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#41 sereneew

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Posted 09 January 2018 - 07:29 PM

REVISION #13 — I think this might be it :) any recommendations. ( will gladly critique yours as well ) :) !!!

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.

In a city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, getting super powers is a plus. Unless you're like Norvina and want to fight the super-villains that Black Death controls. Then it's pretty much a death mission.

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty freaks. Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a kick-ass attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to become a badass villain to survive.

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the ​twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.


If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#42 Erevos

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 09:11 AM

Hello again!!

Not much to comment on this one! Like you said it's almost ready!

 

REVISION #13 — I think this might be it :) any recommendations. ( will gladly critique yours as well ) :) !!!

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick. Great!

In a city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, getting super powers is a plus. Unless you're like Norvina and want to fight the super-villains that Black Death controls. Then it's pretty much a death mission. Great!

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty freaks. Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a kick-ass attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her. 

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Again, nothing bad so far! Everything here works! BUT!!! ->Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to become a badass villain to survive. This is the only thing that confuses me :D What does it mean? Will she kill people? Act the same way Black Death and his lackeys do? I'd love if this had a relation with the sentence before. Let me explain. So, first she decides to ally with Vulcan so they destroy his father. But she is hellbent on surviving! But then she learns a secret! How does this change her attitude? She already had plans to take him down, right? I think the contrast might come from the "HELLBENT ON STAYING ALIVE" and then "GIVE UP HER LIFE TO SAVE OTHERS".

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the ​twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.


My Query http://agentquerycon...a-high-fantasy/ Let me know if you want me to look at yours. Will happily do so.


#43 ranton

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 11:48 AM

Is your novel complete already? Just wondering. 



#44 sereneew

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 02:31 PM

Is your novel complete already? Just wondering.


Yes it is. You can’t really query without a finished and polished MS. Don’t get me wrong, but I’ve gone back and removed things and added more stuff.

If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#45 rhwashere

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 03:17 PM

REVISION #13 — I think this might be it :) any recommendations. ( will gladly critique yours as well ) :) !!!

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.

In a city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, getting super powers is a plus. Unless you're like Norvina and want to fight the super-villains that Black Death controls. (Why does she want to do this? What's her motivation? How will she do it?) Then it's pretty much a death mission. (Consider reworking this paragraph. You're essentially saying that getting superpowers is a death mission, which doesn't make sense)

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. (Did we just jump back in time here? Going in chronological order helps the query be easily understood, though you may not need this backstory at all. She has power over fire. It's okay to go from there.) Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty freaks. Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks (consider using another word besides "freaks", since you just used it in the last sentence). Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a kick-ass attitude (who is this describing?), Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to become a badass villain to survive. (Now THIS  is what I think your query should be all about: a hero who must become a villain to survive.  Why must she become a villain? How will she? That's much more interesting than someone who wants to fight villains for some undisclosed reason)

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass (second use of this word; I would think of another one) heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the ​twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

 

 

If you have a chance, please check out my query at http://agentquerycon...eep-ya-fantasy/


Please feel free to critique my query: http://agentquerycon...eep-ya-fantasy/


#46 sereneew

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 05:05 PM

I hope this clears the air... So the world Norvina is in: A dystopian world, meaning they respect super-villains and hate heroes. Whoever goes against the world is called a villain, convict, felony or whatever... Which is what Norvina is doing... She's going to break the law to stay alive and help others. 
 
REVISION 14 
Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.
 
In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  
 

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts. Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a badass attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.
 
With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#47 taylorhale

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Posted 10 January 2018 - 10:24 PM

 

I hope this clears the air... So the world Norvina is in: A dystopian world, meaning they respect super-villains and hate heroes. Whoever goes against the world is called a villain, convict, felony or whatever... Which is what Norvina is doing... She's going to break the law to stay alive and help others. 
 
REVISION 14 
Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous--definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick. (^suggesting a dash to connect for better flow :-)
 
In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered virtuous leaders. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal. (Sounds like Superhero Divergent - I dig it) 
 

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts. (hmm, is it really necessary to go into so much detail here? To say she is attacked by thieves, gets rid of them, but catches the attention of different criminals? Not sure) Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan (something better than "a young man named" - maybe a personality trait?) saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks.  (I definitely think this paragraph can be tightened)
 
(a paragraph break seems appropriate here)
 
Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a badass (Maybe something better than badass... it kind of goes with the voice, but is sort of a lazy descriptor. Headstrong with a confident, cocky attitude?)  attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her. (Love this!)
 
With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME is a stand-alone young adult urban fantasy with series potential, complete at 85,000 words. (Less awkward wording) It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

 

 

Great concept! The voice is strong too - you're really getting there :-)



#48 Erevos

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Posted 11 January 2018 - 09:57 AM

Hello there!

Now this "become a super-villain" makes sense!

I think the main issue now is the dinstiction between the audience and the plot. Cause for us a villain is a villain, but in the book a "villain" is actually the good guy! or at least considered as one...

Other than that...you're good to go!

 

I hope this clears the air... So the world Norvina is in: A dystopian world, meaning they respect super-villains and hate heroes. Whoever goes against the world is called a villain, convict, felony or whatever... Which is what Norvina is doing... She's going to break the law to stay alive and help others. 
 
REVISION 14 
Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.
 
In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  
 

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts. [Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father.] Taylor makes a nice point here. You can take it into consideration if you like! Headstrong and possessing a badass attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.
 
With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. A small suggestion here: To save them/ the world/ the city/ Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

 


My Query http://agentquerycon...a-high-fantasy/ Let me know if you want me to look at yours. Will happily do so.


#49 VSChapman

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Posted 11 January 2018 - 02:04 PM

 

I hope this clears the air... So the world Norvina is in: A dystopian world, meaning they respect super-villains and hate heroes. Whoever goes against the world is called a villain, convict, felony or whatever... Which is what Norvina is doing... She's going to break the law to stay alive and help others. 
 
