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What's in a name?

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#1 ashi11


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Posted 21 October 2017 - 08:39 AM

What’s in a name is a story of clashing generations and mindsets, of the urge of youngsters to break free from conventions and the desire of adults to carry them forward.

PC, who had witnessed the infanticide of his sister, finds himself in a similar predicament years later when his wife PARO gives birth to twin daughters. P’s mother, KAKIMA, who loathes certain traditions, forces her daughter-in-law Paro to adapt them to make sense of the struggles that she had endured.


P’s father, HC struggles to extend his legacy ahead in time. But with changing times he finds his command hard to keep. He has little faith in his naïve son and foolish wife. This distrust creates a rift between him and his family​​​​​​. A disguised murderer, PONGA PANDIT, takes advantage of the split in the family.

PC has a choice. He could choose to save his daughters or he could succumb to the power traditions wield. In Paro she sees retribution of his own pains.  He relinquishes the name that he takes to be the root of all strife and joins Paro to start all over again.

#2 galaxyspinner


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Posted 19 November 2017 - 06:44 PM

This query is very nebulous. It uses a lot of general terms, like "certain traditions", "clashing generations", "changing times", and "disguised murderer". The result is that we have very little sense of setting; where and when does this take place? Is this a sci-fi world? A fantasy world?


Take a look at some model queries; there's an expectation that they follow a certain formula, and yours does not currently fit the formula. You want to start with your hook, which should be something more concrete than a list of thematic ideas (show, don't tell). Next comes a brief (but not this brief) description of your story. The last paragraph should give details like genre, word count, and anything else that might be important.

Are you an actress looking for a comedic monologue? Check out Lady Parts: 50 Monologues for Funny Actresses.


Critique my query: Buccaneers of the Wild Blue

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