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A new hook


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#1 Tom Preece

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Posted 09 October 2017 - 11:40 PM

She is organizing the invasion of Fort Ord California on Armed Forces day 1970. He has been ordered to defend it.



#2 Tom Preece

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Posted 11 October 2017 - 04:34 PM

Rewrite.

 

Ron and Julie have fallen in love.   She's planning a protest, a peaceful invasion of Ft. Ord; he has been ordered to defend it with a gun.



#3 Niambi

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 05:44 PM

- Who is your main character: Ron or Julie?
    - Surface details:?
    - Personality details:?
    - What is essential to the character solving their conflict:?
- What do they want: to hold a protest or to defend the fort?
- Who/what is in their way?  What are they struggling against: Is it each other?
- How do they overcome? What verbs describe the action of the story:?

 

- Where does the story take place: A fort.
 
We're still missing a bunch of information.

As it stands now, your hooks (with just the information you gave) are:
 
Ron has to defend a Fort Ord.
 
Or
 
Julie wants to hold a protest at Fort Ord.


#4 Tom Preece

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Posted 14 October 2017 - 08:15 PM

It's a Niambi - not even a query.  It is meant to intrigue and drive one to ask questions (as you have)






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