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Back blurb of Nightstorm City


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#1 DHTSFWriter

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Posted 09 October 2017 - 09:35 PM

How's this. 

 

The malevolent corporation called Nightstorm Industries designs and manufactures the N-51 bioform, or ‘cartoon character’ as it’s called. The neon-ghetto city of its namesake will become the battleground for their rights to exist as sentient beings.

 

Remy and Angela are sibling toons made for a tv studio in the west. After their ship crashes into a forest, they happen onto a terrifying discovery. Mass graves of mutilated N-50 are piled high over the trees. The teens are chased into the arms of a sympathetic old lady who rooms them until one day, they are kidnapped and force to fight a monster.

 

After escaping back to Nightstorm City the gang will face a separatist terrorist group called “New Humanity”, bent on driving a wedge between toons and humans. An organization called FEAL futilely tries to steer them from terrorism to peace but they continue with their devastating attacks.

 

Remy tortured by the sight of dead toons, seeks guidance from a designed to make a heart wrenching decision. He either must keep it within himself and let the suffering continue. Or will he tell the world and watch as the fragile peace collapses into bloody conflict?



#2 giffordmac

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Posted 09 October 2017 - 11:17 PM

I think it's a little too long and that you may have gotten too deep into the story. The discovery of the bodies would seem to me to be a good place to stop. Then I'd start emphasizing the problems that ensue, rather than telling how they get of one.

 

The best advice I've seen on book blurbs is:

 

http://www.digitalbo...ble-book-blurb/

 

Best of luck!


“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel

 

~~~

 

 

 

 


#3 DHTSFWriter

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Posted 10 October 2017 - 11:51 AM

I've cut it short leaving only the dilemma. 

 

The malevolent corporation called Nightstorm Industries designs and manufactures the N-51 bioform, or ‘cartoon character’ as it’s called. The neon-ghetto city of its namesake will become the battleground for their rights to exist as sentient beings.

 

Remy and Angela are sibling toons made for a tv studio in the west. After their ship crashes into a forest, they happen onto a terrifying discovery.

 Mass graves of mutilated N-50 are piled high over the trees. The teens are chased into the arms of a sympathetic old lady who rooms them until one day, they are kidnapped and forced to fight for entertainment

 

Remy tortured by the sight of dead toons, seeks guidance from a designer to make a heart wrenching decision. He either must keep it within himself and let the suffering continue. Or will he tell the world and watch as the fragile peace collapses into bloody conflict?



#4 Erik18

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Posted 10 October 2017 - 12:07 PM

I think the blurb is too detailed and contains info that is irrelevant and distracting - e.g. what's relevant about the studio being "in the west."  You want to state the premise and the problem and leave us with a sense that barriers to resolution are insurmountable. That's it.  You want to get the story across, not the plot.

 

As well, lose the novel-specific terminology and use generic terms that the reader will understand from the get-go.  e.g.forget about the 'toons' and go with 'droids' or 'robots' or 'androids'.  Leave the specific terminology and sci-fi details for the novel to explain.

 

Remember, this is a pitch, not a plot summary.



#5 DHTSFWriter

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Posted 10 October 2017 - 12:20 PM

Thank you gillfordmac



#6 DHTSFWriter

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Posted 10 October 2017 - 12:22 PM

Erik18 I am taking your advice. And the advice of the blog giffords showed me. 

 

The malevolent corporation called Nightstorm Industries designs and manufactures the N-51 bioform, or ‘cartoon character’ as it’s called. The neon-ghetto city of its namesake will become the battleground for their rights to exist as sentient beings.

 

Remy and Angela are sibling headed to the west. After their ship crashes into a forest, they happen onto a terrifying discovery. Mass graves of mutilated bodies are piled high over the trees.

 

Tortured by the sight of the dead, Remy seeks guidance from a designer to make a heart wrenching decision. He either must keep it within himself and let the suffering continue. Or will he tell the world and watch as the fragile peace collapses into bloody conflict?

 

Nightstorm City takes us into a colorful derelict world where man and machine fight for dominance.



#7 DHTSFWriter

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Posted 10 October 2017 - 10:41 PM

I may have hit paydirt. 

 

The malevolent corporation called Nightstorm Industries designs and manufactures the N-51 bioform, or ‘cartoon character’ as it’s called. The neon-ghetto city of its namesake will become the battleground for their rights to exist as sentient beings.

 

Remy and Angela are sibling headed to the west. After their ship crashes into a forest, they happen onto a terrifying discovery. Mass graves of mutilated bodies piled high over the trees.

 

Tortured by the sight of the dead, Remy seeks guidance from a designer to make a heart wrenching decision. He either must keep it within himself and let the suffering continue. Or will he tell the world and watch as fragile peace collapses into bloody conflict?

 

Nightstorm City takes us into a colorful derelict world where man and machine fight for dominance.






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