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Cheating Wife Story 245 words


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#1 Pen

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Posted 28 July 2017 - 08:07 PM

Victor Davidson grew up a poor, but determined kid. His only possessions were a few clothes, the school's laptop, and a love for robotics. He lived in an area near a company that processed piles of junk into useful raw materials. He'd spend hours tinkering and repairing old units, while he did all he could to quench his nearly insatiable hunger for knowledge. Competition for scholarships was intense and he failed to obtain one. His grades were examined as far back as the second grade. A single C in English killed his chances for going to college. However his love of robotics helped his small business grow into a empire.

 

The money he made went back to into his business which produced cutting edge technology. His company blew the competition away with ease. He dominated and profited hugely in areas of the business many thought impractical to invest in. He didn't have a fear of loosing money nor the desire to horde it. Sometimes he failed horribly, sometimes he succeeded,  mostly he excelled above and beyond expectations. He provided the life his mother always dreamed of. He married a model, and had fancy toys that once existed in his daydreams. Then he learned of a plot developed by his wife and his mother to have him killed. The information was obtained from a friend who interrogated the man, whom for three years, had been screwing his wife during their five years of marriage.

 



#2 Galina

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    http://agentqueryconnect.com/index.php?/topic/37674-a-witch-can-love-genre-blending/

Posted 31 July 2017 - 07:11 AM

The end is a nice twist. Is this a backstory to your novel?



#3 Pen

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Posted 31 July 2017 - 08:25 AM

Yep. But it's a short a story I'm writing just for fun. I sat down and all of that literally flew from my fingers. Total story will be under 9,000 words when done. So I needed a dynamic way to introduce him, his situation, and explain why he's about to make an interesting boarding attempt on a helicopter.



#4 Galina

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Posted 31 July 2017 - 07:48 PM

Just start showing the story...



#5 Pen

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Posted 31 July 2017 - 08:16 PM

I agree wholeheartedly with that. But then a lot of people on this site says that is cheating. But the action starts in the next paragraph a wild ride really.



#6 jaustail

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 05:09 AM

I think this was telling and maybe you could slow down. It's well written.

 

Victor Davidson grew up a poor, but determined kid. His only possessions were a few clothes, the school's laptop, and a love for robotics. He lived in an area near a company that processed piles of junk into useful raw materials. He'd spend hours tinkering and repairing old units, while he did all he could to quench his nearly insatiable hunger for knowledge. Competition for scholarships was intense and he failed to obtain one. His grades were examined as far back as the second grade. A single C in English killed his chances for going to college. However his love of robotics(In second sentence, it's love 'for' robotics. here it's love 'of' robotics.) helped his small business grow into a(replace 'a' with 'an') empire.

 

The money he made went back to into his business which produced cutting edge technology. His company blew the competition away with ease. He dominated and profited hugely in areas of the business many thought impractical to invest in. He didn't have a fear of loosing(losing) money nor the desire to horde it. Sometimes he failed horribly, sometimes he succeeded,  mostly he excelled above and beyond expectations. He provided the life his mother always dreamed of. He married a model, and had fancy toys that once existed in his daydreams. Then he learned of a plot developed by his wife and his mother to have him killed. The information was obtained from a friend who interrogated the man, whom(who) for three years, had been screwing his wife during their five years of marriage.



#7 Pen

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 11:47 AM

Thank you for your feedback!



#8 AB Thompson

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 05:41 PM

This started off warm & friendly like a pen, then descended into a grim twist towards the end. Poor guy.

 

Keep it up!






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