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The Lost Girl (YA Contemporary?)


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#1 cookie

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:18 PM

Hi, everyone. I'm really nervous about doing this, but I want to get this query ready. Please help! And if you help, I'll do my best to help you too. :)

 

--

 

Seventeen-year-old Juliet doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up, apparently, means getting forced into therapy after what her mother calls a “psychotic break.” Juliet just calls it trying to fly off a balcony to join Peter Pan in Neverland. But instead of Neverland, she finds herself in a weekly group for “troubled young women.” The meetings already sound like torture to Juliet, who hates opening up to people almost as much as she hates getting older.

 

Growing up means finding out that her snooty classmate Rachel is in the therapy group too. To her surprise, though, Juliet discovers that Rachel has her own demons. Her high-achieving older sister isn’t as perfect as anyone thought, and without her role model, Rachel’s lost her own way. As Rachel’s life falls apart, she and Juliet form a tentative friendship, helping each other to become more vulnerable and vowing to make it out of group alive. 

 

But for Juliet, growing up also means running away from her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, Theo, who always—always—finds his way back to her. So when Theo comes crashing back into her life once again, Juliet’s dreams of moving past her breakdown, creating a tentative friendship with Rachel, and feeling “normal” again seem as impossible as finding Neverland.

 

In the same vein as Words on Bathroom Walls and Under Rose-Tainted Skies, THE LOST GIRL is a 60,000-word YA contemporary novel sprinkled with Peter Pan quotes and Juliet’s letters to the titular character.



#2 Ireth

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:48 PM

Hi, everyone. I'm really nervous about doing this, but I want to get this query ready. Please help! And if you help, I'll do my best to help you too. :)

 

--

 

Seventeen-year-old Juliet (last name?) doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up, apparently, means getting forced into therapy after what her mother calls a “psychotic break.” Juliet just calls it trying to fly off a balcony to join Peter Pan in Neverland. But instead of Neverland, she finds herself in a weekly group for “troubled young women.” The meetings already sound like torture to Juliet, who hates opening up to people almost as much as she hates getting older.

 

Growing up means finding out that her snooty classmate Rachel is in the therapy group too. To her surprise, though, Juliet discovers that Rachel has her own demons. Her high-achieving older sister isn’t as perfect as anyone thought, and without her role model, Rachel’s lost her own way. As Rachel’s life falls apart, she and Juliet form a tentative friendship, helping each other to become more vulnerable and vowing to make it out of therapy alive. 

 

But for Juliet, growing up also means running away from her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, Theo, who always—always—finds his way back to her. So when Theo comes crashing back into her life once again, Juliet’s dreams of moving past her breakdown, creating a tentative friendship with Rachel, and feeling “normal” again seem as impossible as finding Neverland. (This is really good, but I think you might do well to be more clear about what will happen if Juliet fails inher goals.)

 

 

In the same vein as Words on Bathroom Walls and Under Rose-Tainted Skies (italicize your comp titles), THE LOST GIRL is a 60,000-word YA contemporary novel sprinkled with Peter Pan quotes and Juliet’s letters to the titular character.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#3 ck16

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:56 PM

Hi, everyone. I'm really nervous about doing this, but I want to get this query ready. Please help! And if you help, I'll do my best to help you too. :)

 

--

 

Seventeen-year-old Juliet doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up, apparently, means getting forced into therapy after what her mother calls a “psychotic break.” Juliet just calls it trying to fly off a balcony to join Peter Pan in Neverland. (Nice, intriguing intro!) But instead of Neverland, she finds herself in a weekly group for “troubled young women.” (I might be wrong, but after doing something that delusional and reckless - that could've been interpreted as an attempted suicide - I'd think she'd be institutionalized.) The meetings already sound like torture to Juliet, who hates opening up to people almost as much as she hates getting older. (I would personally either remove this last line or condense it down. I would even combine the general idea of this with the previous sentence. For example, "...she finds herself forced to grow up and open up in a weekly group for "troubled young women.")

 

Growing up means finding (This first part doesn't make sense. It makes it sound like she's trying to grow up rather than resisting it. I would instead start this with something like "The situation becomes even more dreadful when she finds out...") out that her snooty classmate Rachel is in the therapy group too. To her surprise, though, Juliet discovers that Rachel has her own demons. Her high-achieving older sister isn’t as perfect as anyone thought, and without her role model, Rachel’s lost her own way. (Unless Rachel is also a main character, her backstory isn't important here. The only thing that matters in the query is how Rachel affects the main character's goal. Does she help or hinder that goal?) As Rachel’s life falls apart, she and Juliet form a tentative friendship (I would instead say something like "As Juliet learns more about Rachel's struggles, the two form a tentative friendship..." or something like that.), helping each other to become more vulnerable and vowing to make it out of group (therapy) alive. 

 

But for Juliet, growing up also means running away from her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, Theo, who always—always—finds his way back to her (I would also reword this sentence). So when Theo comes crashing back into her life once again, Juliet’s dreams of moving past her breakdown, creating a tentative (Try not to repeat words. Also, you could condense this down to simply "befriending") friendship with Rachel, and feeling “normal” again seem as impossible as finding Neverland. (Does she want to be normal again? I got the feeling from the beginning that she's still in the stage where she's resisting growing up. I obviously don't know the whole story, but I've gotten the impression that her goal is not to grow up, and everything around her is challenging that original goal. Either way, I would make this far more clear here.)

