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Chapter swap for ya fantasy


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#1 Illumen

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Posted 13 November 2017 - 09:34 AM

Hi all, looking for someone to swap chapters with, haven't gotten my story fully read through by anyone yet so it would be cool to get all the way through if the chapter swapping goes well. My story is a 105,000 word fantasy, here is what I have for my query so far:

 

15-year-old Lance has a habit of disregarding his village's only law. He’s broken so many promises that the villagers would shove him in the slammer if they ever found out. There is one promise he’s always kept, though: to protect Dante, the kid whose family raised him. So when Dante disappears through a door coated in violet flames, Lance doesn’t hesitate to go after him—straight into a world in rebellion.

 

A group of teen rebels is the only resistance to an immortal tyrant they call the Omega, and Lance joins them in exchange for their help with finding Dante. Going through the magic door gave Lance the ability to wield two wicked black swords that can capture the souls of the Omega’s demonic followers. The Omega has been using dark magic to transform people into his single-minded followers ‘to prevent their need for purpose’, and the rebels let Lance know that only his swords have the magic to take the Omega down. Even though Lance just wants to get Dante and get out of there, stopping the tyrant seems worth a shot if it means freedom for the people on this world.

 

But the Omega is planning to transform all other worlds once he’s done with this one, and the magic of Lance’s swords is the key. One wrong step fighting this guy could mean the end for everyone Lance has ever known.



#2 Erevos

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Posted 16 November 2017 - 05:00 PM

Hello there!

 

Somehow your story reminds of Kingdom Hearts!

I'll happily swap chapters with you! I'm mostly interested in swapping the first 3.. well in my case Prologue+2 since most agents ask for first 3 chapters or 50 pages etc!

 

Let me know!

 

Oh, I forgot to mention that my story is also YA High Fantasy!


My Query http://agentquerycon...a-high-fantasy/ Let me know if you want me to look at yours. Will happily do so.


#3 Nessa

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Posted 13 December 2017 - 05:28 PM

I'll critique the first 10 double-spaced pages. I don't need a chapter swap. ;)

 

​I'll also critique your query below.​
 

Hi all, looking for someone to swap chapters with, haven't gotten my story fully read through by anyone yet so it would be cool to get all the way through if the chapter swapping goes well. My story is a 105,000 word fantasy, here is what I have for my query so far:

 

15-year-old Lance has a habit of ​"has a habit of" is quite long. Does he enjoy breaking rules? disregarding his village's only law​ What do you mean by "only" law? Is it to keep promises?. He’s broken so many promises that the villagers would shove him in the slammer ​Sounds like an idiom that wouldn't belong in a fantasy world. if they ever found out. But he has always kept one promise There is one promise he’s always kept, though: to protect Dante, the kid whose family raised him son of his adoptive family. So when Dante disappears through a door coated in violet flames ​A door in a building? A door in the middle of the forest?, Lance doesn’t hesitate to go after him—straight into a world in rebellion. ​You could rework "world in rebellion" to something more concrete, more distinctive.

 

 

A group of teen rebels is the only resistance to an immortal tyrant they call the Omega, ​The shift from the world to the rebels needs to be smoother. Maybe something like, "Lance encounters a guild/squad/etc. of young rebels fighting against the immortal tyrant called the Omega." and Lance joins them in exchange for their help with finding Dante. Going through the magic door gave Lance the ability to wield two wicked black swords that can capture the souls of the Omega’s demonic followers ​How does the door correlate with wielding swords?. The Omega has been using dark magic to transform people into his single-minded followers ‘to prevent their need for purpose’ ​Avoid quotes, and I'm not following what "prevent their need for purpose" means., and the rebels let Lance know that only his swords have the magic to take the Omega down ​They "let" him know doesn't sound epic.. Even though Lance just wants to get ​grab Dante and get out of there​ run, stopping the tyrant seems worth a shot if it means freedom for the people on this world. ​Why does he care about the other world? What's his personal stake in it?

 

 

 

But the Omega is planning to transform all other worlds once he’s done with this one, and the magic of Lance’s swords is the key. One wrong step fighting this guy could mean the end for everyone Lance has ever known.


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#4 NavyGal

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Posted 03 January 2018 - 02:36 AM

Hey, there I'd be interested. I've PM's you :D 






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