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Query Letter Editing

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#1 aussied


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Posted 30 September 2017 - 03:54 AM

Hi guys,



I am new to this website and I appreciate all the help that this site has given me to tweak my query letter. 


I have re written my query letter but I am still not so confident about it. I would be thankful if someone could spare a minute to go over my letter. Thank you so much 


"As though being an untouchable wasn’t bad enough, Kalki gets taunted for being dark as night. She yearns desperately to be fair like her favourite film star.


After heeding the words of a mad temple priest that mangoes would make you fair, the urge to steal the king of the fruits was no longer driven by hunger for Kalki and her brother Karthi. Even if it means trespassing into the forbidden upper caste side of the town and getting thrashed.


Kalki’s desire takes full swing after the suicide of a young woman who was rejected as a bride for she was too dark. The siblings become obsessed with finding innovative ways to whiten Kalki’s skin and prevent her meeting the same fate.


The siblings criss-cross rigid social hierarchy only to be set back and unknowingly follow a pre destined path forged by the mistakes of the adults around them which the whole of the untouchable community pay for dearly."

#2 BadgerFox


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Posted 03 October 2017 - 04:56 AM

Maybe start a thread for it in the Query Critique section? :




It sounds intriguing. Poor Kalki! Colourism is awful, and I imagine being Scheduled Caste is hard too. And actually a lot of agents you see are looking for interesting stories set around the world, not just the same old US cities. I think if you present the story well you would have some agent interest. Maybe try adding the word count, the genre (I'm presuming Middle-Grade or Young-Adult?) and where the story is set (India?), so that an agent reading it doesn't have to guess these things.

Spare a little feedback, if you have a moment? :)

My AU historical novel query: here. Thank you!

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