or staying.

 

4. Final thing: I'm not clear why her leaving will automatically equals her death. Will they hunt her down? Are they skilled trackers or rangers or something? Why would they bother? Is there no one she could go to for help? Does she lack the skills to survive on her own? Again, making it clearer what Genesis wants and what they can do will clear a lot of this up. 

 

Good luck! I love five-man-band adventures, and this sounds promising, it just needs more detail. 



#9 illusionofscript

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 09:27 PM

So, I spent quite a few hours editing and rephrasing my query after the honest feedback I received about my original. I believe that I was able to cover all the questions without getting wordy or too detailed.

Please let me know if you like the improvements and what else I can work on!

Dear Potential Reader,

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

In the rural, modern-day countryside of Eastmarsh, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she runs into Genesis—a group of societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country. Rather than killing her after witnessing their involvement in the massacre, they decide to kidnap and use her for their own grim cause.

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two options: flee and meet the same fate as her family, or stay, and join the organization as a member in training. Known for their involvement in assassinations, thievery, and arson, Genesis does whatever they need to survive and put food on their plates.

Lucy’s only thought is escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust, which means playing the part of a criminal. She learns more than self-defense and medicinal herbs as she spends time with the odd group of five. As the missions grow harder and more gruesome, she’s informed that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

On top of finding out the secrets of Genesis’ past, she discovers the truth of what happened the night her family perished, which will forever change the way she views them.

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

Walking with Strangers is a low fantasy, adventure novel complete at 90,000 word. It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,
Kaitlyn Keller

#10 Springfield

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 10:23 PM

So, I spent quite a few hours editing and rephrasing my query after the honest feedback I received about my original. I believe that I was able to cover all the questions without getting wordy or too detailed.

Please let me know if you like the improvements and what else I can work on!

Dear Potential Reader,

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

In the rural, modern-day countryside of Eastmarsh, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she runs into Genesis—a group of societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country. Rather than killing her after witnessing their involvement in the massacre, they decide to kidnap and use her for their own grim cause.

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two options: flee and meet the same fate as her family, or stay, and join the organization as a member in training. Known for their involvement in assassinations, thievery, and arson, Genesis does whatever they need to survive and put food on their plates.

Lucy’s only thought is escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust, which means playing the part of a criminal. She learns more than self-defense and medicinal herbs as she spends time with the odd group of five. As the missions grow harder and more gruesome, she’s informed that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

On top of finding out the secrets of Genesis’ past, she discovers the truth of what happened the night her family perished, which will forever change the way she views them.

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

Walking with Strangers is a low fantasy, adventure novel complete at 90,000 word. It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,
Kaitlyn Keller

 

Is this meant to be YA? 

 

Regardless, now it's contemp, vague, and with no stakes -- and no voice really btw, which I figured would come with stakes and specifics, but you just seem to be rearranging words you've got instead of revising, so I'm mentioning.



#11 ThatDan

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:13 PM

Continuing on from Springfield's comments, we still need the conflict and stakes. You elude to the conflict right at the end (Lucy discovers a secret that changes here perception of them) but we're not told anything else.
I assume the stakes follow in the form of Lucy having an even harder decision to make, but whatever her dilemma, whatever is at stake, remains a mystery to the potential agent.

Hope this doesn't all seem too negative. Your query is on track, just needs a little more oomph.

#12 jaustail

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 01:01 AM

JMO:

 

 

Dear Potential Reader,

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer(serial killer/assassin sounds better. jmo).

In the rural, modern-day countryside of Eastmarsh, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes (maybe add: her) village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it(remove the first paragraph and use this as introduction). Racing down to search for survivors, she runs into Genesis—a group of societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country. Rather than killing her after witnessing their involvement in the massacre, they decide to kidnap and use her for their own grim cause.(I had to read this a few times to figure out who witnessed the involvement of outcasts in the fire. maybe simplify)

When Lucy wakes up the next morning, she finds herself with two options: flee and meet the same fate as her family(why? is the fire still on?), or stay, and join the organization as a member in training. Known for their involvement in assassinations, thievery, and arson, Genesis does whatever they need to survive and put food on their plates.

