Lewis Left couldn’t shake the pesky feeling her throat had been sliced open for nothing. It wasn’t the pain of the ring passing through her neck or the ‘squelch’ sound it made or the scars it left after her skin stitched itself back together. It was the
unavoidable fact that she finally had once had her purpose and now it was broken gone.
How can a purpose be broken? That part confused me, which was why I am suggesting "gone."
A purpose gives each person a unique power to change one thing about the world: the consistency of jam, the length of a nose, the location of the keys you keep misplacing. Lewis wanted more. She dreamed of changing weapons into words or deaf mouths into
mute ears I don't know what to suggest here, but mute ears isn't the opposite of deaf mouths...does this mean she wanted to help people couldn't speak, speak? or flood waters into harmless ink that would print powerful stories on every inch of a town. Instead, hers changed nothing.
I love the other changes she wants to make. Lovely and powerful - flood waters into harmless ink.
But I would be much less confused if you stated in the beginning what her purpose was that she lost. I'm not clear on that by this point.
So while ordinarily a second voice in her head would cause concern, when that voice says he can give her what she wants, she listens. When it asks for just a teeny-tiny, little bit of control in return, she gives it.
him the voice only as the King.
Whenever Lewis doubts her choice, the King merely offers to leave. Without him, she could dress up her purpose in lace and pearls and commission a portrait and shine it daily. Without him, it would be jewelry and nothing more. As the King’s coils around her tighten and Lewis discovers what he plans to change, she knows it is time to decide.
I don't understand what this part about the portrait and the jewelry means.
Throw off the King and control her self.
Kneel, and control the world.
It took me a couple of reads to understand that finding your purpose in this story is something special in this universe. It's not just like realizing you want to be Google's CEO. Could this be handled by simply capitalizing (Purpose), or giving it a special name? I think most of my confusion here could be cleared up just by knowing what her particular purpose was in the first place. That said, this is a really cool idea! I love the idea that someone's purpose could be to simply change the consistency of jam, and that the MC wants to help change the world in a much bigger way.