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Steampunk-ish fantasy cp&beta reader wanted - chapter swap

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#1 CMS1138


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Posted 25 October 2017 - 10:07 AM

I'm hip deep in my next manuscript, and I wanted to get some feedback on the first few chapters.


This book is set in a fictional world sitting between its Enlightenment and Industrial Ages. Think more Napoleonic than Victorian. The story revolves around three characters embroiled in the political machinations of the imperial capital.


Imperial Princess Adelais, only child of the emperor and heir to the throne, will be the last of her name to rule. Every noble house is contriving to place their son as her consort, and therefore father to the next imperial dynasty. Having long ago accepted her marriage would be a political event instead of a romantic one, Adelais seeks to impose her will on the decisions that will not only affect her life, but the course of world events.


Lord "Stick" Cruachan is a cavalryman in one of the most prestigious regiments of the empire. His daily routine of soldiering is interrupted when he is unexpectedly recruited to act as bodyguard for a scholarly cleric. A great debate is about to take place concerning the role of the church in the imperial universities, and one man has already been murdered in an attempt to influence the outcome.


Count Kieran Bleddyn has just returned from exile. A war veteran and former member of high society, he now has pennies to his name and very few prospects. In order to reclaim his former home he must re-infiltrate the ranks of the aristocracy and generate influence among a community he no longer wants much to do with. Particularly since everyone seems to have an ulterior motive, and the powerful hide some dark secrets.


I'll generally be looking for feedback on tone, clarity, etc. Is the story interesting and intriguing?  I haven't focused on editing yet, so I won't need much grammatical corrections at this point (of which there are probably more than a few).    


Happy to swap some chapters, regardless of genre.



#2 Phaust


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Posted 30 October 2017 - 06:43 PM

I may well be interested in a swap. I am on revision 3 of a low-fantasy (possibly lit-fantasy) set in roughly the same technological time on alt-world as your own. I am interested in the same kind of feedback as you. I take it you have written other stuff which is great. I not only don't want to correct rookie mistakes, but don't want rookie feedback. I suppose that is snobby. And I am a bit of a snob because I want my book to be GOOD. I am not, however, an a-hole. I've been in groups and swaps before and think I give decent, compassionate feedback. Thing is, at the moment, I am just super ready to get this thing going. I would ask you to read the whole thing if agreeable to you. Or maybe to commit to the first third and then recommit to the 2nd and 3rd third as it appeals. I would share it with you on Google docs. 


If you want to see my query letter (hiatus on querying) you can go to the query board and search "Of Eye and Cloud." Or just click on my avatar maybe? Anyway....

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