Prior to this excerpt, the reader would have exposure to seers fighting in an ancient battle (prologue), but not much explanation of what they are. This would begin the first time they encounter Gren.
A few things that I'm looking for specifically, but please let me know ANY feedback you have.
- Is her description too much at once and does the 'sunflower eye' sound as stupid to you as it does to me now?
- I've been really working on weaving setting, character, and lore so that there is never an info dump, but I'm not sure if I'm telling enough at a time. Perhaps the reader would like a small 1-2 sentence blurb about seers or Gren or Nosek...
- I'm trying to convey here that there is no sun ever. It's always night, but they can tell time by where the stars are. I've hopefully given enough context in the previous chapter for this part written here to make sense, but do you think I need to just explicitly say there is no sun here? "Because there was no sun..."
Thank you all so much. I appreciate anything you can give, and am still looking for a swap partner.
Gren was a gifted seer for her fifteen years. Whether it was a part of her, or if it had been simply bred out of her, there was no nonsense left in the sunflower eyes that glowed against her curtain of black hair and frosted skin.
It was the year of the full moon, but she guessed it was midday by now despite seeing bright stars in the high windows. She paced the back of the sparring hall, catching her breath and looking at Master Nosek standing with his arms clasped behind his back as he did. Her footsteps sounded on the tiled floor, emphasized by the dun silence after several minutes of singing metal.
“You’re changing hand too often, apprentice.” His voice was heavy over the smooth walls and vaulted ceiling.
“Yes, master.” She nursed the broken skin on the back of a knuckle while tossing the sword a bit to regrip closer to the hilt. She ran his words in her mind again. The blade was long enough that the hilt could never make it as easy to move as a shard or Tevani blade. To be effective, the slavsword must take advantage of speed, she remembered Nosek’s words, and it must above all, be in balance. Often paired with a whip or razor, the sword of the Islands was versatile if a fighter dedicated to its craft and form. She had once tried to picture the men of the Islands who would use such a thing well. They would need to be strong in body, but also adept enough in mind to coordinate the blade and a whip.