REVISION 14 
Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous. Definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.
 
In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  
 

When Norvina is attacked by thieves, her adrenaline triggers a mutation in her DNA. Gifted with power over fire, she roasts the muggers but attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts. Only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong and possessing a badass attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.
 
With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME, a young adult urban fantasy completed at 85,000 words. It’s a stand-alone, but with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER. It also combines Marissa Meyers' RENEGADES with the twist and revelations of Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

 

So, I only read your latest version. I agree with the others above. I feel you could chop a little more off of it and clean it up a bit. Get rid of any unnecessary words. I like the opening line but when we get to paragraph three it seems to have too many details. I like the feel of the story though. Keep it up!



#50 sereneew

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 05:00 AM

Thank you for your feedbacks!! I'll be critiquing your query drafts shortly (-; (today or tomorrow, promise !) 

 

REVISION# 15

 

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous      definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.

 

In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  

 


Norvina was gifted with power over fire and doesn’t know how to use them. When she attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts, only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong with a confident attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

 

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME is a stand-alone young adult urban fantasy with series potential, complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER.


If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#51 VSChapman

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 09:03 PM

Thank you for your feedbacks!! I'll be critiquing your query drafts shortly (-; (today or tomorrow, promise !) 

 

REVISION# 15

 

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous definitely (This looks funny to me. dangerous; definitely Or maybe it just needs a space dangerous- definitely, not sure) not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick. (I do like this opening line)

 

In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  (This is good too. It gives us just enough detail)

 


Norvina was gifted with power over fire (not sure what power over fire means. Could you clarify this?) and doesn’t know how to use them. When she attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts, only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong with a confident attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

 

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the indefensible: She will have to go against the government and become a fugitive.

 

NORVINA FLAME is a stand-alone young adult urban fantasy with series potential, complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines with hidden identities like Kelly Oram’s BEING JAMIE BAKER.

This one is much better! I think you could still take a few words out here and there. But things are much more concise in this one.



#52 LucidDreamer

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Posted 14 January 2018 - 09:49 AM

It has to be: "powers over fire" OR "doesn't know how to use it" to make the sentence work. Otherwise you have a singular "power" described as "them."

That last statement is a little weak -- "go against the government and become a fugitive" is not the kick-@ss final sentence you need. Consider rewording to more active verbs than "go against," for one thing. And why is going against these villains "indefensible"? I would think it exemplary and brave. Maybe consider another word there as well.

#53 sereneew

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Posted 14 January 2018 - 11:36 PM

Hopefully the last revision, before I can send this out to agents (: 

 

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous      definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick.

 

In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  

 


Norvina was gifted with powers over fire and doesn’t know how to use them. When she attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts, only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong with a confident attitude, Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

 

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to be a villain.

 


If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#54 sereneew

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Posted 14 January 2018 - 11:37 PM

It has to be: "powers over fire" OR "doesn't know how to use it" to make the sentence work. Otherwise you have a singular "power" described as "them."

That last statement is a little weak -- "go against the government and become a fugitive" is not the kick-@ss final sentence you need. Consider rewording to more active verbs than "go against," for one thing. And why is going against these villains "indefensible"? I would think it exemplary and brave. Maybe consider another word there as well.

Thank you for catching that.. And I changed the last statement to " she will have to be a villain" to give it a little more suspense ?


If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#55 Erevos

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Posted 15 January 2018 - 08:37 AM

This might sound weird, but how about removing the "But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her." and finding a way to move it to the end.

 

So something like: "With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to be a villain, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her."

 

I'm not sure if you are going to like it, but I'm giving an alternative!


My Query http://agentquerycon...a-high-fantasy/ Let me know if you want me to look at yours. Will happily do so.


#56 sereneew

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 05:49 PM

This might sound weird, but how about removing the "But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her." and finding a way to move it to the end.

 

So something like: "With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to be a villain, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her."

 

I'm not sure if you are going to like it, but I'm giving an alternative!

 

 

That's a good suggestion, I'll still try to tweak the last paragraph. 


If I helped please leave a feedback on my YA FANTASY QUERY http://agentquerycon...st-50/?p=350935


#57 VSChapman

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Posted 22 January 2018 - 08:22 PM

Hopefully the last revision, before I can send this out to agents (: 

 

Seventeen-year-old Norvina Flame doesn’t look dangerous(comma?)definitely not someone you'd expect to slaughter a squad of super-villains with just fire and a stick. (Nice opening)

 

In a dystopian city governed by a mayor who calls himself Black Death, super-villains are considered leaders and virtuous. Anyone who has powers must become a villain or be murdered. But Norvina never expected to have superpowers, let alone become a criminal.  

 


Norvina was gifted with powers over fire and doesn’t know how to use them. When she attracts the attention of some bloodthirsty convicts, only the last minute rescue by a young man named Vulcan saves her from being butchered by the ferocious freaks. Vulcan, Black Death’s ruthless son, wants to destroy his father. Headstrong with a confident attitude (confidence?), Norvina allies with Vulcan, despite their mutual lack of trust. But with or without his help, Norvina's hell-bent on staying alive, and if she does go down, she's taking an entire league of super-villains with her.

 

With law enforcement and flesh-feeding villains attacking her at every corner, Norvina learns a daunting fact: Black Death and the government plan to mobilize an army of super-villains to take over more than just the city. Millions of lives hang in the balance, including her own. To save them, Norvina realizes she must do the unforgivable: She will have to be a villain.

Sorry, I know I'm a few days behind. Not sure if you sent any out already. But I like this. I think it flows well and tells us everything we need to know. Good job and good luck!






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