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We are the Gray

Fiction Crime Literary Fiction

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#1 Jessica225

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Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:38 AM

Dear Agent, 

 

 

 

We are the lost here. The crumbling few who ran our feet dry running away from a boring life. Scraping black top cement with our bare toes in sweltering spring heat. Deploring our quench for mundane needs like fish swimming in the sea.

I write these words sitting here on a creaky old bed smelling of must. “Follow your heart, and You’re heart will guide you right.”

Words I suggest you become a cheetah and escape into the seven seas of hell before you follow. Unless you want to end up like me inside a room with no heat, sitting lonely, and hearing the sound of a ticking clock to drive you mad.

 

We Are The Gray is a story that will infatuate readers as it tells a tale of a girl named Alana living a life that continuously falls apart before her eyes. Dangling by a thread she will be forced to make decisions between a righteous , virtuous, and honest person. Or giving in to her darkness allowing the dark cloud from her boyfriend to lead her towards shackles and bars. A prisoner in her own mind.

 

 

 

I think this story may appeal to you because it explores themes such as abuse, drugs, and romances gone wrong. Complete at 50,000 words, We are the Gray takes it readers through an emotional transcendence as they discover the struggles of life.

 

I am currently a graduate of Southern New Hampshire University with a bachelor’s in English Literature and Creative Writing. I have been working on my own blog which can be found here https://medium.com/diary-of-fantastic-discoveries. While piece of my writing can be found in both the Good Life, and The Writing Cooperative on Medium.

Sincerely,

Jessica Cote



#2 Springfield

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Posted 14 November 2017 - 12:17 PM

Dear Agent, 

 

 

 

We are the lost here. Autoreject. The crumbling few who ran our feet dry running away from a boring life. Boring lives are wet? Scraping black top cement with our bare toes in sweltering spring heat. Deploring our quench for mundane needs like fish swimming in the sea. These aren't sentences, which, were I an agent who had kept reading past the first sentence, I'd be out right here.

I write these words sitting here on a creaky old bed smelling of must. “Follow your heart, and You’re heart will guide you right.” Which words, the previous, or the unattributed quote? 

Words I suggest you become a cheetah and escape into the seven seas of hell before you follow. What? Unless you want to end up like me inside a room with no heat, sitting lonely, and hearing the sound of a ticking clock to drive you mad.

 

We Are The Gray is a story that will infatuate readers as it tells a tale of a girl named Alana living a life that continuously falls apart before her eyes. Dangling by a thread she will be forced to make decisions between a righteous , virtuous, and honest person. Or giving in to her darkness allowing the dark cloud from her boyfriend to lead her towards shackles and bars. A prisoner in her own mind.

 

 

 

I think this story may appeal to you because it explores themes such as abuse, drugs, and romances gone wrong. Complete at 50,000 words, We are the Gray takes it readers through an emotional transcendence as they discover the struggles of life.

 

I am currently a graduate of Southern New Hampshire University with a bachelor’s in English Literature and Creative Writing. I have been working on my own blog which can be found here https://medium.com/diary-of-fantastic-discoveries. While piece of my writing can be found in both the Good Life, and The Writing Cooperative on Medium.

Sincerely,

Jessica Cote

 

This isn't a query. I have no idea what this is, honestly. It looks like an excerpt followed by vague discussion. 

 

I'd suggest you research queries, here, at Queryshark, etc., and then start from scratch. 

 

Aside from that, in a general sense, there's no category or genre, but if you mean this for any audience besides MG, 50,000 words is far too short for a novel, and this is absolutely rife with errors, which would make agents worry the ms will be similarly problematic. You must edit your work before you send it to agents. 

 

The fragments are maddening, btw -- sprinkled for impact is one thing, but the proportion in what I presume to be an excerpt is too high already, imo.



#3 smithgirl

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Posted 14 November 2017 - 12:49 PM

Hey Jess. I agree with Springfield. This is not a query. I understand your motivation -- my very first query attempt looked like this. But it won't work. Go back and review basic query writing rules. Query Shark is an excellent resource. http://queryshark.blogspot.com







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