 

 

In the same vein as Words on Bathroom Walls and Under Rose-Tainted Skies, THE LOST GIRL is a 60,000-word YA (I think in a query you should fully spell out "young adult", but I could be wrong.) contemporary novel sprinkled with Peter Pan quotes and (told through) Juliet’s letters to the titular character.

Your beginning is definitely intriguing, but the rest of this could use some work. Mainly, by the end, I was confused about the main character's goal. Is her goal to continue trying to maintain her childhood? To move past this incident and try to grow up? To just act normal for long enough to get out of group therapy? Whatever it is, make sure it's consistent and clear throughout the query. 

 

Hope all of this helps! Best of luck with querying :)



#4 egavin

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:39 PM

Hi, everyone. I'm really nervous about doing this, (So are we all!) but I want to get this query ready. Please help! And if you help, I'll do my best to help you too. :)

 

--

 

Seventeen-year-old Juliet doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up, apparently, means getting forced into therapy after what her mother calls a “psychotic break.” Juliet just calls it trying to fly off a balcony to join Peter Pan in Neverland.  (I would start off with this! "Seventeen-year-old Juliet jumped off a balcony to try to join Peter Pan in Neverland. But instead of Neverland..." Something like that.)  But instead of Neverland, she finds herself in a weekly group for “troubled young women.” The meetings already sound like torture to Juliet, who hates opening up to people almost as much as she hates getting older.

 

Growing up means finding out that her snooty classmate Rachel is in the therapy group too. To her surprise, though, Juliet discovers that Rachel has her own demons. Her high-achieving older sister isn’t as perfect as anyone thought, and without her role model, Rachel’s lost her own way. As Rachel’s life falls apart, she and Juliet form a tentative friendship, helping each other to become more vulnerable and vowing to make it out of group alive.  (Yeah, I would agree with ck16. You don't need to go into Rachel's backstory)

 

But for Juliet, growing up also means running away from her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, Theo, who always—always—finds his way back to her. So when Theo comes crashing back into her life once again, Juliet’s dreams of moving past her breakdown, creating a tentative friendship with Rachel, and feeling “normal” again seem as impossible as finding Neverland. 

Juliet's goal starts to get a little muddled in this paragraph.

 

 

In the same vein as Words on Bathroom Walls and Under Rose-Tainted Skies, THE LOST GIRL is a 60,000-word YA contemporary novel sprinkled with Peter Pan quotes and Juliet’s letters to the titular character.

 

 

Something to consider: you could try out a draft without the repeated growing up thing, and see how it turns out. I personally think the it's a really cool way to structure the query, but on the other hand it does give you a little less freedom, since each new point you introduce has to tie into the theme somehow.

 

Best of luck!

 

Also, if you have a moment could you check out my query?

http://agentquerycon...-empath-sci-fi/

Thanks!



#5 cookie

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 12:55 AM

 

Hi, everyone. I'm really nervous about doing this, but I want to get this query ready. Please help! And if you help, I'll do my best to help you too. :)

 

--

 

Seventeen-year-old Juliet (last name?) doesn’t want to grow up. Growing up, apparently, means getting forced into therapy after what her mother calls a “psychotic break.” Juliet just calls it trying to fly off a balcony to join Peter Pan in Neverland. But instead of Neverland, she finds herself in a weekly group for “troubled young women.” The meetings already sound like torture to Juliet, who hates opening up to people almost as much as she hates getting older.

 

Growing up means finding out that her snooty classmate Rachel is in the therapy group too. To her surprise, though, Juliet discovers that Rachel has her own demons. Her high-achieving older sister isn’t as perfect as anyone thought, and without her role model, Rachel’s lost her own way. As Rachel’s life falls apart, she and Juliet form a tentative friendship, helping each other to become more vulnerable and vowing to make it out of therapy alive. 

 

But for Juliet, growing up also means running away from her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, Theo, who always—always—finds his way back to her. So when Theo comes crashing back into her life once again, Juliet’s dreams of moving past her breakdown, creating a tentative friendship with Rachel, and feeling “normal” again seem as impossible as finding Neverland. (This is really good, but I think you might do well to be more clear about what will happen if Juliet fails inher goals.)

 

 

In the same vein as Words on Bathroom Walls and Under Rose-Tainted Skies (italicize your comp titles), THE LOST GIRL is a 60,000-word YA contemporary novel sprinkled with Peter Pan quotes and Juliet’s letters to the titular character.

 

 

Thank you so much!

 

 

Your beginning is definitely intriguing, but the rest of this could use some work. Mainly, by the end, I was confused about the main character's goal. Is her goal to continue trying to maintain her childhood? To move past this incident and try to grow up? To just act normal for long enough to get out of group therapy? Whatever it is, make sure it's consistent and clear throughout the query. 

 

Hope all of this helps! Best of luck with querying :)

 

Thank you for this!

 

 

Something to consider: you could try out a draft without the repeated growing up thing, and see how it turns out. I personally think the it's a really cool way to structure the query, but on the other hand it does give you a little less freedom, since each new point you introduce has to tie into the theme somehow.

 

Best of luck!

 

Also, if you have a moment could you check out my query?

http://agentquerycon...-empath-sci-fi/

Thanks!

Thank you for your help! I'm looking at your query right now.






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