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Servant of Memory

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#1 RichGrad

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Posted 12 October 2017 - 11:12 PM

Hi, this is a blurb of my latest novel (a work in progress), Servant of Memory. Constructive feedback will be appreciated! Thanks in advance.

 

 

His immortal soul, bound by the shackles of time, is destined to be reborn again and again into multiple lives throughout human history; lives that bear witness to historical events, famous inventors and famed explorers. Created with the ability to recall the memories of each and every life that he lives, he is the Servant of Memory.

 

Alexander the Great, Christopher Columbus, Nostradamus and Sir Isaac Newton are just some of the varied lives that he encounters on his journey through the annals of time. Plagued by the persistent memories that he accumulates from one life to the next, he continually ponders over his existence, questioning his very purpose on planet Earth.

 

It is only in his 14th life that he begins to unravel the answers to the nagging questions that invariably torment him and his compelling odyssey. While he inches closer to finding his true purpose, a growing force threatens to embroil him in its iniquitous affairs. In a brutal twist of fate, he finds himself fighting for his life in a race against time, where only sheer bravery and blind faith will ensure the fulfillment of his ultimate destiny. 



#2 RichGrad

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 04:07 AM

* Tweaked

 

An immortal soul, bound by the shackles of time, is destined to be reborn again and again into multiple lives throughout human history; lives that bear witness to historical events, acclaimed inventors and prominent explorers. Created with the ability to recall the memories of each and every life that he lives, he is the Servant of Memory.

 

Alexander the Great, Christopher Columbus, Nostradamus and Sir Isaac Newton are just some of the varied lives that he encounters on his journey through the annals of time. Plagued by the persistent memories that he accumulates from one life to the next, he continually ponders over his existence, questioning his very purpose on planet Earth.

 

It is only in his 14th life that he begins to unravel the answers to the nagging questions that invariably torment him and his compelling odyssey. While he inches closer to finding his true purpose, a growing force threatens to embroil him in its iniquitous affairs. In a brutal twist of fate, he finds himself fighting for his life in a race against time, where only sheer bravery and blind faith will ensure the fulfillment of his true destiny. 



#3 Aquinesse

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 07:24 AM

Is it a blurb of your book? It sounds really interesting, and it reminds me of a book I really like, "The first fifteen lives of Harry August" by Claire North. Anyway, if the purpose of this text is to catch the interest of a potential reader, I think it works. It reveals some informations but it is still very mysterious. Generally it left me intrigued. I can't help wondering what happened to this guy, if there are more Servants and how the story will end. When you publish this book, I want to read it :)



#4 RichGrad

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 01:03 PM

Is it a blurb of your book? It sounds really interesting, and it reminds me of a book I really like, "The first fifteen lives of Harry August" by Claire North. Anyway, if the purpose of this text is to catch the interest of a potential reader, I think it works. It reveals some informations but it is still very mysterious. Generally it left me intrigued. I can't help wondering what happened to this guy, if there are more Servants and how the story will end. When you publish this book, I want to read it :)

Hi, yes, it's the blurb of my latest novel that I am still writing.  I am looking for feedback and yours is really positive, thank you. Please visit my website: www.richardgradner.com, sign up to my mailing list and you will receive a link to one of my books for a free download. I will also let you know when Servant of Memory (my WIP) will be on sale ; )



#5 RichGrad

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Posted 17 October 2017 - 04:57 AM

* Updated

 

Bound by the shackles of time, the Servant of Memory is reincarnated into lives that bear witness to historical events, acclaimed inventors and prominent explorers. Created with the ability to recall the memories of each and every life that he lives, he searches relentlessly for his purpose, questioning his very existence.

 

It is only in his 14th reincarnation, that he begins to unravel the answers to the nagging questions that invariably torment him and his compelling odyssey, when his accumulated memories attract the attention of an evil organisation who threaten to embroil him in its iniquitous affairs.

 

In a brutal twist of fate, he is forced to make a tough decision that will end up putting Katy, the love of his life, in mortal danger.



#6 BadgerFox

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 12:18 PM

* Updated

 

Bound by the shackles of time, the Servant of Memory is reincarnated into lives that bear witness to historical events, acclaimed inventors and prominent explorers. Created with the ability to recall the memories of each and every life that he lives, he searches relentlessly for his purpose, questioning his very existence.

 

It is only in his 14th reincarnation,[no comma needed here, strictly speaking, though I do see why you added one] that he begins to unravel the answers to the nagging questions that invariably torment him and his compelling odyssey, when his accumulated memories attract the attention of an evil organisation who threaten to embroil him in its iniquitous affairs.[This sentence is too long, can it be broken down into two segments?]

 

In a brutal twist of fate, he is forced to make a tough decision that will end up putting Katy, the love of his life, in mortal danger.

 

This is definitely well-written, and any issues with punctuation are minor and probably a matter of taste. I think it's very intense and it really can grip a reader. If this was prose in any other context, I'd say be careful not to make it too Purple and adjective-y, as it's currently quite hyper-dramatic...but I do understand that blurb is supposed to 'grab' a reader, so it's really supposed to be that way. Yes, I think this would do pretty well as a blurb! For the first two drafts of the blurb I have to admit I was wondering why he only met male people thoroughout history (he never encountered, like, Marie Antoinette, Aphra Benn or Queen Cleopatra?), because I admit that, if I were looking for something to read in the bookshop and going through blurbs, I'd prefer to read about encounters with a variety of interesting historical characters BUT...now that you've taken that part out, I guess it's not an issue :) The last sentence particularly hits the right notes. I imagine dramatic 'cliffhanger' music accompanying it: DAN-DAN DAAHHHH!


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First 250 words of my AU novel: http://agentqueryconnect.com/index.php?/topic/37913-jill-the-lass-alternative-history/


#7 RichGrad

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Posted 22 October 2017 - 09:36 AM

This is definitely well-written, and any issues with punctuation are minor and probably a matter of taste. I think it's very intense and it really can grip a reader. If this was prose in any other context, I'd say be careful not to make it too Purple and adjective-y, as it's currently quite hyper-dramatic...but I do understand that blurb is supposed to 'grab' a reader, so it's really supposed to be that way. Yes, I think this would do pretty well as a blurb! For the first two drafts of the blurb I have to admit I was wondering why he only met male people thoroughout history (he never encountered, like, Marie Antoinette, Aphra Benn or Queen Cleopatra?), because I admit that, if I were looking for something to read in the bookshop and going through blurbs, I'd prefer to read about encounters with a variety of interesting historical characters BUT...now that you've taken that part out, I guess it's not an issue :) The last sentence particularly hits the right notes. I imagine dramatic 'cliffhanger' music accompanying it: DAN-DAN DAAHHHH!

Thanks for your valuable feedback @badgerfox

 

I've learnt that the blurb is a constant rewrite, so please bear with me! Here is my latest update. I believe that it's getting better:

 

Bound by the shackles of time, Elijah Levy, in his 14th reincarnation, is on the brink of a sensational discovery that will give him the power to share his accumulated memories with the rest of the world.

 

But there is one memory, in particular, that attracts the attention of an evil organisation who threatens to embroil him in its iniquitous affairs. It concerns the Primordial Stone, a mythical talisman, infused with the power that was used to ignite the universe into being.

 

Elijah finds himself in the centre of a mystery far larger than he could ever have imagined, when he must fight to discover his true purpose and save the life of Katy Saunders, the beautiful girl of his dreams.






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