I took what I could from each critique, so thank you! I tried to add in that the war is still going on in the third paragraph, so I hope I balanced it enough. Let me know what you think! Thank you!
Dear Agent or Publisher,
As a new Guardian in an army of Nephilim - human and Angel hybrids - Madeleine’s job is to fight off a rising threat to humanity. After the disappearance of her friend and fellow Nephilim, Caleb, she begins to fear the worst.
Although Madeleine enjoys fighting,(Why would she enjoy fighting? Good people don't like to fight for the hell of it, but it happens as a result of uncontrolled emotions) the Plague are a new being that she had not predicted. They are soulless, vile creatures with the purpose of devouring humankind. She suspects they are responsible for Caleb’s disappearance. As she hunts the Plague and searches for Caleb, she runs into a mysterious man named Jonathan, the only person she can find where Caleb vanished. She suspects Jonathan might know something about Caleb - (add a comma instead of a dash) but she is unsure if he shares a connection with the Plague.
Madeleine grows closer to Jonathan. His subtle touches and his words intrigue and confuse her. But she is human and he is Nephilim, and a relationship between them is not allowed. She continues to visit him after long nights of fighting the Plague (this sentences makes it seem like fighting off the plague is a no-biggie, while this relationship between them is the most important thing. It diminishes the scare factor you created in the previous paragraph. I want to see Madeline be emotionally charged about the plague and feel pain from those she lost because of it instead of wiping her cleans of it after a long night.), still wondering if he holds a connection to them or to Caleb. Though his energy feels human to her, she is starting to question herself. His words always tell her to stay away, but she knows he wants her to come back. Knowing him would mean everything to her, and knowing his secrets could lead her to Caleb. But she is afraid if she gets Caleb back, she could lose Jonathan instead.
Set in present-day Ellensburg, Washington, and told through multiple perspectives, THE REAPING is a 95,000-word young adult fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
You have a pleasant writing style with a coherent flow and content that has me intrigued. I feel like you need to determine whether your primary focus in the book is on the relationship between her and Jonathon or on fighting the plague. If its on the plague, you need to elevate the feelings of fear as the query progresses. If its on Jonathon, don't put so much focus on the plague and how gruesome they are if you don't plan to see through it, because it is a distraction to your central theme.