Lucy’s only thought is (maybe add: to) escape, but to do so she must carefully earn their trust, which means playing the part of a criminal. She learns more than self-defense and medicinal herbs as she spends time with the odd group of five. As the missions grow harder and more gruesome, she’s informed that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town Genesis has targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

On top of finding out the secrets of Genesis’ past, she discovers the truth of what happened the night her family perished, which will forever change the way she views them.

Good and evil isn’t always black and white.

Walking with Strangers is a low fantasy, adventure novel complete at 90,000 word(words). It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,
Kaitlyn Keller

 

 

I didn't understand why Lucy would want to be with those who killed her family. Maybe give a stronger reason. Does she seek revenge? JMO.


JUPITER'S AMBITION

Revised on Post#70

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#13 illusionofscript

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 09:12 AM

Here's my dilemma: I CANT explain the twist. It would ruin the entire point of the book. I want readers to make assumptions but I cannot say either way about some of the issues including Genesis and the secrets. Hence why they are secrets. I find I'm a bit frustrated because I've answered all your questions: who is Genesis, what do they want, where are they, and I'm still too vague. I don't get what's still vague. I feel like I do exactly what is asked and then get criticized for it.

I apologize if I'm coming off as mean, but I'm trying to understand. I feel like I'm worse off than I was at the start and it's obnoxious. I'm the stakes are obvious: if she runs away they will kill her. If she stays she'll become a criminal.

#14 perpetual

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 09:45 AM

On top of finding out the secrets of Genesis’ past, she discovers the truth of what happened the night her family perished, which will forever change the way she views them.--> With this sentence, you run the risk of seemingly spoiling the ending. You've gone too far into your book. Remember the purpose of your query is to entice interest in your manuscript by setting up the FIRST ACT and the stakes that are raised within it. If you don't know what those stakes are (vs not knowing how to express them), then this is an indication your manuscript needs reworking. If you do know what the stakes are and are having trouble expressing them concisely, that's another story.

Good and evil isn’t always black and white. ---> This line to me is intriguing. I'd focus my stakes/closing of the query around this line. Essentially, forget about Genesis and the family. Focus instead: What happens to make Lucy realize this? What does Lucy stand to lose with the realization? How does this realization affect her? Those are your stakes. If they connect with Genesis and the family, cool, but your angle should be Lucy.

 

the stakes are obvious: if she runs away they will kill her. If she stays she'll become a criminal. --> These are NOT your stakes. Your whole novel, I hope, does not revolve around Lucy trying to avoid death and becoming a criminal. This is your HOOK, and a very good one at that. Your stakes, I feel, is what Lucy stands to lose even if she manages to successfully avoid death and jail.

 

The other area of concern is the age of your MC. It makes me think the novel is YA. You really need to determine if it is and if it isn't, have your query show why it isn't. The best way to do the latter is with appropriate comps. The reason for this is because I'd hate for an agent to get the same impression I did and decide they don't represent YA and reject solely on that.

 

Hope this helps! I'd love your thoughts on my query, linked in my signature.


Query: Click here.

 


#15 illusionofscript

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:03 AM

Perpetual,

Thanks for your insight. I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but the entire book revolves around the fire, Genesis, and Lucy's relationship with them. I can't take them out of the query because they appear in he first 15 pages.

I would like your opinion on how exactly to phrase my stakes. She's been kidnapped. She has the choice to die or join a group of criminals. She wants to find out what happened to her town, but Genesis won't talk about it. She forces herself to line among them and gain their trust so she can leave without being hunted down. She thinks about revenge, but doesn't consider it because she's VERY moral. How do I make it so that this sounds like the stake/big dilemma. Obviously I'm having a hard time writing it in a way that's not vague.

Thanks!

#16 perpetual

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:11 AM

Perpetual,

Thanks for your insight. I agree with a lot of what you're saying, but the entire book revolves around the fire, Genesis, and Lucy's relationship with them. I can't take them out of the query because they appear in he first 15 pages.

I would like your opinion on how exactly to phrase my stakes. She's been kidnapped. She has the choice to die or join a group of criminals. She wants to find out what happened to her town, but Genesis won't talk about it. She forces herself to line among them and gain their trust so she can leave without being hunted down. She thinks about revenge, but doesn't consider it because she's VERY moral. How do I make it so that this sounds like the stake/big dilemma. Obviously I'm having a hard time writing it in a way that's not vague.

