I have read over your query multiple times now to try and find any suggestions I might have, but honestly it is very good. If you chose to, you could send it out now. But there are two words I think you could take a look at:
I agree with what the people above me have been saying. But I don't think it is make-it or break-it. If you can't figure something out or actually like the word, then I wouldn't spend time on it.
This word, while descriptive, seemed much darker than the rest of your query. When I was reading the query, I was getting a good feel for the story. But when I got to this word, it kinda dampened the sense of childish wonderment and adventure that was being promised promising.
I shared this with my friend who was looking over my query letter on here, as she is an elementary special ed teacher, and she was quite fond of the concept. I believe this could be a popular book, and there is a good chance that I will be seeing it in print when this is all said and done. Best of luck to you!