Smallish changes. That final paragraph has been a consistent bane throughout this process, so I tried something a little different and decided to see what happened if it mostly went away. Thoughts? Nice and ominous, or too melodramatic?
Travel between worlds requires two things: a ship that can sail the nil-matter of the void, and a person with the innate ability to pilot it. As captain of the ship Ouroboros, Lara explores remote worlds with her close-knit crew, scavenging lost artifacts for a living. That is until the power-hungry Coalition comes to Lara for help to save those worlds.
One of their captains, Amerlaine Silver, has stolen a ship, slaughtered the pilots who could give chase, and plans to take down the Coalition by any means necessary—even if that means wiping out innocents in the process. As the only pilot still around, Lara must chase Amerlaine down and stop her. With a newly-discovered device, Amerlaine intends to open the void to the worlds, unleashing terrors and massacring populations,
all for the sake of destroying the Coalition.You've already said this. Choose one.
In a mission like this, Lara is outmatched in experience and resources. She’s afraid of the risk the to herself and her friends, but terrified of what failure would mean for everyone. As an experienced traveler of the void, she knows firsthand what horrors will be freed: unkillable eldritch monsters and time warps locking you in perpetual loops. Despite her fear, Lara can’t allow the worlds to end that way.
Andif she doesn’t save them, no one will.
OUROBOROS is a 104,000-word science fantasy. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Pretty damn close. Sounds like a good story. I think you're pretty much ready to be rejected by many agents, and discovered by the perfect one.
Can you take a look at mine?