Hi everybody! I'm still new here, but if you feel like it check out my hook:
Endra’s life is torn to pieces when her village is destroyed by raiding Vikings and the goddess of death kidnaps her sister, but on the journey to getting her only family back, she becomes a warrior that is capable of terrible things – and enjoys it.
Great so far. If you remove the unnecessary parts, it's tighter and allows you add more necessary information.
When the Goddess of Death kidnaps her sister, Endra must become a warrior capable of doing terrible things.
So we have:
- WHO: Endra
- WANTS/NEEDS: to get her sister back
- BUT: *Goddess of Death
- UNTIL: *Endra becomes a warrior
There's an asterisk on the last two because they DO work as answers to those questions but they go without saying. You may want to add, briefly and succinctly, why the GoD wants Endra's sister, OR why/how Endra becomes a terrible warrior.
One or the other.