Thanks for stopping by my query!
In modern day Mumbai, twenty-six-year-old Karan is living a happy life, until a chance encounter with a woman named Chhaya dissolves the gap between gods and aliens. Don't write character names in all caps in a query, just in a synopsis.
I would use the last sentence from your opening paragraph as your hook--it's quite effective as a hook, then move the background to the body of your query. Also, you should clarify that Chhaya is a woman. Because the name is so unfamiliar, I was initially unsure if Chhaya was a person (and then gender of person), place, or thing. Although I guess she's not actually a woman, so you could say an alien woman. Not sure how to address that, but just Chhaya is too confusing.
Within months, Karan is head over heels for Chhaya. But when he begins to tell her how he feels, she reveals herself to be an alien manipulating Karan into liking her. She explains that Karan’s genes possess the power of subjugation through telepathy, one of the eight attainments of the ancient aboriginal. He learns that thousands of years ago, Earth became the battleground for a galactic civil war. The earth is how it is today because of an aboriginal primate (species?) who/that attained extraordinary abilities. And Karan is descended from this primate (species?).
I think you should incorporate the history into the second paragraph (my attempt above). Also, does the special aboriginal refer to just one individual or to an aboriginal tribe or species? So is Karan a decendent from one person or he is actually a different species?
As Chhaya begs requests Karan's to help to find and lead the other possessors need different word, but all Karan can think about of is her deception and his broken heart. In disbelief and pain, Karan confides in his best friend. But when Karan learns from him that their friendship is a sham created to protect his genes, he gets shattered even further. I think you need to reword this last part. Reads awkwardly.
While everything he knew about his life turning out to be a farce, Karan is forced to make a choice: listen to his heart and condemn the ones that lied to him, or ignore his emotions and try to save the galaxy by facing the monsters that even the gods are petrified of.
And he needs to do it quickly, because there is someone else around who wants his powers, and is not waiting for his consent.
THE SUBJEGATOR is a 100,000-word YA fantasy novel with elements of science-fiction, along with mythology-reality bridge like the Shiva trilogy by Amish Tripathi.
Your query is nice and concise--good job there! I think it will be really good if you use the last sentence of your first paragraph as a hook, and then move the history to the next paragraph. I think your query breaks down a bit when you get to the friend part. After reading your query, I also have quite a few questions:
1. How does Karan's relationship with Chhaya trigger this new confrontation? Is he the only person with this special power? Your query says there are others.
2. You said the gap dissolves, which made me think there is a physical border that is destroyed. Is that the case? What is the gap?
3. What are the monsters? Could you maybe clarify a bit?
I hope this helps.