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Beasts-First Encounter


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#1 TM5

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Posted 22 August 2017 - 12:45 PM

What do you think?

 

 

When a teenage boy discovers a secret society of Sasquatch living under a mountain close to his home town, he must try and stop humans from hunting them before his new found friend and family's extinction becomes a reality.



#2 punitrastogi

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 02:50 AM

Since humans are hunting sasquatches, I guess more people have found them and their must have been a trigger for the hunting.

So I would actually replace "discovers" to 'befriends".

 

Also "becomes a reality" is unnecessary. The hook works perfectly without it.

 

Hope it helps.

 

Please have a look at my hook too.



#3 TM5

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 10:15 AM

Thank you.  I will work at rewording it.  I will look at yours as well.  :smile:



#4 kathleenq

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:11 PM

What do you think?

 

 

When a teenage boy discovers befriends a secret society of Sasquatch living under a mountain close to his home town, he must try and stop humans from hunting them before his new found friends' and family's extinction becomes a reality.


Synopsis: Glass Domes





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