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Mermaid for the Summer (YA/fantasy)


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#1 TaraC

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Posted 14 November 2017 - 12:59 PM

Hi All,

 

I am new to this forum and new to "sharing what I've written to the world" so open to anything you have to say. Following is the first 250 words from my book. I think the first page of my book is "eh". I feel like the story gets going after the first page. Well here goes..... 

 

Cheers

Tara 

 
Another busy Saturday on Cape Beach has ended and by 7 pm on this June night, the sun has set, and the moon has taken over the night sky. The sand is littered with remnants of the days' activities, but the sound of a beach cleaner in the distance will soon erase the signs of any activity.  The driver ‘Dusty’ grew up spending many nights sitting by his Dads side. It was always fun to clean out the sifter when it was clogged. The items they found were pretty run of the mill. Stuff you would expect like: earrings, camera film, beach toys, and sunglasses, "One night we cleaned out a set of dentures. We put them on the dashboard and named them "Harry."  Dusty’s Dad passed a few years ago but taking over his job is a way of reconnecting with him - of the thing his Dad loved to do. Dusty would always make the patterns that his Dad taught him. Figure 8's, race-track, and many others, as a way to keep the beach clean as to not cause too many dips for people to have to climb over in the morning. It would take four hours to return the beach to its original glory. Up and down the beach, occasionally he would see young lovers kissing behind the dunes or a fisherman working on his nightly catch, but it was quiet. 

The beach is quiet and deserted other than the occasional bird furiously flying to return to its nest.



#2 A.M.Rose

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Posted 15 November 2017 - 10:32 AM

Tara,

 

Thanks for sharing this. It isn't easy to put yourself out there. I would say that I think your feelings about this as the start of your story are spot on. I don't think this is where your story starts either. All this is good information for you to have and know about these characters, but it is a little mellow for the start of a YA book. Not sure if that is the right word, but I think you get what I'm saying. Consider posting what you think is where it "gets good" so we can see it. 

 

Best of luck to you,

Ann


A.M.Rose

 

Road to Eugenica available from Entangled Teen February 2018

 

Not Innocent available from Entangled Teen Spring 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#3 TaraC

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Posted 15 November 2017 - 03:50 PM

Hi Ann,

 

Thank you so much for your feedback in specific "little mellow for the start of a YA book." I am re-writing the start and will resubmit that section/another page soon.

 

Regards,Tara






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