Thanks!

 

 

Give me the spoilers: What's Genesis' secret? What happened to her parents? Why are the fires happening? What happens to Lucy at the end? What's her character growth? What decisions does she end up making?

 

Once I know the big picture, I'll see about how to phrase your stakes. :)

 

If you don't want spoilers on the thread here, feel free to PM me.


Query: Click here.

 


#17 Springfield

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:22 AM

Here's my dilemma: I CANT explain the twist. It would ruin the entire point of the book. I want readers to make assumptions but I cannot say either way about some of the issues including Genesis and the secrets. Hence why they are secrets. I find I'm a bit frustrated because I've answered all your questions: who is Genesis, what do they want, where are they, and I'm still too vague. I don't get what's still vague. I feel like I do exactly what is asked and then get criticized for it.

I apologize if I'm coming off as mean, but I'm trying to understand. I feel like I'm worse off than I was at the start and it's obnoxious. I'm the stakes are obvious: if she runs away they will kill her. If she stays she'll become a criminal.

 

Those aren't the stakes, they're her original problem -- that's setup. Why can't you explain the twist? Why can't you say what the secrets are? Say something about them. No one reading the query has any idea what's going on; it's just vague secrets and something and for some reason she's staying there. That's doesn't make any sense.



#18 perpetual

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:47 AM

After reading your PM, here's my suggestion for phrasing the query:

 

If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

In the rural, modern-day countryside of Eastmarsh, seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she finds Genesis—a group of five societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country—at the scene of the crime. But, instead of killing Lucy, they kidnap her.

 

Within Genesis' camp, fleeing means almost certain death. Lucy's only choice is joining Genesis and playing the part of a criminal until she can find a viable escape plan. But engaging in illegal activity is not even the greatest difficulty. [Add in a line about Lucy struggling with the Genesis' immorality and how her own moral compass.]

 

As the missions grow harder and more gruesome, she’s informed that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, and Lucy is determined to get to the bottom of it. The closer Lucy gets to the truth, the more she realizes good and evil isn’t always black and white and that the truth about her family may not be what she thinks it to be.


Query: Click here.

 


#19 illusionofscript

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 11:15 AM

>>> edited version in original post!

#20 Springfield

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 11:42 AM

Like perpetual stated, here is the better worked out query, thanks to some wonderful suggestions. Let me know what you think.

Dear Potential Reader,


If she runs away, they’ll kill her; if she stays, she’ll become a murderer.

In the rural, modern-day countryside of Eastmarsh, So it's contemporary?  seventeen-year-old Lucy Aims watches as a fire consumes her village, taking her family and everyone she knows with it. Racing down to search for survivors, she finds Genesis—a group of five societal outcasts wanted by every guard unit in the country So it's not contemporary?—at the scene of the crime.But, instead of killing Lucy, they kidnap her

Within Genesis' camp, fleeing means almost certain death.Why? Lucy's only choice is joining Genesis and playing the part of a criminal until she can find a viable escape plan. Engaging in illegal activity is not even the greatest difficulty though. <--Aren't these the same thing? --> Fitting in means compromising on her ethical compass, and Lucy struggles with the organizations immorality and corrupt behavior. 

As the missions Missions to do what? Why? I have no idea what's going on as this is all entirely vague. I don't know when or where we are or what kind of group this is -- anarchists, terrorists, a cult, I got nothing. grow harder and more gruesome, she’s informed that Eastmarsh isn’t the only town targeted. A series of seemingly untraceable fires ripple through the country, and Lucy is determined to get to the bottom of it. it's Genesis, for some reason. The closer she gets to the truth, the more she realizes good and evil isn’t always black and white and that the reality about her family's death may not be what she thinks. Which is...

Walking with Strangers is a low fantasy, adventure novel complete at 90,000 words. It is similar to the tone of ___________. The entire manuscript is available upon request.

I am a 2017 graduate of a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I have included the first few pages and look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,
Kaitlyn Keller

 I still don't see any stakes, and it says fantasy, but there aren't any fantasy elements in the query at all -- you say it's a modern day village with fires and killing and she has to get to the bottom of something. Nothing remotely fantasy-based. Also no voice really. 







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, Adventure, Fantasy, Young Adult

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