Callie wants to be invisible. And thanks to her subconscious ability to erase memories, she almost is. I identify with this so much! (Wanting to be invisible by erasing people's memories of me, not actually being able to do it )
Life on the streets is lonely for a seventeen-year-old, but Callie’s learnt Was this learnt intentional, because it threw me off - you may want to stick to learned to appreciate the solitude. The less she’s noticed, the easier surviving Extremely minor, but I would suggest saying "survival" instead becomes. However, her social isolation ends when she’s approached by a group of strangers who claim that there's more to her peculiar life than meets the eye. They say she's a Reaper—a person capable of manipulating focus and memory. Better yet, they offer to help her unleash the full potential of that power.
Progressing from subconsciously making people ignore her, to actively altering memories with a single stare, Callie learns to control her power. But her new friends, each with a power of their own, have trained her for another reason--a rebel crusade to stop a mysterious empire capable of rescinding their powers. Upon locating the enemy, Callie is shocked to find that they're her own kind--Reapers. Determined to keep the peace, the empire protects the innocent from exploitation by the power-hungry rebels, and offer Callie a place among them as an invisible hand of justice. The rebels, however, are done with being oppressed. Awaiting Callie's intel, they're ready to initiate an uprising. Upon first read, this was a tad confusing. You had me until the "determined to keep the peace..." sentence, at which point I started to get lost on who was whom. Upon second read, it did say, for the most part, what I thought it was saying. The phrase that most tripped me up was the "protects the innocent from exploitation by the power-hungry rebels"
Knowing secrets about both sides This is a good clause, but I think it could be stronger - knowing secrets is just a bit vague, Callie's undecided loyalty becomes a catalyst for chaos—joining the empire will mean betraying her only friends, siding with the rebels could massacre her Reaper kin, and retreating to solitude will leave an entire city in the crossfire of an imminent war. I really really really like the fact that this third option is here, because it shows the fundamental consistency in Callie, and it leaves it more openended, where the imagination can run rampant
18FORGOTTEN is a YA fantasy complete at 95,000 words. Comps, bio, etc.
This sounds great! It sounds like the query I wish I could write (my main character, too, is trying to choose sides and has more info than everyone else). If you're willing to check out my query, I would appreciate it: http://agentquerycon...-realismsci-fi/