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A Life In Colour (MG Contemporary)

Fiction Middle Grade

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#41 Omocc

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Posted 01 October 2017 - 11:49 AM

I have read over your query multiple times now to try and find any suggestions I might have, but honestly it is very good. If you chose to, you could send it out now. But there are two words I think you could take a look at:

 

1. Banned

I agree with what the people above me have been saying. But I don't think it is make-it or break-it. If you can't figure something out or actually like the word, then I wouldn't spend time on it.

 

2. Nightmarish

This word, while descriptive, seemed much darker than the rest of your query. When I was reading the query, I was getting a good feel for the story. But when I got to this word, it kinda dampened the sense of childish wonderment and adventure that was being promised promising. 

 

I shared this with my friend who was looking over my query letter on here, as she is an elementary special ed teacher, and she was quite fond of the concept. I believe this could be a popular book, and there is a good chance that I will be seeing it in print when this is all said and done. Best of luck to you!

 

~Omocc


Please check out my query in revision: Metal From Flesh


#42 Chloe Kleine

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    Do please take a look at my new query : RED MOON

Posted 01 October 2017 - 07:10 PM

I think your query has vastly improved. It's clear what's going on, and you've built in some warmth and emotion in to the two partners in crime.
I do still want to know why Unc's application for guardianship wouldn't end up saving them in the long run, even if the foster parents catch up and foil Huey's escape plan.

Please critique my query, and I will return the favour!

http://agentquerycon...n-bdsm-romance/

 


#43 egavin

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Posted 01 October 2017 - 10:07 PM

 

Dear *Agent*,

 

Words like red, blue and green are banned (I agree with a couple of posters. "Banned" feels a little strange.) to twelve-year-old farmboy Huey Crescent. But it’s only when his parents die in a car accident and he’s sent to a foster home that he learns why. Huey has Achromatopsia, the complete inability to see colour. A truth his overprotective parents spent their lives keeping from him. (Question: does Huey even know that words for colors exist? Knows they exist but doesn't understand what they mean? If its the former, you could say something like "Huey Crescent didn't hear words like red, blue, and green until he was twelve-years-old. But when his parents die in a car accident...")

 

When Huey’s not scrubbing the toilets or snaking the drains of his prison-like foster home, he's hidden away in the leaky attic or mercilessly mocked by the foster kids for his goofy glasses. Worse still, tattling will get him sent further away from his beloved farm where Unc, the old groundskeeper who helped raise him, plans to become his guardian. Fed up of being bullied (Maybe "fed up with the bullying"? Not sure why, it just sounds a little better to me) and unwilling to wait for the guardianship decision to be made, Huey begins planning an escape.

 

He finds an unlikely ally in the mysterious Bibi, an ever-smiling blind girl. A self-styled master spy, Bibi's only too happy to plot, scheme and conspire with Huey. Though her ideas are always nuttier than crunchy peanut butter, she shows Huey that he doesn’t need to see colours to have a colourful life, and soon they’re more than friends. They’re partners in crime.

 

Huey and Bibi know the journey will be dangerous, especially since one of them can’t see the colour of the traffic lights and the other can’t see at all. The farm is remote, their rotten foster parents are on their tail and all the partners in crime they have is each other. Huey and Bibi must make it back to Unc and the safety of the farm or be forever trapped in that nightmarish foster home, with no hope of a life in colour. Great ending.

 

A LIFE IN COLOUR is a standalone Middle Grade Contemporary novel, complete at 55,000 words. It’s WONDER meets A MONSTER CALLS, with the added animal charm of PAX. I’ve recently had two crime fiction books published with Carina UK (now HQ Stories), a subsidiary of Harper Collins.

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

I'd say you're pretty much there! Good luck!



#44 MICRONESIA

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Posted 04 October 2017 - 09:37 AM

Words like red, blue and green are banned to twelve-year-old farmboy Huey Crescent. But it’s only when his parents die in a car accident and he’s sent to a foster home that he learns why. Huey has Achromatopsia, the complete inability to see colour. A truth his overprotective parents spent their lives keeping from him.

 

When Huey’s not scrubbing the toilets or snaking the drains of his prison-like foster home, he's hidden away in the leaky attic or mercilessly mocked by the foster kids for his goofy glasses. Worse still, tattling will get him sent further away from his beloved farm where Unc, the old groundskeeper who helped raise him, plans to become his guardian. Fed up of being bullied and unwilling to wait for the guardianship decision to be made, Huey begins planning an escape. Cool. Following so far. I would like to know -- how long has he been at the foster home? Weeks? Years?

 

He finds an unlikely ally in the mysterious Bibi, an ever-smiling blind girl. A self-styled master spy, Bibi's only too happy to plot, scheme and conspire with Huey. Though her ideas are always nuttier than crunchy peanut butter, she shows Huey that he doesn’t need to see colours to have a colourful life, and soon they’re more than friends. They’re partners in crime. Soon, they're more than friends -- they're partners in crime.

 

Huey and Bibi know the journey will be dangerous, especially since one of them can’t see the colour of the traffic lights and the other can’t see at all. Not being able to see the color of stoplights seems like a lame problem -- especially since they're presumably too young to drive! Also, it wouldn't take too long to figure out that the red light is the one at the top, the green one at the bottom. The farm is remote, their rotten foster parents are on their tail and all the partners in crime have is each other. Huey and Bibi must make it back to Unc and the safety of the farm or be forever trapped in that nightmarish foster home, with no hope of a life in colour.

 

A LIFE IN COLOUR is a standalone Middle Grade Contemporary novel, complete at 55,000 words. It’s WONDER meets A MONSTER CALLS, with the added animal charm of PAX. I’ve recently had two crime fiction books published with Carina UK (now HQ Stories), a subsidiary of Harper Collins.

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

 

I dig it overall, but like I mentioned, I don't see how the lack of color is really that big of a deal plot-wise. Yeah, it's a cool little detail -- but how much danger could you POSSIBLY be in without seeing color? Plus, I would like to know about the foster parents. Wouldn't they just call the police about a couple of runaways? Why are they so obsessed with catching them? We know so little about them that it's hard to feel the tension. What will happen if they foster parents reclaim them? A big scolding? Torture? We need to know these things.


A Darkness in Spring (query | synopsis)


#45 smithgirl

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Posted 13 November 2017 - 11:30 AM

Happened to come across this agent profile thought it might be a fit (Nelson Literary Agency) http://nelsonagency....ion-guidelines/

 

 

Quressa is seeking:
  • Modern-day blue stockings, POC fangirls/fanboys, #blackgirlmagic, #carefreeblackgirls, #blackboyjoy, LGBTQ+, neuroatypical/neurodivergent, and disabled POCs as leads
  • Young adult (contemporary, SF/F, historical)
  • Adult SF/F with strong genre-bending/crossover appeal. (Think the All Souls Trilogyby Deborah Harkness, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, and The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker. I’m also a fan of Anne Bishop and Naomi Novik.)
  • Romance (all genres except romantic suspense), especially by marginalized writers
  • Literary fiction that is thoughtful, evocative, page-turning (The MothersBehold the DreamersTell The Wolves I’m HomeStation 11)
  • Upmarket and commercial fiction
  • Select nonfiction passion projects
  • #ownvoices and marginalized authors in all genres mentioned above. Inclusive narratives in all genres.






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, Middle Grade

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