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The King's Plan

Fiction Fantasy Young Adult

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#1 sugarcoateddreams

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:50 AM

ADDRESS

 

Dear INSERT AGENT NAME:

 

I’m the author of the first book of a four book YA adventure series.  A mid-sized independent publisher has already offered me a contract, but I’m looking for representation to pitch the series to a top-flight publisher.

 

The first novel, THE KING’S PLAN, is 92K words of young adult fantasy. Subsequent books of the series will be approximately the same length (I’m already well into writing the second book).  The series follows a young woman who believes herself to be forgettable . . . until tragedy takes the life of her odd and reclusive father.  It is only then that she discovers both his secret and the fact that she is magical.  In the end, after a series of often-terrifying adventures on two warring islands, Rori discovers that she is, in fact, entirely unforgettable.  In the process, she finds her loyalties — to her best friend and to her principles — regularly tested.

 

THE KING’S PLAN is a book of magical events, sudden violence, betrayal, loyalty and honor.  

           

As the Canterbury Scholar for Santa Clara University, I completed THE KING’S PLAN under the supervision of my mentor, author [prefer's to remain unnamed on this site], After 36,000 edits and with the help of a hired copyeditor, we were able to present THE KING’S PLAN as the final project of my college career.  Even before graduation, I had received my first contract offer.

 

If you find this interesting, I will be happy to send you the manuscript in any format you desire.

 

I look forward to your reply.

 

With best regards,

 

 

INSERT INFO



#2 Springfield

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:06 PM

ADDRESS

 

Dear INSERT AGENT NAME:

 

I’m the author of the first book of a four book YA adventure series.  A mid-sized independent publisher has already offered me a contract, but I’m looking for representation to pitch the series to a top-flight publisher.

 

The first novel, THE KING’S PLAN, is 92K words of young adult fantasy. Subsequent books of the series will be approximately the same length (I’m already well into writing the second book).  The series follows a young woman who believes herself to be forgettable . . . until tragedy takes the life of her odd and reclusive father.  It is only then that she discovers both his secret and the fact that she is magical.  In the end, after a series of often-terrifying adventures on two warring islands, Rori discovers that she is, in fact, entirely unforgettable.  In the process, she finds her loyalties — to her best friend and to her principles — regularly tested. You need a proper query here.

 

THE KING’S PLAN is a book of magical events, sudden violence, betrayal, loyalty and honor.  

           

As the Canterbury Scholar for Santa Clara University, I completed THE KING’S PLAN under the supervision of my mentor, author [prefer's to remain unnamed on this site], After 36,000 edits and with the help of a hired copyeditor, we were able to present THE KING’S PLAN as the final project of my college career.  Even before graduation, I had received my first contract offer.

 

If you find this interesting, I will be happy to send you the manuscript in any format you desire.

 

I look forward to your reply.

 

With best regards,

 

 

INSERT INFO

 

I have questions -- did you query publishers with this? How many? Did you query any of the big five or imprints thereof?

 

This is a specific thing you're doing. You need a regular query for the body, but it should have a specific intro, with the publisher's name and some other details, and not the way you've set this up quite, and a subject line reflecting the urgency and specifics of your situation.



#3 dogsbody

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:35 PM

I’m the author of the first book of a four book YA adventure series.  A mid-sized independent publisher has already offered me a contract, but I’m looking for representation to pitch the series to a top-flight publisher.

 

 

1. It's usually recommended to query one book at a time.

 

2. This opening is a bit. Odd. 

 

Someone has offered you a contract? Are you intending to sign? Aren't you working with some sort of deadline before you have to give them an answer either way?

 

It's not unknown to look for agents with an offer on hand. I personally think writers should sign with an agent regardless, because boiler-plate contracts don't always serve authors. But the language for that kind of query should read something like "I am looking for an agent before I enter negotiations with [x] publisher who has offered me a contract."

 

You seem to be saying you're not interested in the offer. So whether or not you have one is absolutely moot. It doesn't bear mentioning. 

 

And, honestly, saying you're interested "in a top-flight publisher" might work against you. Are you saying you'll only accept an offer from the big five? Because that's going to hamstring an agent. They work with small presses and indie presses all the time. 

 

Basically, that's a lot of obfustication to open a query with.

 

3. The standard for queries usually includes: character, conflict, stakes. There's no set format and people have been known to get away with queries that break the mold, but you might want to read through Query Shark for better insight. 



#4 ThatDan

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 04:17 PM

Needs WAAAAY more info on the actual story. Apart from a father dying, and something about magic and some warring islands, we know nothing about Rori and the narrative.

#5 jaustail

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 02:57 AM

JMO:

 

ADDRESS

 

Dear INSERT AGENT NAME:

 

I’m the author of the first book of a four book YA adventure series.  A mid-sized independent publisher has already offered me a contract(congrats), but I’m looking for representation to pitch the series to a top-flight publisher.

 

The first novel, THE KING’S PLAN, is 92K words of young adult fantasy. Subsequent books of the series will be approximately the same length (I’m already well into writing the second book).  The series follows a young woman who believes herself to be forgettable . . . until tragedy takes the life of her odd and reclusive father.  It is only then that she discovers both his secret and the fact that she is magical.  In the end, after a series of often-terrifying adventures on two warring islands, Rori discovers that she is, in fact, entirely unforgettable.  In the process, she finds her loyalties — to her best friend and to her principles — regularly tested.

 

THE KING’S PLAN is a book of magical events, sudden violence, betrayal, loyalty and honor.  

           

As the Canterbury Scholar for Santa Clara University, I completed THE KING’S PLAN under the supervision of my mentor, author [prefer's to remain unnamed on this site], After 36,000 edits and with the help of a hired copyeditor, we were able to present THE KING’S PLAN as the final project of my college career.  Even before graduation, I had received my first contract offer.

 

Reading a few queries in success forum could be helpful to understanding the format of queries.

 

If you find this interesting, I will be happy to send you the manuscript in any format you desire(don't put desire and nowadays one can easily convert pdf to word and vice versa so don't put this.).

 

I look forward to your reply(I look forward to hearing from you)(to your reply makes it seem like they have to do work and reply)(jmo).

 

With best regards,


Query: WALL OF ICE

(Space Opera)

Revised version: Link


#6 Conrad Williams

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 02:38 PM

I agree with others that this seems to veer rather far from the standard query format that agents expect.

 

You write non-specific statements, which would be much more compelling with detail added.  Her father has a secret, but what is it? Does he hoard yellow socks or did he murder a million people? You know the answer, but fresh readers have no context to build expectations from. 

 

Another example, the "often terrifying adventures" which teach her he is "entirely unforgettable." What adventures, and what did Rori do to make her realize she is unforgettable?  Were they dueling Lego contests and she realized her gift for Legos? Obviously I jest but without any detail otherwise, how are fresh readers to know?

 

Also sorry to grammar nazi, but ellipses are for a pause or lull in conversation.  Probably the last thing you want an agent to experience reading your letter.

 

Kudos to a publishing offer. You're way far ahead of most querying authors already. Get the query into the format agents expect and you should see great success. Hit queryshark and read read read.







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